Awesome
my first try at a fusion sonnet. late for the potlatch15 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a good poem with a good and clear message.
The structure seems good although I'm not familiar with this.
It is well rhymed and flows smoothly.
Well done I say.
Sharon
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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This is a good poem with a good and clear message.
The structure seems good although I'm not familiar with this.
It is well rhymed and flows smoothly.
Well done I say.
Sharon
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the thorough review. I appreciate all the stars.
Joan
Comment from kathleenspalding
I like this thoughtful poem with its important message, and loved the optimistic ending. I have a feeling that if you play with the first verse (something stronger than "amount of ," for instance) you will come up with something you like even more.
Thank you for raising awareness!
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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I like this thoughtful poem with its important message, and loved the optimistic ending. I have a feeling that if you play with the first verse (something stronger than "amount of ," for instance) you will come up with something you like even more.
Thank you for raising awareness!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. I will think about rephrasing that part
Joan
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You're welcome
Comment from rhonnie69
Hello DRAGONPOET: It's great to know that all poets have something to offer that all poets can learn from and find useful. Your poem takes wit and concentration to perform as well as you've done here. You had to "work," at it, didn't you? I'm a poet too. I can tell. Good job, DRAGONPOET. I'm sure that I'll be reading you in the future. Thank You: rhonnie69
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Hello DRAGONPOET: It's great to know that all poets have something to offer that all poets can learn from and find useful. Your poem takes wit and concentration to perform as well as you've done here. You had to "work," at it, didn't you? I'm a poet too. I can tell. Good job, DRAGONPOET. I'm sure that I'll be reading you in the future. Thank You: rhonnie69
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thank you for the rave review. I like trying new forms. This one was a hard one. If you want to learn new
forms join the Potlatch club.
dragon
Comment from B.B. Rose
I liked your initial stanza very much especially the phrase "it's illnesses are started by man. In the lines,
"And we set no future plan/
will we supply the Earth's living needs?"
Maybe change to a negative starting with"But..../to restore Earths living needs."
I only suggest this because it seems the way humans are heading. And certainly more dire and concrete illustrations of how mankind is damaging earth. My husband chops wood for our stove.. that's one thing. Clear cutting forests is another thing altogether. Filling the air with fumes and smog, polluting our rivers and lakes with toxic chemicals. Be more specific and powerful in your imagery.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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I liked your initial stanza very much especially the phrase "it's illnesses are started by man. In the lines,
"And we set no future plan/
will we supply the Earth's living needs?"
Maybe change to a negative starting with"But..../to restore Earths living needs."
I only suggest this because it seems the way humans are heading. And certainly more dire and concrete illustrations of how mankind is damaging earth. My husband chops wood for our stove.. that's one thing. Clear cutting forests is another thing altogether. Filling the air with fumes and smog, polluting our rivers and lakes with toxic chemicals. Be more specific and powerful in your imagery.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your review and your comments. I appreciate the editing help and all the stars.
dp
Comment from Liberty Justice
Poet writes like a Naturist Poet who is concerned about man's well being. Writer hopes man will keep the air we breathe and the water we intake clean. Rhymes are sweet and musical blending in with his conservationist ideas. liberty justice
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Poet writes like a Naturist Poet who is concerned about man's well being. Writer hopes man will keep the air we breathe and the water we intake clean. Rhymes are sweet and musical blending in with his conservationist ideas. liberty justice
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Thanks for reading and reviewing this. Glad you liked it.
Joan
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Fusion Sonnet. Nature is awesome at all times. The flaws that exist is caused by humans' negligence and their greed and to be in control of everything.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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A very well-written Fusion Sonnet. Nature is awesome at all times. The flaws that exist is caused by humans' negligence and their greed and to be in control of everything.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the kind words and your comments.
Joan
Comment from Brigitte Elko
Your first try at a fusion sonnet? Remarkably well written. This tribute to nature and human wastefulness is excellently worded and leaves the reader with a poignant message. Good luck in the contest.
Blessings,
Brigitte
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Your first try at a fusion sonnet? Remarkably well written. This tribute to nature and human wastefulness is excellently worded and leaves the reader with a poignant message. Good luck in the contest.
Blessings,
Brigitte
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Thank you , Brigitte, for you words of encouragement. I am glad you thought the message came through
well.
Joan
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Jeepers! Kudos to you simply for being able to decipher all the rules you have to follow for one of these. I don't know if you met the all or not but the poem itself is lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Jeepers! Kudos to you simply for being able to decipher all the rules you have to follow for one of these. I don't know if you met the all or not but the poem itself is lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review this poem. I appreciated the comments and the generous rating.
dp
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Nature's flaws are its joys, an Awsome write with warmth and devotion to nature. Never heard of a fusion sonnet before so I have been educted, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Nature's flaws are its joys, an Awsome write with warmth and devotion to nature. Never heard of a fusion sonnet before so I have been educted, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the kind words and all the stars. I hadn't heard of them either until I joined the potlatch club.
Joan
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
DP,
I really like your topic for this fusion sonnet. You expressed your thoughts & feelings well. Good job on the style of this complicated style. I see you made some revision in its layout since I first read it. I believe that helps greatly when reading it--those line breaks. Good job & thanks for sharing. Your 2 rhetorical questions work well. Mankind has really done a number on Earth/Mother Nature. Thanks for sharing & caring. Jan
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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DP,
I really like your topic for this fusion sonnet. You expressed your thoughts & feelings well. Good job on the style of this complicated style. I see you made some revision in its layout since I first read it. I believe that helps greatly when reading it--those line breaks. Good job & thanks for sharing. Your 2 rhetorical questions work well. Mankind has really done a number on Earth/Mother Nature. Thanks for sharing & caring. Jan
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the kind words and all stars. I am glad you liked the changes.
Joan
