Another Jackie O
Written in Chicago doing the beat clubs 196362 total reviews
Comment from Brigitte Elko
This is a hardcore poetic wail of a life and told with descriptive adjectives that numb the senses. Your style, unique to say the least, is yours alone. I love your getting deep into the soul with your verb age. The analogy is superb and shouts out loud to this reader. May I use a trite word? Awesome!!!! Wish I had six stars to award.
Blessings,
Brigitte
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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This is a hardcore poetic wail of a life and told with descriptive adjectives that numb the senses. Your style, unique to say the least, is yours alone. I love your getting deep into the soul with your verb age. The analogy is superb and shouts out loud to this reader. May I use a trite word? Awesome!!!! Wish I had six stars to award.
Blessings,
Brigitte
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Hi Brigitte. I thank you so much for supporting my poetics and for the exceptional review of a poem I wrote when I was 21 years a babe. lol I thank you again good friend. tom
Comment from Wabigoon
Easy--
I like this a lot having had a certain attraction for a "Crazy Lady" once, who reminds me some of this one, yours.
I wonder why this subject matter? What about this person and her decline into a kind of jagged anti-sanity compelled this poem?
It is a little too rhymey for me, or the rhythms are not jagged enough, "crazy" enough and I feel they should be.
But I applaud your effort and the subject matter--
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Easy--
I like this a lot having had a certain attraction for a "Crazy Lady" once, who reminds me some of this one, yours.
I wonder why this subject matter? What about this person and her decline into a kind of jagged anti-sanity compelled this poem?
It is a little too rhymey for me, or the rhythms are not jagged enough, "crazy" enough and I feel they should be.
But I applaud your effort and the subject matter--
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Hi Jeff. This poem was kind of a compilation of street folk I'd seen both in NYC and Chicago. I wrote it in '63' while hitting the 'beat clubs' in Chicago. The "lady" in the poem just came together one night after clubbing on Chicago's South side and I haven't changed a word in all the years since I wrote it. I really appreciate your comments and your outstanding rating. Glad you enjoyed. tom
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
i'm brain-drained, insane, dissipated plain,
a bucket full of truth even Jesus wouldn't claim
so crucify your comfort, your gentrified name,
then bring it to the street, bitch, let me see your shame. '
You say you are formalist but this comes across more like an amazing modern masterpiece fused with rap...it is outstanding in every way, every line a marvel, deserving of a six for sure kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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i'm brain-drained, insane, dissipated plain,
a bucket full of truth even Jesus wouldn't claim
so crucify your comfort, your gentrified name,
then bring it to the street, bitch, let me see your shame. '
You say you are formalist but this comes across more like an amazing modern masterpiece fused with rap...it is outstanding in every way, every line a marvel, deserving of a six for sure kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Hi Meia. I actually created this character, the lady, from observing the street people of both New York and Chicago in the summer of '63'. A friend and myself hit all the 'beat' coffee houses on Chicago's South side. I enjoyed the open mike venue where local poets would read their verse to the audience. I didn't read that night, though subsequently, did read in a few clubs on my return to them later in that week. I was enamored with the 'let it all loose' attitude of the beat poets and this poem was my youthful homage to both the style and content popular in the subset of poets known as the 'beats.' Thank you for a great review my friend. tom
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So beatnik, which of course went on to inspire some forms of rap and spoken word poetry. Don't get me wrong I love formal types of poetry but rarely stick to them. Some of my work has been a bit too 'rappy' for her but if I call it beatick maybe I can! Anyway superb work xx
Comment from nomi338
I have seen her. While I do not know her pain, have never actually felt it. I know that it is real. Not only is it real for her, she has many sisters and brothers who did not start out their lives with this type of end in sight or mind. LA, New York, Chicago, any big city will take you on, break you and reshape you from a bright eyed hopeful and turn you into a dead eyed, used up once wanted to be nobody. Singing that same bitter song of "what if" and "Oh if only" Your description of failure and wasye is as clear as the sound of a bell on a quiet night. Excellent.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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I have seen her. While I do not know her pain, have never actually felt it. I know that it is real. Not only is it real for her, she has many sisters and brothers who did not start out their lives with this type of end in sight or mind. LA, New York, Chicago, any big city will take you on, break you and reshape you from a bright eyed hopeful and turn you into a dead eyed, used up once wanted to be nobody. Singing that same bitter song of "what if" and "Oh if only" Your description of failure and wasye is as clear as the sound of a bell on a quiet night. Excellent.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Hi nomi. "I have seen her." That line alone validates the poem. I think anyone who has walked the streets of major city has seen this lady or seen her brothers; unless they turn inward and walk on by the visions before them due to acute discomfort and even fear of the "other". I thank you very much for this wonderful review my friend. tom
Comment from Pantygynt
In the light of the opening lines of your profile that on my screen is displayed alongside the poem, so it is ever there as it doesn't scroll down to keep place with the poem, tis poem mocks the formalist and cleabvves unto the beat with a vice like grip.
This is a really powerful three part piece in which "the Story" is told in three concise stanzas. The memories last over three times as long and when the lady finally speaks she demolishes any pride the story teller might have had in his "pixilated palindromes" with their splendid alliteration consonce and euphony.
An enjoyable experience to read its less delightful experience of life.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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In the light of the opening lines of your profile that on my screen is displayed alongside the poem, so it is ever there as it doesn't scroll down to keep place with the poem, tis poem mocks the formalist and cleabvves unto the beat with a vice like grip.
This is a really powerful three part piece in which "the Story" is told in three concise stanzas. The memories last over three times as long and when the lady finally speaks she demolishes any pride the story teller might have had in his "pixilated palindromes" with their splendid alliteration consonce and euphony.
An enjoyable experience to read its less delightful experience of life.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Very interesting review my friend. I was impacted greatly by the 'beat' writers of both poetics and prose
and this poem, in style and form and content, was my homage and tribute to truth speaking to power by exposing in stark verse the unseen underbelly of society. The lady in the poem is a compilation of the taste, look, and sounds of the street people in 1963 as I, through my eyes and perceptions, experienced it. Thanks for a super review good friend. tom
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written thought-provoking poem. Most of us living good lives and we have all we need and most of all what we want. We still look at others who are less fortunate as if they are just an annoying pest.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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A very well-written thought-provoking poem. Most of us living good lives and we have all we need and most of all what we want. We still look at others who are less fortunate as if they are just an annoying pest.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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I agree with you Sandra and I thank you for a great review my friend. tom
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"Another Jackie O", is an extremely well-written and thought-provoking piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post. To me, this is a six.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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"Another Jackie O", is an extremely well-written and thought-provoking piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post. To me, this is a six.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Hi duchess. Thank you so much for an outstanding review of this poetic. I am most gratified and humbled my friend. Glad you found it so worthy. tom
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Hi Tom,
You're more than welcome.
Best wishes, bless you and take care,
the Duchess
Comment from rjuselius
Wow! What an outstanding piece of poetry dear tom! It definitely deserves a standing ovation. I love every single word, they remind me of my own illness.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings and a big squeeze!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Wow! What an outstanding piece of poetry dear tom! It definitely deserves a standing ovation. I love every single word, they remind me of my own illness.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings and a big squeeze!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Wow, Rebekka, I am sorry for your illness and elated that you found this poem so worthy. I am dutifully honored my friend. Take care of yourself. tom
Comment from Ogden
This appears to me to be is a very personal, emotional message to someone, possibly not even penned for FanStory. It's an interesting read, that I suspect you expect to be understood only by the woman to whom it's directed. Or maybe I'm dense.
Don (Ogden)
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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This appears to me to be is a very personal, emotional message to someone, possibly not even penned for FanStory. It's an interesting read, that I suspect you expect to be understood only by the woman to whom it's directed. Or maybe I'm dense.
Don (Ogden)
Comment Written 05-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Hi Don. This poem was written in '63' and is inspired by observations of street people in both NYC and Chicago, Ill. I was really a devotee of the 'beat' poets at that time and this poem is written to reflect a compilation of the unique character of the disenfranchised souls that became prisoners of their own mental instability and at times their own destructive life styles. So this is really not about that ragged lady in the poem but she represents a composite of both men and women whose lives have placed them in communion on the mean streets of many cities in our great country. Thank you Don. tom
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Tom, I'm so glad to hear about the origin of the poem, and that it doesn't reflect ongoing anguish of your own.
Don
Comment from Gloria ....
This beauty is definitely not peppered with vapid innocuous euphemisms. The rhythm in combination with rhymes internal and external are the driving force between two worlds of the same person before and after lithium and the duality of judgement.
The final line so important for interpretation, bring it to the street bitch, let me see your shame and then we can talk about it.
A super good read, Everett.
Gloria
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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This beauty is definitely not peppered with vapid innocuous euphemisms. The rhythm in combination with rhymes internal and external are the driving force between two worlds of the same person before and after lithium and the duality of judgement.
The final line so important for interpretation, bring it to the street bitch, let me see your shame and then we can talk about it.
A super good read, Everett.
Gloria
Comment Written 05-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much Gloria. Most honored. tom
