Your Arms
a ghazal62 total reviews
Comment from apky
How beautiful and full of feeling. Your Ghazal reminded me - curious as this may sound - of Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who said that poems were at their best when they were not completely understood.
But yours was straight forward, especially in the last couplet. I know I've read one or two poems of yours that had that mystery in art which Coleridge likened to the mystery of religious faith and, therefore, needing the involvement of trust. In the case of great artists, we trust what we don't understand and there is faith. A writer needs to feel their own awkwardness and tenderness, need to find the channel, and make the reader feel.
This was great.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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How beautiful and full of feeling. Your Ghazal reminded me - curious as this may sound - of Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who said that poems were at their best when they were not completely understood.
But yours was straight forward, especially in the last couplet. I know I've read one or two poems of yours that had that mystery in art which Coleridge likened to the mystery of religious faith and, therefore, needing the involvement of trust. In the case of great artists, we trust what we don't understand and there is faith. A writer needs to feel their own awkwardness and tenderness, need to find the channel, and make the reader feel.
This was great.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Yes, apky, this poem and many of my work combine awkwardness and tenderness, as well as a good dollop of mystery. Thank you for your intuitive, informative review.
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Pleasure's mine, Sis Cat.
Comment from J Dan Francis
Hello Andre,
Excellent is what comes to mind. It is not just a picture that is painted here, but I am lost in the texture, the sight, the taste, the sound, and the mood. Although I write poetry, I have little understanding of its mechanics. I guess the same can be said of the stories I write. I would have to admit; I am like a musician who can play but cannot read music. That is probably why I do so little reviewing of others work. It is not out of self-centeredness, but of inadequacies'. My apologies to all here. For me to pull an artists work apart line by line and critique and correct, I find I am lost. But, I do know what I like. And, this I like. And, you are good.
I hope to read more of your work.
Peace
JD
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Hello Andre,
Excellent is what comes to mind. It is not just a picture that is painted here, but I am lost in the texture, the sight, the taste, the sound, and the mood. Although I write poetry, I have little understanding of its mechanics. I guess the same can be said of the stories I write. I would have to admit; I am like a musician who can play but cannot read music. That is probably why I do so little reviewing of others work. It is not out of self-centeredness, but of inadequacies'. My apologies to all here. For me to pull an artists work apart line by line and critique and correct, I find I am lost. But, I do know what I like. And, this I like. And, you are good.
I hope to read more of your work.
Peace
JD
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Oh, thank you, JD, for your generous, six star review and for knowing what you like in poetry. While I, too, cannot read music, I can sing and write melodic poetry. Thanks again.
Comment from RGstar
Hey, Sis, read this a couple of times, not sure it depicted unrequited love, yet I like the concentration on the aspect of the arms. Always good if a poet can actually pinpoint a section of the human body and give it life for it personalizes and focuses as if the entity exists alone. Not too sure about the repeating of it when such length for even beauty can stagnate if too much over length. Still, the form calls for much, and the hardness, as well the softness of the arms and its encounters, speak well.
Perhaps not my favorite form, for it may lend well to a subject matter that is more demanding in getting through to the reader...an intense action that the narrative needs to display with the repeating line at rapid pace in every couplet.
Yet, I found you gave in various stages good poetic aura and pieces of excellence throughout.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Hey, Sis, read this a couple of times, not sure it depicted unrequited love, yet I like the concentration on the aspect of the arms. Always good if a poet can actually pinpoint a section of the human body and give it life for it personalizes and focuses as if the entity exists alone. Not too sure about the repeating of it when such length for even beauty can stagnate if too much over length. Still, the form calls for much, and the hardness, as well the softness of the arms and its encounters, speak well.
Perhaps not my favorite form, for it may lend well to a subject matter that is more demanding in getting through to the reader...an intense action that the narrative needs to display with the repeating line at rapid pace in every couplet.
Yet, I found you gave in various stages good poetic aura and pieces of excellence throughout.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Oh, thank you, RG, for your review of my second ghazal. Once I realized that it was missing a key internal rhyme near the root rhyme, I wrote "Chocolate Ghazal" and am revising my first ghazal "Ivy Love" because it is a contest entry.
I would not write this poem as it is right now because it is missing the internal rhyme which would have softened the end line repetition. Although it is not a correct ghazal, I am leaving it alone because of its beauty and pain, and I am checking out a library book on English ghazals.
Thanks again.
Comment from Thal1959
This is a very unique form of poetry, Andre. You seemed to catch just about every variation of "your arms" you could. I really liked, "centaur-like--with four legs but only your arms."
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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This is a very unique form of poetry, Andre. You seemed to catch just about every variation of "your arms" you could. I really liked, "centaur-like--with four legs but only your arms."
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Oh, thank you, Thal1959, for your generous review and for pointing out your favorite line. I love that one, too!
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You are always welcome, Andre.
Comment from BOO ghost
Ghazal= BOO likes this type of poetry. The author notes explain it all. This has to take a lot of talent to master. By the notes, this looks good. You bring a diversity of words and imagination. you seem to have a knack for this. BOO will read again. The words are the power in black and white. Words should always be the power and artwork the cherry on top. You mastered it. Collect your doubloon. BOO~
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Ghazal= BOO likes this type of poetry. The author notes explain it all. This has to take a lot of talent to master. By the notes, this looks good. You bring a diversity of words and imagination. you seem to have a knack for this. BOO will read again. The words are the power in black and white. Words should always be the power and artwork the cherry on top. You mastered it. Collect your doubloon. BOO~
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Yes, Boo, I did not want an image for this poem. I wanted my words alone to create images in the reviewers' mind. I am going to check out a library book on English ghazals to make sure I am writing them correctly. Thank you for your six star review.
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A pleasure.
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, Andre: I applaud you for this magnificent ghazal. You have given a thorough lesson on how to write this kind of poem and your love poem couplets were so moving and lovely. Such expressions of love made me wish that this love never ended for you.
Had I know that would be our last night together,
I would have pressed myself tighter into your arms,
And held my breath while feeling your breath on my neck,
as if that night would last forever in your arms
strange how your absence tightens its grip around me
to where I can't breath without yearning for your arms.
I wonder what you were thinking on our last night
and who tonight dreams in the embrace of your arms.
Yes, so lovely are the words and how much I want this love for you to last, that there may still be a chance for you to be this happy and in love. Although this poem is probably just a poem and not your real situation, it is that well written that i would want this for you. Anyway, it was great to see a poem from you again. I am happy that you are posting your work here again. I know that you have been busy for a while so welcome back and please have a marvelous day.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Good morning, Andre: I applaud you for this magnificent ghazal. You have given a thorough lesson on how to write this kind of poem and your love poem couplets were so moving and lovely. Such expressions of love made me wish that this love never ended for you.
Had I know that would be our last night together,
I would have pressed myself tighter into your arms,
And held my breath while feeling your breath on my neck,
as if that night would last forever in your arms
strange how your absence tightens its grip around me
to where I can't breath without yearning for your arms.
I wonder what you were thinking on our last night
and who tonight dreams in the embrace of your arms.
Yes, so lovely are the words and how much I want this love for you to last, that there may still be a chance for you to be this happy and in love. Although this poem is probably just a poem and not your real situation, it is that well written that i would want this for you. Anyway, it was great to see a poem from you again. I am happy that you are posting your work here again. I know that you have been busy for a while so welcome back and please have a marvelous day.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Thank you, Tier, for your detailed review and well wishes. There is a grain of truth in this poem which spawned a treasury of imagery, memories, and imagination. Thanks also for pointing out your favorite couplets. I'm glad to be posting again. Cheers.
Comment from jenintorre
Well I must say your poem "your arms" is very unusual. I was quite fascinated by it but I couldn't really feel any apathy towards the writer and I think arms were mentioned a few too many times but it was a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Well I must say your poem "your arms" is very unusual. I was quite fascinated by it but I couldn't really feel any apathy towards the writer and I think arms were mentioned a few too many times but it was a very interesting read.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Thank you, jenintorre, for your review and comments. Other reviewers made the same comment too about length. Ghazals are structured so that the root repetition always goes at the end of the second line of each couplet. The form allows anywhere from five to fifteen couplets. No more and no less. Nonetheless, I am glad you found this a fascinating and interesting read.
Comment from nomi338
Focusing on a specific detail about a lost love can do one of two things for the one reminiscing. It can make the time spent together all the sweeter in memory, or it can make the parting all the more painful as it could reinforce the thought that never again will you enjoy or encounter the details that you one made such full use of. This poem is sad and bittersweet.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Focusing on a specific detail about a lost love can do one of two things for the one reminiscing. It can make the time spent together all the sweeter in memory, or it can make the parting all the more painful as it could reinforce the thought that never again will you enjoy or encounter the details that you one made such full use of. This poem is sad and bittersweet.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Thank you, nomi338, for your review of my bittersweet poem. I appreciate it.
Comment from Ricky1024
this is Well written with good seamen imagery flood well-read well with no grammar issues descriptive content was present as well as descriptive measures which were aligned perfectly thanks for this talk to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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this is Well written with good seamen imagery flood well-read well with no grammar issues descriptive content was present as well as descriptive measures which were aligned perfectly thanks for this talk to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Thank you, Ricky, for your review of the descriptive contest of my poem. I appreciate it.
Comment from DR DIP
hmmm I like your intent with the repetition of the theme line "in your arms". I think with this format it deserves to be read aloud and presented by the author with the feeling one is accustomed to. Where would lovers be without arms? They are a very important appendage. lol
Thanks for sharing Andre
dip
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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hmmm I like your intent with the repetition of the theme line "in your arms". I think with this format it deserves to be read aloud and presented by the author with the feeling one is accustomed to. Where would lovers be without arms? They are a very important appendage. lol
Thanks for sharing Andre
dip
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Yes, Dip, I have watched videos of poets and singers reciting or singing their ghazals in Urdu. They sound melodic, making my ghazal a fine poem to read at poetry open mics. Thank you for your review and encouragement.
