Skulls don't scare me.
A horror story about skulls.19 total reviews
Comment from Harry Smith
This is an exceptionally well written story that is loaded with lots of imagery and the reader was interested from the beginning until the ending.
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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This is an exceptionally well written story that is loaded with lots of imagery and the reader was interested from the beginning until the ending.
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great weekend coming very soon.Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great weekend coming very soon.
Comment from MJ McIntire
I too like horror stories. I think this is a good start and you should keep going.
A couple sentences that could be adjusted a tiny bit.
I kept them in my room. Later in in the houses where lived. I kept them in my room, later in the houses we lived in or where we lived.
Most people were scared shit.
Unfortunately I don't have them any more. Unfortunately I don't have them any more, they were lost in all the moving we did, which was about once a year. I lost count.
Just a couple little tweaks for you to consider. I have to ask, liking skulls as much as you do, have you ever been to the catacombs? They are fascinating.
MJ
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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I too like horror stories. I think this is a good start and you should keep going.
A couple sentences that could be adjusted a tiny bit.
I kept them in my room. Later in in the houses where lived. I kept them in my room, later in the houses we lived in or where we lived.
Most people were scared shit.
Unfortunately I don't have them any more. Unfortunately I don't have them any more, they were lost in all the moving we did, which was about once a year. I lost count.
Just a couple little tweaks for you to consider. I have to ask, liking skulls as much as you do, have you ever been to the catacombs? They are fascinating.
MJ
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great weekend coming very soon.
Comment from Sis Cat
Well, Robina, you better be good at losing, because this in no way approximates some of the superb horror writing I find on this site and else where. You said you did your best but I believe you are capable of more. Many of the things in your story can be fixed. It will not win you this contest, but it will make you a better writer.
1.) Stay on topic. You lured me in with an invitation about your skull collection and then you wandered off topic to talk about a lighter and snow. As a reader, I feel robbed of a good story.
2.) Sloww down and focus. Very often I see FanStorians to jump to enter a contest even if they don't have an idea. Slow down to focus on and develop your idea. That child skull alone is story gold. Did you talk to it like Hamlet to Yorick . . . "Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well." Did you give the skull a name? Did it have a name? Was it a boy or a girl? How did it die? Did a grave robber stole it? Was it a medical disection? Who beheaded it? What race was it? Did the skull ntalk to you at night? Did you have nightmares about it? You said "Most people were scared shit." Don't just say it. Show us a kid shitting his pants after you told him, "This is the head of my former best friend who double crossed me?" What did you do with the skull at Halloween? show it to trick-or-treaters
The spelling errors are a minor issue: (One) of my patients offered
People can always SHOP you if they (knew) too much,
But the biggest problem with this is that you failed to ask questions that can drive a good story. You did not try at all. There is no best here. There is just no effort
Before the contest voting starts, rewrite. Start your story here:
I collected skulls. In the past I had three adult skulls, one of a child, and two of dogs. My mother got these legally. In those days it was still allowed. I kept them in my room. Later in the houses where lived.
And cut everything else. Get close to the skull. Kiss it if you have to in your imagination and tell its story. You are capable of this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-May-2018
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Well, Robina, you better be good at losing, because this in no way approximates some of the superb horror writing I find on this site and else where. You said you did your best but I believe you are capable of more. Many of the things in your story can be fixed. It will not win you this contest, but it will make you a better writer.
1.) Stay on topic. You lured me in with an invitation about your skull collection and then you wandered off topic to talk about a lighter and snow. As a reader, I feel robbed of a good story.
2.) Sloww down and focus. Very often I see FanStorians to jump to enter a contest even if they don't have an idea. Slow down to focus on and develop your idea. That child skull alone is story gold. Did you talk to it like Hamlet to Yorick . . . "Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well." Did you give the skull a name? Did it have a name? Was it a boy or a girl? How did it die? Did a grave robber stole it? Was it a medical disection? Who beheaded it? What race was it? Did the skull ntalk to you at night? Did you have nightmares about it? You said "Most people were scared shit." Don't just say it. Show us a kid shitting his pants after you told him, "This is the head of my former best friend who double crossed me?" What did you do with the skull at Halloween? show it to trick-or-treaters
The spelling errors are a minor issue: (One) of my patients offered
People can always SHOP you if they (knew) too much,
But the biggest problem with this is that you failed to ask questions that can drive a good story. You did not try at all. There is no best here. There is just no effort
Before the contest voting starts, rewrite. Start your story here:
I collected skulls. In the past I had three adult skulls, one of a child, and two of dogs. My mother got these legally. In those days it was still allowed. I kept them in my room. Later in the houses where lived.
And cut everything else. Get close to the skull. Kiss it if you have to in your imagination and tell its story. You are capable of this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 02-May-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine.. Have a great second part of the week.
Comment from Cybertron1986
Humbly expressed and worthy submission. A few tweeks to the approach and build up of your setting can be utilized, but all-in-all it has a nice feel that horror fans, such as myself, enjoy. Hence, why I believe it's a five.
I recommend writing in the third-person....it'll spice things up. Thank you for the share.
reply by the author on 02-May-2018
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Humbly expressed and worthy submission. A few tweeks to the approach and build up of your setting can be utilized, but all-in-all it has a nice feel that horror fans, such as myself, enjoy. Hence, why I believe it's a five.
I recommend writing in the third-person....it'll spice things up. Thank you for the share.
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 02-May-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine.. Have a great second part of the week.
Comment from Treischel
You certainly are correct, this won't be a winner. I wasn't scarred at all. However, I had a good laugh. You never cease to amaze me with your stories and poems. Thanks for the rerad.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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You certainly are correct, this won't be a winner. I wasn't scarred at all. However, I had a good laugh. You never cease to amaze me with your stories and poems. Thanks for the rerad.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great and blessed Sunday.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Ina (*<*)
= What's a few skulls among friends?
= This is a cute story.
= I'm sure Dean is very proud he inspired someone to write in his realm.
= Nice job.
Cheers, J
*** Happy Holidays! ***!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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Hi, Ina (*<*)
= What's a few skulls among friends?
= This is a cute story.
= I'm sure Dean is very proud he inspired someone to write in his realm.
= Nice job.
Cheers, J
*** Happy Holidays! ***!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great and blessed Sunday.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day again, Ine.
"Stephen King is one of my favourite writers."
"Once(one) of my patients offered me the opportunity to buy illegal ones."
Ah, well, at least you had ago, my friend.
Keeping human skulls does sound a bit scary though lol. To me it does anyway.
Good luck in the contest.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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G'day again, Ine.
"Stephen King is one of my favourite writers."
"Once(one) of my patients offered me the opportunity to buy illegal ones."
Ah, well, at least you had ago, my friend.
Keeping human skulls does sound a bit scary though lol. To me it does anyway.
Good luck in the contest.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 18-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great and blessed Sunday.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Ine, you've given it a fair try to write an horror story, but Dean Kuch is nigh on impossible to beat on that score. Good try,Ine and good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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Hi Ine, you've given it a fair try to write an horror story, but Dean Kuch is nigh on impossible to beat on that score. Good try,Ine and good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2017
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hanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great weekend.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
Having a couple skulls would definitely be creepy but it would also intrigue me and I'd want to see them. I guess I'm into weird stuff like that. I'm not a huge horror person but this was good.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2017
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Having a couple skulls would definitely be creepy but it would also intrigue me and I'd want to see them. I guess I'm into weird stuff like that. I'm not a huge horror person but this was good.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely day, just before the weekend.
Comment from Bill Schott
Yeah, Ine, this one is not exactly scary. It would probably help if one of your skulls, the baby one, were to cry at night or end up in front of the television watching cartoon shows. The dog skulls might chase you around a table. Doesn't that sound scary?
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2017
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Yeah, Ine, this one is not exactly scary. It would probably help if one of your skulls, the baby one, were to cry at night or end up in front of the television watching cartoon shows. The dog skulls might chase you around a table. Doesn't that sound scary?
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a good last part of the week.
