Comment from zanya

Excellent

Wow- all human life and passion flows from these words - with conviction and versimilitude - the simplicity of the dialogue yet the power of its impact

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2017

Wow, thank you for the powerful review. You choose your words carefully as well. You have encouraged me.

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Rhonda, first of all it's good to see you back. I hope you're much better. This is a great start to a new story and so full of intrigue already. I'm really looking forward to reading on. It sounds like quite a dysfunctional family. All the best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2017

Thank you, Ulla.

I'm glad to be back. It took a while for me to catch up on my stamina, but seem to have gotten my stride back. Thank you for your kind words, and lovely review.

The family is very dysfunctional, but there are so many out there that are. Things will get better for her, but had to start out rather intense to understand what happens later.

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

OH my lady what a great start to a book. Nicley told and so real in each interaction to the slaps from her father. Then the twist...she is fourteen.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2017

Thank you, Barb!

I appreciate your specific and supportive review. You're a sweetheart!
Rhonda

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Rhonda;
You wrote this story with a well-crafted hand. All too often, the girl was blamed for everything and no one would believe her story - after all, she was the only one with visible proof of any kind of event.

Your characters were relatable and realistic. Thank you for sharing,

~patty~

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2017

Thank you, Patty!

You're right, even now it's usually the girl, or woman, who gets the blame. Like you said, it's because she has what's visible.

I hope you keep reading. I value your opinion!

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

So glad to see this pop up in my in-box. What happened to Archie & the experiment girls?

Great opening to this story. first few paragraphs have great descriptions and pique the interest from the off.

He slapped her so hard across her face that her ears rang /Her father bellowed like an angry bull- these stuck out for me. After the great opening, these feel a little clichéd.

"But, It's true." Mindy looked up - it's.

I wondered at the mother's seeming acceptance of 'slut' but her distaste for 'bastard'.

ducked as her father swung at her again. This time the blow landed on her jaw, - looking at the mechanics of the scene here. if he hit her the first time hit her on the face, this time she ducks, it seems unlikely he'd catch her jaw. It may happen if she pulled backwards or something but mechanically this is difficult to picture.

Dark brown hair, spiced with white, bounced around a grizzled face - that's nice.

I like the incidental detail dripped in through the action for each character allowing the character to build up rather than being presented with an info-dump.

but had settled on a farm girl... or two. - there you go! lol (mind you, I'd have left it there and not had the following paragraph... but that's me).

How she hated even the site of the man - sight.

Excellent start to this one. looking forward to more.
G

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017

Thank you, G!

I am still working on the experiment book. You know how I usually have two going at once. This book I was writing for NanoWrimo, which is a book in a month. I ended up not liking the way I had to rush through without thinking it through, so decided to post here as well.

I'll work on the next chapter on the Humanity Project, but this one was closer to being postable. I will go back and make those changes and you are so right about them. The point I was making on the slut, was that she was used to hearing that about herself, but didn't want a baby tagged with an unkind name. However, it does seem a bit out of place.

Again, much thanks!!
Rhonda

Comment from trumby

Excellent

Haven't seen one of your posts for a while , mate. I hope that everything is OK. On 2nd thoughts, I remember someone saying a while ago that they were hurt badly on the farm. Was that you?
One little flaw that I noticed. You say "site" instead of "sight" one time. Sorry, I couldn't find it a second time, but it is in there.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017

Yes, I did make that mistake, thanks. I'll fix it!

I'm okay now. I was injured last year by a bull, but worked my way through that one. In May through July of this year, I had a series of operations that landed me for 7 weeks in the hospital. I was very weak and disoriented for quite a while. Then, I had to go back to teaching, and that was quite a drain. I'm just now back to being able to write again.

Thanks for the review and concern,
Rhonda

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

Bravo! Wonderful start to what seems like it will be a good story. I'm glad I have sixes left, since this deserves one for sure. I love that Mindy's sister's husband raped her! No wonder she didn't tell. Not that they would have believed her anyway.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017

Thank you for the beautiful sixer. I can't believe you had any left, either! I don't. I would have waited and posted on Sunday, but I'll be out of town.

I appreciate the feedback, my friend,
Rhonda

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Good to see you post again, Rhonda! Hope you've gotten back to full health now!
I'm guessing you'll stop the other novel or you've already published it?

This one is a strong one but the injustice of it all makes it hard to read. Hope you can get justice for Mindy.

A couple of comments:
" It can't be much younger than the kid Susanne" (Becky) Susanne is the mother and this is Chuck speaking.

"even the site of the man who" (sight)

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017

Thanks for catching the mistake. I do that way too often.

Yes, I'm back on the mend, and ready to start posting. I will continue the other book as well as I tend to have two at once.

The injustice is horrible, but very typical for the mid-20th century in rural Texas. It'll get better for her once the baby is born. I hate having to post chapters in isolation, but it is what it is.

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Mike Stevens

Excellent

A fine story, Rhonda--and I'll bet family reunions are a blast, what with such warm-hearted relatives, geez! Dad sounds like a fun guy; sounds like my family--only kidding--well--except for Grandpa Hardtack, he's a frowning bastard!

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017

Thank you, Mike. There isn't a lot of extended family for reunions, lol. Get your point. I've really developed him around someone I once knew.

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Rhonda

= GREAT first chapter for setting up the story.
= I'm already loathing Dad!
= And, Chuck is at the top of the pack as well.
= Looking forward to following along.
= Welcome back. (*<*)

Cheers, J
*** Happy Holidays! ***!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017

Thank you!!
It's one I started for NanaWrimo, but decided not to complete that challenge as I was rushing the book too much. I'll do it as I go.

I appreciate the feedback as you know it's been a while since I've written.

Take care,
Rhonda