I Bleed Patriotic Blood
Written when Bush and Cheeny were starting wars.8 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt poem. Many soldiers are still boys when they go to fight for their country and they are excited to serve their country. The ones who make it home in one piece are not the same innocent boy who left to serve his country.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
  |
A very well-written heartfelt poem. Many soldiers are still boys when they go to fight for their country and they are excited to serve their country. The ones who make it home in one piece are not the same innocent boy who left to serve his country.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
-
I thank you Sandra. tom
Comment from Pantygynt
Now this is about as different from the last one of yours I tried to review as it could possibly be. The underlying strong trochaic beat dominate this poem and hammers the anti-war message home without compromise.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
|
Now this is about as different from the last one of yours I tried to review as it could possibly be. The underlying strong trochaic beat dominate this poem and hammers the anti-war message home without compromise.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
-
Thanks again Pantygynt. Take care. tom
Comment from Janilou
A very powerful and moving piece of poetry.
It speaks volumes for what so many suffer though.
I have one minor suggestion:
Hear
them walkin' in my
dream hear them talkin'
through a scream. Feel another
dear one's dread, got another brother dead.
This is the second use of Hear to start in a row. How about:
See
them walkin' in my
dream hear them talkin'
through a scream. Feel another
dear one's dread, got another brother dead.
Just a thought.
All the best,
Jan
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
|
A very powerful and moving piece of poetry.
It speaks volumes for what so many suffer though.
I have one minor suggestion:
Hear
them walkin' in my
dream hear them talkin'
through a scream. Feel another
dear one's dread, got another brother dead.
This is the second use of Hear to start in a row. How about:
See
them walkin' in my
dream hear them talkin'
through a scream. Feel another
dear one's dread, got another brother dead.
Just a thought.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
-
Hi Jan. Thank you very much friend. tom
Comment from rama devi
under
dirt and over brave
Stroke of genius phrasing!
* Great internal rhymin' (also not one spag):
Hear
them walkin' in my
dream(,) hear them talkin'
Potent repetition here and good internal rhyme:
Cost,
cost, what a
cost, every goddamn
thing is lost. War? War? Got to
fight, got to fight, got to fight a war tonight.
Excellent alliteration in this excellent stanza:
Needs
of soldiers never
met, not by Bush and Cheney yet.
I am ragged, I am tough,
I bleed patriotic blood!
Powerful and unique:
I
roam and rage
around my cage, I'm on a
very sorry stage. I'm filled with mental
incompletes as I go back out on the streets.
Tragic closing note:
I
am a vet
not home quite yet, (POTENT LINE!)
and "Charlie's" winning every
bet. A junkie needs a daily fix of
love and smack, a perfect mix, that takes
away the jungle creep and puts his body back to sleep.
A penetrating poem. Bravo. Wish I had a six for those stroke of genius Aha phrases.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
|
under
dirt and over brave
Stroke of genius phrasing!
* Great internal rhymin' (also not one spag):
Hear
them walkin' in my
dream(,) hear them talkin'
Potent repetition here and good internal rhyme:
Cost,
cost, what a
cost, every goddamn
thing is lost. War? War? Got to
fight, got to fight, got to fight a war tonight.
Excellent alliteration in this excellent stanza:
Needs
of soldiers never
met, not by Bush and Cheney yet.
I am ragged, I am tough,
I bleed patriotic blood!
Powerful and unique:
I
roam and rage
around my cage, I'm on a
very sorry stage. I'm filled with mental
incompletes as I go back out on the streets.
Tragic closing note:
I
am a vet
not home quite yet, (POTENT LINE!)
and "Charlie's" winning every
bet. A junkie needs a daily fix of
love and smack, a perfect mix, that takes
away the jungle creep and puts his body back to sleep.
A penetrating poem. Bravo. Wish I had a six for those stroke of genius Aha phrases.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
-
Thank you sis. tom
Comment from Sherman541
I so remember this. My brother and his friends came home safe and in one piece. Some however, were no longer capable or fit for a regular life. The addicts that they had become, some drunks, some drugs and some both. A few of them so bad they no longer knew their own name let alone other family and friends. Some the nightmares they had. War is Hell! You did a good job of explaining it. Sherman541
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
|
I so remember this. My brother and his friends came home safe and in one piece. Some however, were no longer capable or fit for a regular life. The addicts that they had become, some drunks, some drugs and some both. A few of them so bad they no longer knew their own name let alone other family and friends. Some the nightmares they had. War is Hell! You did a good job of explaining it. Sherman541
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
-
Thank you Sherman. tom
-
:)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks the state of affairs of living and status of citizenry during the cold war thoughts period that the poet remembers it was drastic poet bleeds patriotic blood; I like. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
|
This speaks the state of affairs of living and status of citizenry during the cold war thoughts period that the poet remembers it was drastic poet bleeds patriotic blood; I like. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
-
Thanks ALD. tom
Comment from kiwigirl2821
I didn't know you were a past solider ... I enjoy your writes even when they are tough to read. I don't particularly think in words of violence bu I see you have definitely got some things to say. I didn't like the Bush/Cheney regime either!
good luck. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
|
I didn't know you were a past solider ... I enjoy your writes even when they are tough to read. I don't particularly think in words of violence bu I see you have definitely got some things to say. I didn't like the Bush/Cheney regime either!
good luck. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
-
Hi Kiwi and thank you so much for the fine review. tom
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The harsh reality of war and the consequences of it, so well rhymed with scheming words of those who sit behind a desk and play with other people's lives, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
|
The harsh reality of war and the consequences of it, so well rhymed with scheming words of those who sit behind a desk and play with other people's lives, love Dolly x
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
-
Thank you Dolly. tom
