Reviews from

In My Father's House part 16

A man returns home after a long abnsense

9 total reviews 
Comment from Daniel Wood
Excellent
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This is nice read. It reads a little slow in the beginning but does a good job building it up. The ending was great and I couldn't help but chuckle. I did not see any SPAG. Nice job.

 Comment Written 19-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
    Appreciate your review. If you have the time, you might read the preceeding postings. The posting you read makes more sense with the background of prior postings. Anyway, thanks for the review.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Excellent
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This is another good installation of your novel. I enjoyed reading.

I nodded, "Yes Sir." *(nodded isn't a speech tag so you need a period, not a comma)

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    Thanks for the review and the heads up on the comma...slipped right nby me. I have started the next installment, been boneing up on gem stones.
Comment from Sharon Meda
Excellent
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This is an interesting chapter. I can hardly wait to see what happens next.
What happens with the jewelry and Mr Brickle.
Story is well told. Characters are believable.
Well done. Looking forward to the next part.
Sharon

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    Go appreciate your read and comments. I am working on next chapter...on version number two. Hope to have it our soon.
Comment from emptypage
Excellent
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I wish I'd found you earlier. Actually, I think I did but I forgot to fan you. I'll do that right away. And I've got some catching up to do, but this makes for a good read.

Something not good is going on with this Mr. Greenburg. At least, I feel that direction. We'll see, I guess!

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    This is a long story with a number of characters. If you have missed reading some of the preceeding chapters, this postings might be somewhat confusing. I do appreciate your read and comments.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
Comment from S. Pumpkin
Excellent
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Very nice work with this one. Great descriptions and buildup to the question about the missing and found rubies. I found one minor spag in the title description. You have abnsense when I think it should be absence.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    Correct on the SPAG...thanks. I seem to read by my mistakes, and I do 5 to 6 rewrites before posting. Thanks for the read and heads up
Comment from Ellie707
Excellent
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Well written piece - makes me want to know what is going on, which is a good thing.

Strong verbs lend an air of excitement to this chapter. The only thing I don't know (as this is what happens when you come mid-stream) who Mr. Greenberg is and to whom he he gives his instructions to.

I love the ending - the author hints that he has a sense of humor.

A few minor corrections: "broach" should be "brooch" throughout the document. "I was" should not be italicized. Sentence should be "I slept . . . in the back room?"

He kept mumbling and hand searching his pockets, asking, "Where . . . where . . ."

Should be every now and then, not even now and then -
"go for a dry stretch ever now and then, but he would chuck it for some personal time with Jack Daniels." great line!

Good job!

Ellie

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    Thanks for the read and comments...I spend a lot of time rewriting, just always thinking I can do better.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
reply by Ellie707 on 08-Dec-2017
    Keep up the good work!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Excellent
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This speaks a formal return of a man to his home after a long absence, and he finds all beautiful, after sometime members began normal course of living; climax yet to come; I like. DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    Thanks for the review, I spend a lot of time rewriting each posting..never satisfied,
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
Comment from Janilou
Excellent
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Coming in at Chapter 16 or part 16 it was a little tricky figuring out what was going on so I focused on looking for any edits needed.


Beau spoke softly, in a whisper, " My dad ... all this, my dad he made all this, my dad. I (? )knew he made stuff ... never knew, never."

Did you miss a word here?

All the best.
Jan

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    Thanks for the read and heads up,,,much appreciated
Comment from humpwhistle
Excellent
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An interesting chapter, Hal. Not sure what's going on between Greenberg and Brickle, but I'm pretty sure the rubies are somehow involved. Nice job of setting up the suspense.

I think Evil Eddie has been messing with you. All your like breaks between paragraphs are missing.

I made a few notes as I read.

Peace, Lee



It was well known that Mr. Brickle had a problem with sobriety, he avoided it.--Good line, Hal.

Hortense Johnson's diamond and ruby broach. --brooch. (broach appears a couple of times).

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    Thanks for review...hope to have another posting very soon. Your review carries great weight with me...yoiu are among the best, if not the best at FS