Forsaken City
A garden poem.48 total reviews
Comment from Rasmine
This is where your poem gets really good:
Is there somewhere, hidden,
in forbidden and abandoned land,
a grisly, gated city sealed and shut
by rusted nails?
Standing where citrus fruit rots,
in the sultry dusk of time?
Eden,
forsaken city
of ruination;
failed Garden of God.
My favorite stanza is the last. Seems some anger is there.
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This is where your poem gets really good:
Is there somewhere, hidden,
in forbidden and abandoned land,
a grisly, gated city sealed and shut
by rusted nails?
Standing where citrus fruit rots,
in the sultry dusk of time?
Eden,
forsaken city
of ruination;
failed Garden of God.
My favorite stanza is the last. Seems some anger is there.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow. I enjoyed the combustible language of this poem. It has its own energy and rhythm. I am reminded of revisionist "histories" of the South which wash over the legacy of slavery:
The new South seduced
by reanimated myth
reproduced to promote
frenetic fevered pleasures
in revisionist
seekers of false history.
It is sad we have come to this.
You use strong, vivid and emotional imagery to describe this devastated landscape of a forsaken city and mind:
Is there somewhere, hidden,
in forbidden and abandoned land,
a grisly, gated city sealed and shut
by rusted nails?
You close your poem with imagery I can smell as the Garden of God rots:
Standing where citrus fruit rots,
in the sultry dusk of time?
Eden,
forsaken city
of ruination;
failed Garden of God.
This is powerful poetry that thrilled me to read. Thank you for sharing.
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Wow. I enjoyed the combustible language of this poem. It has its own energy and rhythm. I am reminded of revisionist "histories" of the South which wash over the legacy of slavery:
The new South seduced
by reanimated myth
reproduced to promote
frenetic fevered pleasures
in revisionist
seekers of false history.
It is sad we have come to this.
You use strong, vivid and emotional imagery to describe this devastated landscape of a forsaken city and mind:
Is there somewhere, hidden,
in forbidden and abandoned land,
a grisly, gated city sealed and shut
by rusted nails?
You close your poem with imagery I can smell as the Garden of God rots:
Standing where citrus fruit rots,
in the sultry dusk of time?
Eden,
forsaken city
of ruination;
failed Garden of God.
This is powerful poetry that thrilled me to read. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Tom, I am always shaking my head after reading one of yours cause there is so much in here and yet I'm at a total loss to understand all of it. I get big chunks but then it seems to go on a tangent somewhere else. xoxo deborah
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Hi Tom, I am always shaking my head after reading one of yours cause there is so much in here and yet I'm at a total loss to understand all of it. I get big chunks but then it seems to go on a tangent somewhere else. xoxo deborah
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
Comment from Natalie Walker
The use of imagery and metaphor in this poem is excellent. It builds suspense to the final stanza, which is more direct. It flows nicely and the tone is clearly critical and dark.
I didn't notice any errors or typos.
Nice work!
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The use of imagery and metaphor in this poem is excellent. It builds suspense to the final stanza, which is more direct. It flows nicely and the tone is clearly critical and dark.
I didn't notice any errors or typos.
Nice work!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
Comment from twotock
Can. Put them in a can! A rose for all religions? Unless a rose is a life? Then explain it to me. Me, being them. (South is not , 'Me') I have no footing to call myself anything here... What is a rose? And where is the South? My south ? Your South? His south? Your personal understanding is not explained, just expected. I give you five for your explanation pleas.
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Can. Put them in a can! A rose for all religions? Unless a rose is a life? Then explain it to me. Me, being them. (South is not , 'Me') I have no footing to call myself anything here... What is a rose? And where is the South? My south ? Your South? His south? Your personal understanding is not explained, just expected. I give you five for your explanation pleas.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
Comment from catch22
Hello Tom, this is a very skillful piece of poetry. I love the symbolism of the red rose being the romantic fantasy of Southern Confederate pride. I never really understood its allure. I guess it's a bastion for the folks that have nothing else to hold onto. Love the juxtaposition of old and new, reality and fantasy in this write.
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Hello Tom, this is a very skillful piece of poetry. I love the symbolism of the red rose being the romantic fantasy of Southern Confederate pride. I never really understood its allure. I guess it's a bastion for the folks that have nothing else to hold onto. Love the juxtaposition of old and new, reality and fantasy in this write.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
Comment from c_lucas
Nature has a way to regenerate as the year goes by. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read. There is very good imagery.
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Nature has a way to regenerate as the year goes by. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
Comment from esacony
To me this represents the admonishment of modern day movements to whitewash history and eventually eliminate it.
"Is there somewhere hidden
in forbidden and abandoned land
a grisly gated city sealed and shut
by rusted nails?"
One need only know in the real world of quantum Physic there is no separation in any acts of history and the entirety of life from its beginning contains all event. To attempt to diminish an act or actions from the past reduces our own existence and eventually we turn to ash....... cremated by our own obsession to be clean.
Nice job.
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To me this represents the admonishment of modern day movements to whitewash history and eventually eliminate it.
"Is there somewhere hidden
in forbidden and abandoned land
a grisly gated city sealed and shut
by rusted nails?"
One need only know in the real world of quantum Physic there is no separation in any acts of history and the entirety of life from its beginning contains all event. To attempt to diminish an act or actions from the past reduces our own existence and eventually we turn to ash....... cremated by our own obsession to be clean.
Nice job.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
Comment from Pantygynt
To be honest I am not sure where to start with this. But I will kick off with the oxymoron "in symbiotic sacrifice." Symbiosis being the mutual benefit of two parties and sacrifice being the detriment of one party for the benefit of the other I simply don't understand how a symbiotic sacrifice can exist. Certainly that contradiction has disintegrated my thought totally. And what about the common sought? Sought being the past participle of the verb to seek, though here it seems to be used as a noun like the similarly pronounced "sort".
Sorry this one has me beat. Itr feels highly intelligent and poetic but I am wondering if there isn't a whiff of the emperors clothes in here.
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To be honest I am not sure where to start with this. But I will kick off with the oxymoron "in symbiotic sacrifice." Symbiosis being the mutual benefit of two parties and sacrifice being the detriment of one party for the benefit of the other I simply don't understand how a symbiotic sacrifice can exist. Certainly that contradiction has disintegrated my thought totally. And what about the common sought? Sought being the past participle of the verb to seek, though here it seems to be used as a noun like the similarly pronounced "sort".
Sorry this one has me beat. Itr feels highly intelligent and poetic but I am wondering if there isn't a whiff of the emperors clothes in here.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
Comment from MelB
Great description and imagery. Excellent use of alliteration. Mankind sure has failed and we seem dead set on self destruction of ourselves, just like in the garden. Thankfully, we've been saved if we choose to accept it.
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Great description and imagery. Excellent use of alliteration. Mankind sure has failed and we seem dead set on self destruction of ourselves, just like in the garden. Thankfully, we've been saved if we choose to accept it.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
