Comment from tara-jade

Good

well done Barbara on this story. I enjoyed reading this as it is something I would not normally read, religious stuff but great imagery to me as a reader.

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 Comment Written 18-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017

I received a five star review but only four stars. I don't understand. Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from apky

Excellent

How amazing your faith and belief is. I find it absolutely admirable. I was born and brought up as a Christian but watching how "unstable" Christians have become in their faith and in following the teachings of Christ (which you Jews gave birth to and became our Lord). Too much, in my opinion, is being "reformed" in order to accommodate capital and commercialism.

All power to Shana, and your wonderfully written story.

No(,) wait. Please don't leave," interjected Shana.

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017

I am NOT Jewish. I do have Jewish friends. I am a Christian. Thank you for the kind review and catch. I am fixing it.

Comment from Rasmine

Excellent

TY, for explaining, I love to learn about all religions. The idea of people judging each other because of silly clothes, or something stupid, is asinine to me. It's so phony -- 'look at her pants, they look like pajamas', this woman said about my pants in here. For one thing, they are leggings with a wild design, not pajamas, so maybe she should get a pair! :P
Good chapter. I have a feeling they will get together. I can't wait for the next.
Happy Hanukah! I think it's neat that the children get little presents for many days/nights. :D
Please, take care, my friend.
Nome

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017

I am not Jewish. I am Christian. I have just done a lot of research. Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Barbara,

another good chapter. Couple of things I though of when I read through-

"It's unusual for you to work before breakfast. Have you already jogged with the dogs?" Philip paused. "Are you avoiding the elephant in the room?" - maybe add something to the beat between the dialogue. he could pause, wondering how to ask the question or to study Anderson. It would add a reason for the pause and help to ground the scene a little more and give the reader an insight into another aspect of him or Anderson. You do this a couple of times and although it does interrupt and break up the dialogue, expanding on it could be beneficial.

Philip stood and proceeded to the door - there's no indication that Philip entered the room, let alone sat down. The only directive on this is in the opening paragraph where it says 'as Philip walked by the den'.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017

I did some work on those questionable areas and realize they need more work. This will be an ongoing task. Thank you for the help.

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Good chapter. I can see the disease as a good reason to avoid Jewish suitors, so score one for Drew. Other couples have worked out religious differences. They can too. IF she cares for him enough.

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017

We shall see if she cares enough.

Comment from Walu Feral

Excellent

G'day Barbara.

"Anderson scanned the room. "I don't see an elephant. And yes, the dogs are taken care of." (Hahahaha!)

"After licking her lips, she continued, "Drew, I need to leave immediately." (Oh no!)

"No(,) wait. Please don't leave," interjected Shana."

"I can ensure your safety here and I can't if you're elsewhere." (Correct! I agree.)

"So(,) there is a benefit from marrying out of the Jewish faith." (he's gotchya there, girlie!)

"Deuteronomy 7: 3-4 in the Torah forbids intermarriage, for many reasons." Well, on the other hand, maybe not. Lol.)

Another very well written chapter with a couple of educational bits thrown in as well. Also, a very unpredictable chapter as you can probably tell by my babbling above.

Great job and I'm so glad that's the reason she's leaving... sheesh! I'm not doing very well, here, am I? I meant, not because the kid is sick, but, because she's not leaving because he propositioned her.

Fab work, ma'am.

Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017

Thank you for the encouraging review.

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Ah, the closing image seems metaphorical to me - a safety belt (like the safety of marrying within one's own faith).


Good characterization and dialog-driven pacing. AS usual, just the right amount of descriptive detail.


A few comma suggestions:

*
"What about Shana? She's not in the room(,) and she's hardly an elephant."


* I can ensure your safety here(,) and I can't if you're elsewhere."

*
Within an hour(,) Anderson and Shana were on his private jet headed toward General Wayne A Downing Peoria International Airport.

*spacing typo:
"Jewish history spans over thirty-three- hundred years.

*Greeks, Romans, Crusaders, Nazis and Communists have tried to obliterate Jewish faith,(no ,) but failed.



Good romantic overtone tensions in this easy-to-read chapter section.

Warmly,
rd

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017

Again thank you for the help. I don't know what I'd do without you.

reply by rama devi on 18-Dec-2017

Thanks, dear. I appreciate your appreciation. I may not be as active here for some time...expecting a big project coming in this week. I need the income desperately at the moment! My life is so alternative, and income is sporadic. FS ROM winnings do not even constitute minimum wage with the amount of reviewing required...and one a can only win every second month, too. I may not be giving away my time so freely for a while. While I am not one to care about money or materialism, I do need to survive and take care of my health. Can't be giving so much time here as in the past, as my lifestyle needs have changed...but I'll visit intermittently...

Blessings, rd

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

new safety legislature (legislation)


I am so lost with having missed so much of this. It Is well written and well done as your work always is, my friend~debbie

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017

I am so happy to have you back, thank you. I will make that correction, right now

Comment from Sankey

Excellent

Good chapter again. Getting warmer, now. I would love to see these two get together. I will be interested to see how you bring it off, if it happens. What does "fracking" mean in the following? affects not only the fracking but the off-shore drilling.
Just a couple of misses.

As Philip filled Anderson in (on) the flight arrangements,
After a period (of)silence, Shana said,

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017

Fracking is when they force water into the ground to get oil out. It's a cause of earthquakes in the US; very controversial. I have made the corrections. Thank you.

Comment from Gert sherwood

Exceptional

Hello Barb
What a should I say romance between
Anderson and Shana is well written and your authors notes help to explain the difficulties
with the Jewish Traditions of marriage between a person of another religion
Excellent
Gert

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017

Thank you for the understanding. Some readers think Shana should be more assertive. She will be when the time right.

reply by Gert sherwood on 17-Dec-2017

You are welcome Barb
if Shana gets to be more assertive to me she may regret pushing too far
Gert