The Lines
Walking hand in hand towards the end.19 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Maria. Overall I think this is a very good poem as you've focused on many things that worry the aged. The importance of the word "lines" and in the title confused me a bit. Since you have made this a weighty word throughout the piece perhaps a clearer view would add to the meaning. I came to the conclusion that it meant lines on the face but then near the end of the poem:
"And the lines,
They break my back
They slow me down,"
and I was back to square one wondering about the reference.
Still the poem had good cadence and I agree that despite age in years the soul remains young. Marilyn
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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Hi Maria. Overall I think this is a very good poem as you've focused on many things that worry the aged. The importance of the word "lines" and in the title confused me a bit. Since you have made this a weighty word throughout the piece perhaps a clearer view would add to the meaning. I came to the conclusion that it meant lines on the face but then near the end of the poem:
"And the lines,
They break my back
They slow me down,"
and I was back to square one wondering about the reference.
Still the poem had good cadence and I agree that despite age in years the soul remains young. Marilyn
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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Yes, the lines are wrinkles and they break the narrator's back because she's so worried about them. It was meant to be a metaphor. Maybe not a very successful one.
Thanks for reading.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi MJ,
Ah yes, the indomitable spirit within. those line scan only penetrate there if we let them. Age is but a state of mind and all that malarkey, eh?
All the best
G
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Hi MJ,
Ah yes, the indomitable spirit within. those line scan only penetrate there if we let them. Age is but a state of mind and all that malarkey, eh?
All the best
G
Comment Written 19-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Exactly... :)
Thanks for reading.
Comment from misscookie
I love the photo you choose to go with your poem
it is a perfect match.
And your words I'm sure many readers can relate to
yet the love we have for our mates reminds the same for some and stronger for others.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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I love the photo you choose to go with your poem
it is a perfect match.
And your words I'm sure many readers can relate to
yet the love we have for our mates reminds the same for some and stronger for others.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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Thanks for reading, Cookie.
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You're very welcome, until next time.
Cookie
Comment from Pearl Edwards
It's the lines - your repeating line really does make an impact in this poem about ageing.
Becoming weary, becoming smaller, oh I so know how that feels. I love your positive ending,
my soul is still young
Great read and good luck in the contest,
cheers
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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It's the lines - your repeating line really does make an impact in this poem about ageing.
Becoming weary, becoming smaller, oh I so know how that feels. I love your positive ending,
my soul is still young
Great read and good luck in the contest,
cheers
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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Thanks for your review.
Comment from Sis Cat
Maria, this is a superb free verse on aging. I see the lines as a metaphor for wrinkles and aging. You use this to stunning effect to describe many of the fears of aging as in these passages:
It's the image in the mirror,
It's the wondering
And the fear.
Will we still be together
When our bones are brittle glass?
This also evokes the Beatles' song When I'm Sixty-Four because you speak of the fear of people being left alone. You end on a hopeful note:
And the lines,
They break my back
They slow me down,
But there's something
They can't touch.
For my soul,
My soul is still young.
Thank you for sharing your superb poem which flowed smoothly and movingly.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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Maria, this is a superb free verse on aging. I see the lines as a metaphor for wrinkles and aging. You use this to stunning effect to describe many of the fears of aging as in these passages:
It's the image in the mirror,
It's the wondering
And the fear.
Will we still be together
When our bones are brittle glass?
This also evokes the Beatles' song When I'm Sixty-Four because you speak of the fear of people being left alone. You end on a hopeful note:
And the lines,
They break my back
They slow me down,
But there's something
They can't touch.
For my soul,
My soul is still young.
Thank you for sharing your superb poem which flowed smoothly and movingly.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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Thanks for being so kind, Andre. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Maria
= You definitely nailed this poem for the prompt.
= Nice, tranquil scene in the pix as well.
= Good luck in the contest.
Cheers, J
Have a good day/evening!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Hi, Maria
= You definitely nailed this poem for the prompt.
= Nice, tranquil scene in the pix as well.
= Good luck in the contest.
Cheers, J
Have a good day/evening!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
Comment Written 17-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Thanks, Jax.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow an excellent piece for the challenge. Very nicely done free verse on the aging and yet the desire to feel young. Loved the stanzas and the way you separated them
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Wow an excellent piece for the challenge. Very nicely done free verse on the aging and yet the desire to feel young. Loved the stanzas and the way you separated them
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Thanks, Barb.
Comment from Irish Rain
Ah, yes, our souls are always young, and when we do finally leave...what freedom! We'll feel wonderfully alive, and always and forever young. This is lovely Miss Maria, blessings....
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Ah, yes, our souls are always young, and when we do finally leave...what freedom! We'll feel wonderfully alive, and always and forever young. This is lovely Miss Maria, blessings....
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Thanks for reading.
Comment from Dean Kuch
A beautiful sentiment expressed here, Maria.
Yes, our bodies may age, and our face gets wrinkled. But it is our spirit--that fire that burns and dwells down deep inside of us--that truly matters. That indomitable spirit old age can't reach!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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A beautiful sentiment expressed here, Maria.
Yes, our bodies may age, and our face gets wrinkled. But it is our spirit--that fire that burns and dwells down deep inside of us--that truly matters. That indomitable spirit old age can't reach!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Thanks for reading, Dean.
Comment from alf collier
ABsolutely!! The body begins to weaken, but so long as we have our minds to work with, we can either remember or imagine LOL. Like this heaps!!!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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ABsolutely!! The body begins to weaken, but so long as we have our minds to work with, we can either remember or imagine LOL. Like this heaps!!!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Thanks for reading.
