Seascape
Thoughts on falling asleep8 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. Sometimes a little child can make us see the normal things around us in a vety different light. The eb and flow of the ocean looks to a child that there is something boiling.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2017
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A very well-written poem. Sometimes a little child can make us see the normal things around us in a vety different light. The eb and flow of the ocean looks to a child that there is something boiling.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2017
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Thank you, Sarah, for your encouraging review. This 3 year old was my son.
Comment from rama devi
Kids can be so imaginative! the picture matches the poem well. A boiling ocean is an apt image since climate change is certainly heating up the waters! The poem hints at this with the opening of vehicles coming and going (smogging up the atmosphere).
Good flow and rhyming.
The second stanza is so cleverly rhymed and delivers a potent AHA. It's a bit spaggy, though. Suggestions:
A child of three in our care
hearing, before seeing,(ADD SPACE)la mer
posed the question(,)
"(REMOVE SPACE) What's that boiling out there?
With suggestions:
A child of three in our care
hearing, before seeing, la mer
posed the question,
"What's that boiling out there?
Enjoyed this. Nice to meet you. I like your pen name! Warm welcome to FS.
Warm Regards,
rd
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2017
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Kids can be so imaginative! the picture matches the poem well. A boiling ocean is an apt image since climate change is certainly heating up the waters! The poem hints at this with the opening of vehicles coming and going (smogging up the atmosphere).
Good flow and rhyming.
The second stanza is so cleverly rhymed and delivers a potent AHA. It's a bit spaggy, though. Suggestions:
A child of three in our care
hearing, before seeing,(ADD SPACE)la mer
posed the question(,)
"(REMOVE SPACE) What's that boiling out there?
With suggestions:
A child of three in our care
hearing, before seeing, la mer
posed the question,
"What's that boiling out there?
Enjoyed this. Nice to meet you. I like your pen name! Warm welcome to FS.
Warm Regards,
rd
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2017
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Your detailed review is greatly appreciated. I shall attend to those spaggy moments.
Persevere has three syllables and a trimaran has three hulls. My late husband and I persevered to complete our ocean going yacht ?Persevere?.
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Thanks for your kind response, P. So sorry for your loss.
Blessings, rd
Comment from patcelaw
This is a wonderfully sweet smile producing poem. I do wish you wonderful and peaceful blessings for Thanksgiving. Patricia
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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This is a wonderfully sweet smile producing poem. I do wish you wonderful and peaceful blessings for Thanksgiving. Patricia
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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Thank you Patricia for both your great review and your blessings for Thanksgiving.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about the joy and fantasy around the sea, watching and viewing the sea, how the vehicles come and go and the seascape is filled with sound at that the little child asks what is boiling there; I liked.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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This speaks about the joy and fantasy around the sea, watching and viewing the sea, how the vehicles come and go and the seascape is filled with sound at that the little child asks what is boiling there; I liked.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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I am so pleased that you have detected my joy and fantasy around the sea. Thank you for your encouraging review.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
A lovely description of the ebb and blow of the see.
One typo, seeing,la mer - missing a space after the comma.
Otherwise, well done and the picture is beautiful and a perfect match.
Sharon
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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A lovely description of the ebb and blow of the see.
One typo, seeing,la mer - missing a space after the comma.
Otherwise, well done and the picture is beautiful and a perfect match.
Sharon
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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Thank you for taking the trouble to read my poem and giving me a great review. I shall correct that typo.
Comment from nbonner
I liked how the poem stayed in rhymed mode. I wish it were a little longer though, but I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing, NB
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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I liked how the poem stayed in rhymed mode. I wish it were a little longer though, but I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing, NB
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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Thank you for taking the time to review my poem. I too felt it needed to be longer but I fell asleep while composing it.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting and well written poem you have penned. You used very good wording and the art work you chose was really beautiful. Great job! Teri
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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This is a very interesting and well written poem you have penned. You used very good wording and the art work you chose was really beautiful. Great job! Teri
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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I appreciate your detailed review. Thank you so much.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I loved these words and from the mouth's of babes comes the truth! They say what they see and this warm and light hearted write touched me inside, loved it, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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I loved these words and from the mouth's of babes comes the truth! They say what they see and this warm and light hearted write touched me inside, loved it, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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I am blown away by the six stars. Thank you, thank you. That three year old is my son and I am tempted to send him a copy of this poem.
