Your Arms
a ghazal62 total reviews
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
This is another wonderful ghazal, Andre, I love the intimate descriptiveness of the words you chose. I love this line,
"Had I known that would be our last night together,
I would have pressed myself tighter into your arms"
Awe...It's all turns so sad. Great job with this. ~Kerry
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
  |
This is another wonderful ghazal, Andre, I love the intimate descriptiveness of the words you chose. I love this line,
"Had I known that would be our last night together,
I would have pressed myself tighter into your arms"
Awe...It's all turns so sad. Great job with this. ~Kerry
Comment Written 13-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Kerry, for your review. I am having a lot of fun writing these ghazals and just picked up two books today on how to write them in English. Thanks also for pointing out your favorite descriptive lines.
-
That's very cool:) Sorry I'm late on replies, Andre, I hav'nt been on much with the holidays. busy..busy.. lol Merry Christmas!
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I love the rawness and all the emotion this has in it. I love spooning. There is just something that makes you feel so protected. I can't imagine what it's like to lose that feeling. If this is a true story I'm sorry. It'll get better and keep your head up
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
 |
I love the rawness and all the emotion this has in it. I love spooning. There is just something that makes you feel so protected. I can't imagine what it's like to lose that feeling. If this is a true story I'm sorry. It'll get better and keep your head up
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Oh, thank you, ExperiencingLiphe, for your generous, six star review of my raw, emotional poem. This story contains a grain of truth and a dump truck of loss which I used as a jumping off point for my imagination and heart. Once again, thanks.
Comment from Zinnia48
This is extraordinarily beautiful, and a sweet tribute to that relationship. Using cuplets gave additional power/space to each remembrance. my only tiny point of discomfort is the repetition of "arms". It began to feel repetitious--but that's just me. Thanks for sharing your talent. Caroline
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
|
This is extraordinarily beautiful, and a sweet tribute to that relationship. Using cuplets gave additional power/space to each remembrance. my only tiny point of discomfort is the repetition of "arms". It began to feel repetitious--but that's just me. Thanks for sharing your talent. Caroline
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Caroline, for your generous review of my bittersweet tribute to a relationship.
Two hours ago I checked out from the library Agha Shahid Ali's book of American ghazals. The repetitions (or refrains) run throughout the poem's couplets, but I learned that these poems often have a changing rhyme in front of the refrain that would lessen the harshness of the repetition. Mine does not have that rhyme in front of the refrain, but my "Chocolate" poem does.
Once again, thanks.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I recall you inscribed my name twice on your skin;
did you remove the "Andre" tattoos from your arms?
A great analogy. Sometimes love fades away like an old tattoo. It's too bad it couldn't last.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
|
I recall you inscribed my name twice on your skin;
did you remove the "Andre" tattoos from your arms?
A great analogy. Sometimes love fades away like an old tattoo. It's too bad it couldn't last.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Yes, Thomas, too bad it couldn?t last. Thank you for your review of my poem and pointing out the analogy that touched you.
Comment from Lee Barnett
I like the repetition of the phrase "your arms." But is it the sweetness of love now missed that is your theme. Using words like anaconda, centipede, scars, and blood pressure cuffs introduce imagery that imply ugliness and cruelty. Is that the intent?
Nice use of couplets.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
 |
I like the repetition of the phrase "your arms." But is it the sweetness of love now missed that is your theme. Using words like anaconda, centipede, scars, and blood pressure cuffs introduce imagery that imply ugliness and cruelty. Is that the intent?
Nice use of couplets.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Thank you, Lee, for your review. I will answer your question about my word choice. Sometimes love is strange and sometimes suffocating. I often combine the sweet and the bitter in poems. In this one, I also wanted to match or exceed the exotic imagery of ghazals written in Pashto and Urdu.
Comment from jacobpaulpatchen
This was enjoyable and I was able to relate to the words. I think that a lovers embrace is just something that sticks with you. The repetitive word "arms" really drive home how important they were.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
|
This was enjoyable and I was able to relate to the words. I think that a lovers embrace is just something that sticks with you. The repetitive word "arms" really drive home how important they were.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Thank you, Jacob, for your review. I am glad that you found my poem and its repetitions enjoyable.
Comment from estory
Great poem. I loved how you unfolded it in all these fragments, these little glimpses of her arms. The most moving moment was when you realize it was the last night in her arms, and you wish you could have pressed yourself tighter in her embrace. The last line was great too, you wonder if the tattoos of your name were erased. Here we get a sense of a love that is evaporating, living on only in memory, a love that nowadays we can erase. very emotional. nice honest, natural sounding voice hammers home the emotion here. estory
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
|
Great poem. I loved how you unfolded it in all these fragments, these little glimpses of her arms. The most moving moment was when you realize it was the last night in her arms, and you wish you could have pressed yourself tighter in her embrace. The last line was great too, you wonder if the tattoos of your name were erased. Here we get a sense of a love that is evaporating, living on only in memory, a love that nowadays we can erase. very emotional. nice honest, natural sounding voice hammers home the emotion here. estory
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Yes, estory, it is always painful. If I had known it would be our last night together, I would have pressed myself tighter into those loving arms. It's hard to think about my tattooed name being removed. Thank you for your kind, sympathetic review.
Comment from jessica.maclellan
A touching poem full of both joy and sorrow; nothing lasts forever, and we should cherish what we have while it's still there, as we never know when it will be taken away.
Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
|
A touching poem full of both joy and sorrow; nothing lasts forever, and we should cherish what we have while it's still there, as we never know when it will be taken away.
Well done.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Thank you, Jessica, for your kind review. Yes, we should cherish what and who we have while they are still here.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, Andre,
Good poem about arms. :D
I really liked your descriptions in these lines:
Our entwined fingers formed a human centipede; Spooning, I imagined our bodies merged to one--
I have one suggestion:
I kissed your skin and tasted the sweat (women don't sweat we glisten -- just kidding) on your arms.
Happy holidays!
Nome
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
|
Hello, Andre,
Good poem about arms. :D
I really liked your descriptions in these lines:
Our entwined fingers formed a human centipede; Spooning, I imagined our bodies merged to one--
I have one suggestion:
I kissed your skin and tasted the sweat (women don't sweat we glisten -- just kidding) on your arms.
Happy holidays!
Nome
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Thank you again, Nome, for your review and for pointing out your favorite descriptive lines. I will take another look at that "sweat" line. Thanks.
Comment from Gloria ....
Ah, some most delicious moments in this delightful ghazal. I am not familiar with the form, but I may try one.
I especially liked the part of missing him so much you couldn't breathe. Yeeeeeees.
Very nicely done dear Sis.
Gloria
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
|
Ah, some most delicious moments in this delightful ghazal. I am not familiar with the form, but I may try one.
I especially liked the part of missing him so much you couldn't breathe. Yeeeeeees.
Very nicely done dear Sis.
Gloria
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
-
Yes, yes, yes, missing him so much you couldn't breathe. Thank you for your review, Gloria, and for pointing out your favorite line. Many reviewers loved that line, too.
