Christmas Eve Gift
horror story6 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
Ah, this story and bowl of figgy pudding are all I need to get me into a festive mood. Living alone, as I do, I'm grateful I have no basement stairs to fall down.
Should I fall and be unable to get up, they'll probably find me naked, crammed in the bottom of the shower. And probably not 'til after New Year. My money is on the mailman.
Well, Ebeneezer ain't got nothin' on us boys!
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Ah, this story and bowl of figgy pudding are all I need to get me into a festive mood. Living alone, as I do, I'm grateful I have no basement stairs to fall down.
Should I fall and be unable to get up, they'll probably find me naked, crammed in the bottom of the shower. And probably not 'til after New Year. My money is on the mailman.
Well, Ebeneezer ain't got nothin' on us boys!
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Saturday's snow and 30-hour power outage had me grunting and groaning up and down two flights of stairs to feed the big air-tight wood heater, which in my wisdom at forty I put in the basement with heat registers to warm the whole house. Still works great, but damn them stairs. That twin bed I didn't like is going down there near the heater if the slush ever melts. Yeah, I live alone, too, Lee. Not sure anything else would work. And Ebenezer's unending jollity gets on my nerves. Thanks much for reading.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt and thought provoking story. We do not know how, when, or where we will have our last moments. We are taught to be prepared for that time but it can still surprise us when we don't expect it.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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A very well-written heartfelt and thought provoking story. We do not know how, when, or where we will have our last moments. We are taught to be prepared for that time but it can still surprise us when we don't expect it.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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It snowed and the power failed and I was up and down two flights of stairs all night, feeding the big airtight wood heater in the basement. Through floor registers it warms the whole house, but those stairs...so I started writing.
Comment from apky
Yes, this was suspenseful and scary. Poor Billy, but we can't all get the well-fed Santa Claus bring us gifts and good tidings.
The propane was as easy to find and purchase as K1 kerosene, anymore. ~ when you end this sentence with "anymore", then there's something wrong with. Try reading it to sourself out loud, and you'll get my meaning.
The walking clicked and clacked, like a woman in whore-heels. ~ nice one; never heard high heels described this way before.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Yes, this was suspenseful and scary. Poor Billy, but we can't all get the well-fed Santa Claus bring us gifts and good tidings.
The propane was as easy to find and purchase as K1 kerosene, anymore. ~ when you end this sentence with "anymore", then there's something wrong with. Try reading it to sourself out loud, and you'll get my meaning.
The walking clicked and clacked, like a woman in whore-heels. ~ nice one; never heard high heels described this way before.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Kerosene, once much cheaper and available everywhere, has lost market enormously. The anymore is my dialect for now, today. I can correct that. The whoreheels are the extreme stilettos, not the kind you'd want to wear ordinarily. Thank you very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Well,well, isn't this a different kind of Christmas story, Ho ho ho! VERY well written - I didn't feel much horror until the end, but you could add some creepy-house descriptions to make the nice lead-up a little more tense.
The midday ride and diner are a bit confusing - are they necessary? Is the ride he likes to take usually to the diner? (PS, He needs to give to some charities. They'll send him tons of calendars with their solicitations, LOL!)
soggy flakes that fell (with a splat?), (and) did not waft down - or - fell, not wafted, down.
At ten AM, somewhere along the many miles of [[high line - electric lines?]], the sticky snow
Wouldn't he have to close the blinds to make it dark enough to see if the flashlight came on? or did he open them to see Why the flashlight Didn't come on?
The temperature was rocking up and down over the freezing mark as usual for snowy days. The dark house was slowly cooling. - can use simple past tense (rocked) to avoid repeating "was".
Bill wondered how long the cold and pain could go [[one - on]].
He saw his wife, as she looked years ago, laughing, laughing. He saw the two dead sons smirking and flipping him off. - Whoa! Excellent!
The conversation with Santa is hilarious!
Like black fog around a dead tree, the robe swirled. The long blade glittered even in the darkness. - + fleshless jaws - OOOoooo! Another beautifully worded image!
That's it. Great job!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Well,well, isn't this a different kind of Christmas story, Ho ho ho! VERY well written - I didn't feel much horror until the end, but you could add some creepy-house descriptions to make the nice lead-up a little more tense.
The midday ride and diner are a bit confusing - are they necessary? Is the ride he likes to take usually to the diner? (PS, He needs to give to some charities. They'll send him tons of calendars with their solicitations, LOL!)
soggy flakes that fell (with a splat?), (and) did not waft down - or - fell, not wafted, down.
At ten AM, somewhere along the many miles of [[high line - electric lines?]], the sticky snow
Wouldn't he have to close the blinds to make it dark enough to see if the flashlight came on? or did he open them to see Why the flashlight Didn't come on?
The temperature was rocking up and down over the freezing mark as usual for snowy days. The dark house was slowly cooling. - can use simple past tense (rocked) to avoid repeating "was".
Bill wondered how long the cold and pain could go [[one - on]].
He saw his wife, as she looked years ago, laughing, laughing. He saw the two dead sons smirking and flipping him off. - Whoa! Excellent!
The conversation with Santa is hilarious!
Like black fog around a dead tree, the robe swirled. The long blade glittered even in the darkness. - + fleshless jaws - OOOoooo! Another beautifully worded image!
That's it. Great job!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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I reread this once for typos, and I am sure you are right, it could be trimmed and polished. I'll check into that. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing, all help is most welcome!
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You're welcome. I come here (to Fanstory) for the same kind of advice :-)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a bit humorous horror story about Christmas Eve Gift.
Plot goes well to a resolution.
Fantastic climax; I enjoyed the curious end.
DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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This is a bit humorous horror story about Christmas Eve Gift.
Plot goes well to a resolution.
Fantastic climax; I enjoyed the curious end.
DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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I spent a lot of time this week-end fueling the wood heater in the basement, with the electricity off and freezing temps, so I had a thought...what if...thanlks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Paul Bownas
Wow! That certainly wasn't what I was expecting! A surprise ending to top them all! I think this is not the kind of Christmas I would like, but then it seems it didn't do too much for Bill either! I could find no fault in the story at all.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Wow! That certainly wasn't what I was expecting! A surprise ending to top them all! I think this is not the kind of Christmas I would like, but then it seems it didn't do too much for Bill either! I could find no fault in the story at all.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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A what-if came to me as I was going up and down two flights of stairs to feed the air-tight wood heater in my basement while snow had the electricity knocked out. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
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You're welcome and I hope you have a Great Christmas!
