~ A Lighter Load ~
Four Line Poem..1-5-5-917 total reviews
Comment from Unspoken94
Hmm. This is a beautiful four-line poem. It's just that I struggle with what I think it's
trying to say. When we choose then we know there are positive and/or negative consequences. But the consequences are not because of fate. They are a product of our choices. Fate is when we don't make a decision or choose. But even when we don't choose, then that's a choice as well.
I'm sorry, but my work as a psychotherapist has "corrupted" my ability to see fatalism and making choices in the same sentence. -Bill
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Hmm. This is a beautiful four-line poem. It's just that I struggle with what I think it's
trying to say. When we choose then we know there are positive and/or negative consequences. But the consequences are not because of fate. They are a product of our choices. Fate is when we don't make a decision or choose. But even when we don't choose, then that's a choice as well.
I'm sorry, but my work as a psychotherapist has "corrupted" my ability to see fatalism and making choices in the same sentence. -Bill
Comment Written 22-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you Bill for your honest review. I appreciate your comments, as always. Unfortunately this poem and the Christmas just spent was not a good one. My dearest father passed away on Boxing Day and has left an unexpected and heavy void. There was no choice but for him to take his long walk alone. All the best to you for 2018. ~DD
Comment from Dean Kuch
Yes, they certainly will, DD, and in more ways than one.
They not only lighten the journey by relieving some of the burden we carry, but they shed a lot of light on the path as we forge ahead.
Clever poem, nice work with this four-line entry.
Best wishes to you in the judging.
~Dean
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Yes, they certainly will, DD, and in more ways than one.
They not only lighten the journey by relieving some of the burden we carry, but they shed a lot of light on the path as we forge ahead.
Clever poem, nice work with this four-line entry.
Best wishes to you in the judging.
~Dean
Comment Written 22-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you Dean. I appreciate your comments. All the best for 2018. Keep up the good writes. ~DD
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You're welcome, you do the same.
~Dean
Comment from mvbrooks
Challenging to put a complete message in so few words. This poem is nicely balanced as none of the lines seem forced to meet the word count. Strong message/strong entry. Good luck
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Challenging to put a complete message in so few words. This poem is nicely balanced as none of the lines seem forced to meet the word count. Strong message/strong entry. Good luck
Comment Written 21-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for reviewing my 1-5-5-9 poem. I must confess to writing the wrong first word. It is supposed to be ?Fate? and not ?Faith? I am distracted with hospital visits and so my mind was on ?Faith?. Either way, thank you..I appreciate it. ~DD
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I actually liked it better with "faith" as fate seems to happen regardless of how we act and your last line suggests positive actions can affect our outcome (lighten the load).
Just a thought -- but in this case--faith seems to be a stronger message.
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Thank you so much for your constructive comments. I appreciate your honesty. Warm regards. ~DD
Comment from June Sargent
Yes, life is full of choices and depending on which paths we choose, the journey can be a joyous one or a burdensome one. But we do have a Book to guide us. We just need to consult it. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Yes, life is full of choices and depending on which paths we choose, the journey can be a joyous one or a burdensome one. But we do have a Book to guide us. We just need to consult it. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for reviewing my 1-5-5-9 poem. I must confess to writing the wrong first word. It is supposed to be ?Fate? and not ?Faith? I am distracted with hospital visits and so my mind was on ?Faith?. Either way, thank you..I appreciate it. ~DD
Comment from Lucian Carter
Do good. Good things happen. It's a very simple motto; yet it's true more often than many people think. There is a lot of good in the world. There is a lot of faith in spiritualism that is supposed to be for good. People do little good things every day and it never makes the news. But bad things? They go to the front pages. It's annoying.
There is a lot to be said for just wandering, following your faith. Good message.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Do good. Good things happen. It's a very simple motto; yet it's true more often than many people think. There is a lot of good in the world. There is a lot of faith in spiritualism that is supposed to be for good. People do little good things every day and it never makes the news. But bad things? They go to the front pages. It's annoying.
There is a lot to be said for just wandering, following your faith. Good message.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Lucian, Thank you so much for reviewing my 1-5-5-9 poem. I must confess to writing the wrong first word. It is supposed to be ?Fate? and not ?Faith? I am distracted with hospital visits and so my mind was on ?Faith?. Either way, thank you..I appreciate it. ~DD
Comment from Pantygynt
Indeed this is a true statement but how do we tell which the good choices are when we are presented with a tangle such as is illustrated here. Only one choice is clearly leading nowhere except continual circles. All the others could well be right -- or wrong for that matter.
You present us with a neat conuncrum
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Indeed this is a true statement but how do we tell which the good choices are when we are presented with a tangle such as is illustrated here. Only one choice is clearly leading nowhere except continual circles. All the others could well be right -- or wrong for that matter.
You present us with a neat conuncrum
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Jim, Thank you so much for reviewing my 1-5-5-9 poem. I must confess to writing the wrong first word. It is supposed to be ?Fate? and not ?Faith? I am distracted with hospital visits and so my mind was on ?Faith?. Either way, thank you..I appreciate it. ~DD
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and presentation.
-Syllable count is good.
-I like your topic choice, DD,
and the personification in line 2.
-A very good message in the last line,
as well as the poem.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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-Nice image and presentation.
-Syllable count is good.
-I like your topic choice, DD,
and the personification in line 2.
-A very good message in the last line,
as well as the poem.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Pam, Thank you so much for reviewing my 1-5-5-9 poem. I must confess to writing the wrong first word. It is supposed to be ?Fate? and not ?Faith? I am distracted with hospital visits and so my mind was on ?Faith?. Either way, thank you..I appreciate it. ~DD
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You are welcome for the review, DD. I didn't think Faith was a bad choice so I thought you deserved the comments. Sorry about your having hospital visits. Hope things improve each day.
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Thank you Pam for your kind words. I appreciate your thoughts. Unfortunately my Christmas was not a good one as my dear father passed away on Boxing Day. I wish you all the best for 2018. ~DD
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You are welcome, DD, and I am sorry about your father.
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I appreciate your kind words. Thank you Pam. ~DD
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You are very welcome, DD.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a good entry for the 'Four Line Poem' writing prompt.
The artwork is a good match as well.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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This is a good entry for the 'Four Line Poem' writing prompt.
The artwork is a good match as well.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Sharon, Thank you so much for reviewing my 1-5-5-9 poem. I must confess to writing the wrong first word. It is supposed to be ?Fate? and not ?Faith? I am distracted with hospital visits and so my mind was on ?Faith?. Either way, thank you..I appreciate it. ~DD
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written four-line poem. When we walk with faith we do not need all the baggage we carry with us all the time. It makes our journey light and joyful.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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A very well-written four-line poem. When we walk with faith we do not need all the baggage we carry with us all the time. It makes our journey light and joyful.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Sandra, Thank you so much for reviewing my 1-5-5-9 poem. I must confess to writing the wrong first word. It is supposed to be ?Fate? and not ?Faith? I am distracted with hospital visits and so my mind was on ?Faith?. Either way, thank you..I appreciate it. ~DD
Comment from BOO ghost
Love the picture. A lot of different paths in life to take. We must have faith in god. Good choices. Without faith in Jesus we would continue to sin and not repent. He forgives us is we are sincere and not try to repeat the sin. We can not fool god. He knows what is in the heart before we babble words. I hope BOO chose the right paths to salvation. Love the artwork.
BOO-tastic!
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Love the picture. A lot of different paths in life to take. We must have faith in god. Good choices. Without faith in Jesus we would continue to sin and not repent. He forgives us is we are sincere and not try to repeat the sin. We can not fool god. He knows what is in the heart before we babble words. I hope BOO chose the right paths to salvation. Love the artwork.
BOO-tastic!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Boo G, Thank you so much for reviewing my 1-5-5-9 poem. I must confess to writing the wrong first word. It is supposed to be ?Fate? and not ?Faith? I am distracted with hospital visits and so my mind was on ?Faith?. Either way, thank you..I appreciate it. ~DD
