Reviews from

The Night Lady

She Shuns the Hopeless Day

45 total reviews 
Comment from honeytree
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

It is sad seeing many
like this person
and I guess their could be
a lot of people like this
in the world suffering
like this.

Honeytree

 Comment Written 12-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
    Thank you for the 6, Annie. Yess there are many around.
Comment from gloria ...
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Terrific poem, Diane. You open up with the tone of shadowy figures right off and then carry us to the full blown image of a woman avoiding society, the daylight, the dreaded other.

Terrific job with this free verse.

Gloria

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
    Thank you, Gloria. I.m glad you liked it.
Comment from B.B. Rose
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I'm curious as to your statement that you didn't know where this powerful poem came from...Did you not base it on the photo first or was it the other way around? Anyway, you have some very fine lines in this work, especially, the only hint
that she once carried the world
upon her shoulders,
but was overcome
by its weight. As I cannot detect a strict meter requirement, you might consider deleting the unnecessary word "that." Just to give a final bit of polish to a very fine poem.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
    I will look at it BB. It took me awhile to rmember what it was based upon. On my work in the darkness there would always be a woman with a shopping cart hurrying back to where, I din't know before the dawn hit the skies.
Comment from lauralumummu
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I love this one. There was a lady that lived in the bus shelter near me, I tried to help her but she still preferred her shelter. Well done again! It has a thought-provoking theme. All the best Laura

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    Thank you, Laural. They often are very independent people.
Comment from BermyBye50
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is an interesting and thought provoking write. Each stanza is well written and the form is perfect. It reminds me of the life of an old hermit I met at age 5 who lived in a dilapidated house on the adjacent lot next to my home. Like you I too nearly 55 years later question if will end up like him sometimes.

Excellent job

Eugene

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    Thank you, Eugene. It took some time but I remember her from 20 years ago. I would see her while I was driving in the dark to my work.
Comment from Rasmine
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Artemis,
You don't know where this comes from, but it is a beauty inside of you. Compassion.
When I lived in Hartford, there were homeless all over. Now, there doesn't seem to be many where I live now. Cities are best for homeless. It's just so sad. When I did my thesis, the population that were growing the quickest were children. :( When their parents lose their job, their home, where do they go? And it's the children that will suffer :(
Thank you, for sharing this.
Nome

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    I appreciate your review, Rasmine. It would be very difficult for me to see a homeless child.
reply by Rasmine on 09-Dec-2017
    Me too!!!
Comment from ronnie k
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

VERY WELL presented, you such a very clear look not from the outside alone, this pen gave me the look I have always seem but your poem placed me very close to the saying "There but by the grace of GOD GO I'

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    I thank you very much, Ronnie. For many years I've been aware that I could be in that same place.
Comment from Joseph W. Sestrich
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

some of our best writing comes from an unknown source. Most of us have seen this picture, if not, something similar to it. Not all have reflected it into words as you have. I especially liked your poetic phrasing, " she once carried the world upon her shoulders, but was but was overcome by its weight". Nice.

None of us really know if such a state of life could befall us. I bet most of whom it has happened, never thought it would to them. I have thus far been able to avoid such a fate, though I have been well on my way on one occasion.

Good work here. Very well done.




 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    I thank you very much, Joseph. Actually, I finally remembered her. She could be seen in the dark while I was driving to work over twenty years ago.
Comment from Boogienights
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I really liked this poem, you seem to have a understanding of what a homeless person feels like. We see them on the street, at least I have, but aside from wondering about them, really nothing gets done to help them.very well written and thought provoking. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    Thank you, Boogienights. I finally remembered her from 20 years ago. She was quite real.
Comment from Sis Cat
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Yes, no one knows if we can ever be her. That is one of the frightening things about homelessness--it can happen to us or people we know. While based on observation, this is an empathetic poem filled with vivid, emotional details to paint a stark portrait of this shopping cart lady:

a slumped posture
and a slowed gait
are the only hint
that she once carried the world
upon her shoulders,
but was overcome
by its weight.

While her destination is unknown, the question you pose at the end of your poem is terrifying. You take a detached observation and made it intimate and real.

This is superb, raw free verse with an emotional punch. Thank you for sharing and caring.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    I thank you for your in depth, review, Sis Cat. I thought the lines you quoted were appropriate for her status. I finally remember having seen her over 20 years ago while I drove to work in the darkness. She was quite real.