Reviews from

Community Dance S-16

Trouble before the dance

35 total reviews 
Comment from rheabug
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Charles, I am hoping that you have a quick recovery.
This chapter about Jerry and his fight I well written and as usual I find your writing an enjoyment. One thing is that you referred to Lynda as Linda in the second paragraph. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
    Thank you for your review, comments , editing and stars, Rhea. Charlie
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

As always your dialog is perfect. This is a good continuation of your story. I have missed your posts. It's good to see you're back. I look forward to your posts.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
    Thank you for your review and comments, Tom. Charlie
Comment from Wabigoon
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Charlie--
Nicely described fight and aftermath. Sounds a bit like a triple hernia operation with successful outcome! I hope so. Thanks, I always appreciate your views into the west, old and new.

Best
Wabigoon/Jeff

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
    Thank you for your review and comments, Jeff. Charlie
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Once again you have told a great story. I noted an issue. I will give a six because I'm sure you will correct it.

The stranger's fist grazed his face. In trying to free himself from Lynda's grip and avoiding the coming blow, Jerry lost his balance and fell backward; Linda followed.

His attacker, misread the situation and moved in for the kill.

Free of Lynda's grip, Jerry twisted away from his attacker's kick and caused the stranger to lose his footing. (You already said he was free from Lynda's grip so it doesn't need to be repeated. Also is Lynda and Linda the same person?????)

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    Thank you for your review, comments and editing, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from Dan Diego
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What we have here ... is a good ole fashioned donnybrook. I usually have trouble with fight scenes. Some writers get the sequence of events out of whack. I had no problem here. But the banter that follows is pure country. I'm assuming by the way you titled this, there is more before and more to follow. I'll keep an eye out, partner.

I looked closely for spelling, grammar, an punctuation errors. None. I check for flow and it went smooth. The dialogue was realistic. This post demonstrates a writer clearly in charge of his narrative.

Thanks for sharing. Hope to see you around the campfire.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    Thank you for your review and comments, DD. Charlie
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

C, sorry to hear about your triple hernia operation. It couldn't have been very comfortable but at least you are all sorted before Christmas takes hold.

I enjoyed reading your action packed cowboy fighting story. It was full of life, with dust flying around along with fighting words. I only have one comment about this line, if I may. I thought perhaps it would have more effect if the English used remained consistent - as shown in ( ).

"You Son-of-a-Bitch! I was gonna rough you up; Now, I'm go(nna) kill ya..."

Just food for thought. Thanks for the read. ~DD

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
    Thank you for your review, comment and editing, DD. Charlie.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello Charlie just like everyone on Fanstory I'm so glad to see you back writing your action filled
westerns. You sure know how to describe a good fight, before a community western dance
It seems you are slowly on the mend
Gert

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    Doing my best, Gert. Charlie
reply by Gert sherwood on 08-Dec-2017
    Charlie keep on doing your best.
    Gert
Comment from Ulla
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Charlie, and welcome back. I'm glad you've recovered from your operation. Well this is full of action, a lot happening in a short frame of time, and it's very well written. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    Thank you Ulla for your review and comments. I'm not healed quite yet. Two of the incisions are healing nicely. The third is giving me problems. Charlie
reply by Ulla on 08-Dec-2017
    Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Hope it will be okay soon:))
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    I see my primary on Monday.
reply by Ulla on 08-Dec-2017
    Okay, I hope for the best.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

First, happy to hear you are back in the saddle again after your surgery. This is splendidly written and a most enjoyable read. Looks like the Sheriff is about to get his just deserts. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
    Thank you for your review and comments, M. A. Charlie
Comment from zekeziemann
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You got me hooked. Well thought pout dialogue and story. I hope you recover soon and keep writing. Merry Christmas and Blessings!

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    Thank you for your review and comments, Zeke.