To The Victor Belongs The Spoils
The victorious speaks on war.11 total reviews
Comment from sfharper
Powerful poem about the cost of war and how much it hurts, especially with North Korea hanging over us. The poem has an honest tone, examining history and witnessing pain. Death appears to have a heart. Well written, I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
  |
Powerful poem about the cost of war and how much it hurts, especially with North Korea hanging over us. The poem has an honest tone, examining history and witnessing pain. Death appears to have a heart. Well written, I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
-
Thank you. I got the feelings when I remembered the song and all the death that I saw. I walked the walk and found no laughter. Lost too many friends and a cousin.
Comment from patcelaw
We all carry with us the circumstances of our lives and those things make us who we are. I struggle each day to just make it through the day. My back is in terrible pain and I am losing my eyesight and my hearing, but I will soon be 80 years young, and cannot believe I will be that old. Patricia
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
 |
We all carry with us the circumstances of our lives and those things make us who we are. I struggle each day to just make it through the day. My back is in terrible pain and I am losing my eyesight and my hearing, but I will soon be 80 years young, and cannot believe I will be that old. Patricia
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you, Patricia. I lost most of my hearing in the service. i was an aircraft mechanic. in the Vietnam error. I see with the help of glasses and not to well at that, but I will write to bring a smile to people. I needed smile many times and when i got one it made me feel good. Thank you for being my friend. I'll write something especially for you just let me thing what. You're too young to be my mother can you be my older sister? :) Jose
Comment from frierajac
Just reading this I arrive at a global religion of violence. This is what the world has always been and perhaps may always be. It is a relief to have time to sit back and observe and speculate and write about it.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
|
Just reading this I arrive at a global religion of violence. This is what the world has always been and perhaps may always be. It is a relief to have time to sit back and observe and speculate and write about it.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you. I've seen the world and war first hand it is not beautiful. We the people are just puppets in our leaders hands. I just wish they had brains.
Comment from Liberty Justice
WHOA! SIX STARS for you, dear poet. This poem is so thrilling and suspenseful and scary, and what a shocking end where the Character reveals who he is. Writer describes war and the evil of wars and how people are victims of bloody wars. So full of alliterations and literary devices. You got my first 6******SIX STARS for this week. WELL DONE. lol liberty justice
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
|
WHOA! SIX STARS for you, dear poet. This poem is so thrilling and suspenseful and scary, and what a shocking end where the Character reveals who he is. Writer describes war and the evil of wars and how people are victims of bloody wars. So full of alliterations and literary devices. You got my first 6******SIX STARS for this week. WELL DONE. lol liberty justice
Comment Written 19-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you! These are the first 6es I've gotten and that's because you people taught me how to write. Like I state I make mistakes.
-
You are so welcome that we taught you how to write, and you are a FAST learner. Check out my profile and 2 books, also. lol liberty justice
-
You are an Anti-War Advocate and Advocate for Soldiers' Rights. lol liberty justice
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt and thought provoking poem. An earthly warcgad no up building qualities. It only brings destruction and death as well as a disruption of families.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
|
A very well-written heartfelt and thought provoking poem. An earthly warcgad no up building qualities. It only brings destruction and death as well as a disruption of families.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you Sandra. Ah what do you mean by "warcgad?"
-
It is a bad typo
warcgad no(war cannot)up building qualities. It only
Sorry, did not notice at the time of typing.
Comment from B.B. Rose
I thought this was a good poem, bordering on great actually. While you need to aim for more concision by eliminating extraneous words (adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions wherever possible,e.g., (Dry tearsthat fell upon my once heart. (great image by the way) and going for more specific/concrete imagery (e.g., arid regions = desolate sands (not actually, that, but, you know, more specific.
But my main suggestion would be to not announce you are death until your last line. (I am the undying onecalled Death/I was there when cave dwellers killed ... Then your last line really resonates!
Altogether a terrific poem. Hope these bits are worth considering. Best regards, B.B. Rose
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
|
I thought this was a good poem, bordering on great actually. While you need to aim for more concision by eliminating extraneous words (adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions wherever possible,e.g., (Dry tears
But my main suggestion would be to not announce you are death until your last line. (I am the undying one
Altogether a terrific poem. Hope these bits are worth considering. Best regards, B.B. Rose
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Wanna be my teacher, B.B.? Thank you very much. With your help I believe my poem rings better. I did as you suggested and got another 6 stars. I can write but don't always know how to write. I just write my feelings and go with the flow. Thank you one more time. :) Jose
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a well written story talking about the history of fighting and war.
It denotes a gloomy future but it may well be true.
We can only hope and pray that it is not so.
Sharon
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
|
This is a well written story talking about the history of fighting and war.
It denotes a gloomy future but it may well be true.
We can only hope and pray that it is not so.
Sharon
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you Sharon. Lets hope the future is better.
Comment from kahpot
Wow what a compelling read and poem, and I agree war is good for nothing, love the artwork, and if I may, the third word in on the second last line ( sent) I think it should be send, this is an excellent poem very well done****kahpot
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
|
Wow what a compelling read and poem, and I agree war is good for nothing, love the artwork, and if I may, the third word in on the second last line ( sent) I think it should be send, this is an excellent poem very well done****kahpot
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you Kapot. I corrected that error and took some useless words out.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
The evil in man's heart had mastered and masked the art of war.
Now, I wait for the collapse of civilization at the crossroads.
I will sent some to heaven and the rest can go to hell,
For I am Death and war is good only for me. ' War is good for absolutely nothing, from the gulf war when I was a child and a brave man named Simon Weston was hideously scarred for life in the Falklands war, he chose to maintain a positive attitude even though he did not look human. His heart still did, and it shone though. An amazing poem love Meia xx
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
|
The evil in man's heart had mastered and masked the art of war.
Now, I wait for the collapse of civilization at the crossroads.
I will sent some to heaven and the rest can go to hell,
For I am Death and war is good only for me. ' War is good for absolutely nothing, from the gulf war when I was a child and a brave man named Simon Weston was hideously scarred for life in the Falklands war, he chose to maintain a positive attitude even though he did not look human. His heart still did, and it shone though. An amazing poem love Meia xx
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you, Meia. War is not a thing of joy. I know for I also walked in the valley of death. Your friend Simon is braver than most for the scars he shows are nothing compared to the scars in his heart.
Comment from catch22
Hello Poet, this is a good entry into the free verse club challenge. I thought the personification of death was well done, with good specific examples of how death profits from war. I had trouble with the rhythm in this write though, which read a bit like prose to me. I think you can remedy some of this by trimming the lines a bit of filler words and using more sound devices to enhance flow. Also, I noticed you do not use any rhyming, and that's fine, but some rhyming can help with the flow as well if used sporadically.
I also found a couple of nits you might want to address:
Yet, sadden(ed) by the fate of mortal man.
I will sent(d) some to heaven and the rest can go to hell,
I hope you receive this poem in the spirit it is intended--one of helpfulness. If you do decide to edit, please let me know, as I will gladly reread and rerate accordingly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
 |
Hello Poet, this is a good entry into the free verse club challenge. I thought the personification of death was well done, with good specific examples of how death profits from war. I had trouble with the rhythm in this write though, which read a bit like prose to me. I think you can remedy some of this by trimming the lines a bit of filler words and using more sound devices to enhance flow. Also, I noticed you do not use any rhyming, and that's fine, but some rhyming can help with the flow as well if used sporadically.
I also found a couple of nits you might want to address:
Yet, sadden(ed) by the fate of mortal man.
I will sent(d) some to heaven and the rest can go to hell,
I hope you receive this poem in the spirit it is intended--one of helpfulness. If you do decide to edit, please let me know, as I will gladly reread and rerate accordingly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you Catch22. If it wasn't for those that can write I would not write. I will always need to see with fresh eyes for i can write but do not see my errors. I corrected my hiccups and rid myself of useless words. Yet, I don't know the difference between prose and free-form. I joined this class to learn and all of you are my teachers
-
Hello, thank you for the gracious response. I am not an expert, but a poem must have a rhythm to be called a poem. When I read your poem aloud, I could catch no discernable rhythm or flow. Many free verse poets achieve rhythm without meter or a set rhyme scheme by using poetic sound devices like alliteration, consonance and assonance--as well as near rhymes. I highly recommend reading Wabigoon's work here on FS. He is one of the best free verse poets on this site, IMO.
