Return
A man returns to his neighborhood37 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a stunningly powerful verse of return. It is deserving of a six for the emotion it stirs with its superb descriptive detail but sadly I have none. As often occurs, I get somewhat tangled up at times in the writer's need to use too many (for me) multi-syllabic and obscure words which is a shame. But an exceptional write none the less. Debbie
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This is a stunningly powerful verse of return. It is deserving of a six for the emotion it stirs with its superb descriptive detail but sadly I have none. As often occurs, I get somewhat tangled up at times in the writer's need to use too many (for me) multi-syllabic and obscure words which is a shame. But an exceptional write none the less. Debbie
Comment Written 26-Jul-2023
Comment from Wendy G
This is outstanding. Vivid and powerful descriptions which bring the settings to life with all their harsh reality. And then it moves to ghastly personal experience. It flows perfectly. Excellent free verse.
Wendy
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This is outstanding. Vivid and powerful descriptions which bring the settings to life with all their harsh reality. And then it moves to ghastly personal experience. It flows perfectly. Excellent free verse.
Wendy
Comment Written 26-Jul-2023
Comment from Andrea Kepple
Your poem has a haunting element to it. I'm old enough to experience the ghosts of the past when I go back to my hometown. This poem touches that part of me.
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Your poem has a haunting element to it. I'm old enough to experience the ghosts of the past when I go back to my hometown. This poem touches that part of me.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2023
Comment from forestport12
Such visuals and powerful descriptive mood presented of an underbelly of existence. Such beauty described in peripheral edges of death, as beauty can be found in places where heart beat can be heard and people stir. A haunting portrayal of the city.
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Such visuals and powerful descriptive mood presented of an underbelly of existence. Such beauty described in peripheral edges of death, as beauty can be found in places where heart beat can be heard and people stir. A haunting portrayal of the city.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2023
Comment from Michelle D. Carr
Absolutely mesmerizing and being a former NYC liver and lover, I could visualize the scenes you wove so brilliantly. I want a photo with this one. Thank you for reviving this. I loved the phrasing and the flow. I want to write like this when Ingrow up!hahah.
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Absolutely mesmerizing and being a former NYC liver and lover, I could visualize the scenes you wove so brilliantly. I want a photo with this one. Thank you for reviving this. I loved the phrasing and the flow. I want to write like this when Ingrow up!hahah.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2023
Comment from GWHARGIS
I wish I had a six. This is so visually stimulating. The scenes that come into focus and go out of focus are so gritty and real. The tone and imagery throughout are incredible. Thank you for sharing this. Gretchen
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I wish I had a six. This is so visually stimulating. The scenes that come into focus and go out of focus are so gritty and real. The tone and imagery throughout are incredible. Thank you for sharing this. Gretchen
Comment Written 25-Jul-2023
Comment from kiwisteveh
I believe we call this gritty. I'm rather pleased you didn't enter this in the Free Form contest, giving me a chance to pick up that win!
Two main standouts for me in this wonderful piece. One is the superlative use of rhyme, assonance and consonance - not in any organised or schematic way, but simply sprinkled liberally throughout the piece, strongest perhaps in that first stanza e.g. plundered/slumber/crumble/abandoned
The second noteworthy feature is simply the creation of atmosphere. I don't know if you follow humpwhistle, but he also is a master of this, as in Part 1 of his recent Zippo Kiss story. His creates a dying midwestern town; yours brings to grim life the urban jungle of a dilapidated area of New York.
Your added bonus here is when the simple description turns into a personal tragedy from your protagonist's life, bleak enough to match the gun-metal gray of the surroundings.
Outstanding!
Steve
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I believe we call this gritty. I'm rather pleased you didn't enter this in the Free Form contest, giving me a chance to pick up that win!
Two main standouts for me in this wonderful piece. One is the superlative use of rhyme, assonance and consonance - not in any organised or schematic way, but simply sprinkled liberally throughout the piece, strongest perhaps in that first stanza e.g. plundered/slumber/crumble/abandoned
The second noteworthy feature is simply the creation of atmosphere. I don't know if you follow humpwhistle, but he also is a master of this, as in Part 1 of his recent Zippo Kiss story. His creates a dying midwestern town; yours brings to grim life the urban jungle of a dilapidated area of New York.
Your added bonus here is when the simple description turns into a personal tragedy from your protagonist's life, bleak enough to match the gun-metal gray of the surroundings.
Outstanding!
Steve
Comment Written 25-Jul-2023
Comment from Goodadvicechan
There is a lot to be learned from your writing. You did an incredible job in describing how the woman was dressed, how she smoked.
From your poem, every detail
is nicely written "She wears a black velvet hat with veil to her nose and a straight, black dress that flows below her knees and stops, mid-calf, above her shiny-black, high-heel, patent leather shoes."
I be enjoy your writing. Thank you.
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There is a lot to be learned from your writing. You did an incredible job in describing how the woman was dressed, how she smoked.
From your poem, every detail
is nicely written "She wears a black velvet hat with veil to her nose and a straight, black dress that flows below her knees and stops, mid-calf, above her shiny-black, high-heel, patent leather shoes."
I be enjoy your writing. Thank you.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2023
Comment from Aussie
A very strong and interesting study of what he saw and what he remembered. I think he was in New York with all its filth and people lower than animals scrambling for food. Then the description (triggered by memories of the whores in Amsterdam) thinking of his mother dying from cancer. A great story poem, not happy but some true. K xx
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A very strong and interesting study of what he saw and what he remembered. I think he was in New York with all its filth and people lower than animals scrambling for food. Then the description (triggered by memories of the whores in Amsterdam) thinking of his mother dying from cancer. A great story poem, not happy but some true. K xx
Comment Written 25-Jul-2023
Comment from Day Z Chayn
Tom,
Shades of having Allen Ginsberg over for breakfast (Howl, Supermarket Sutra, The Bricklayers (his earliest published piece back from 1946 (waaayyy back aways, as I remember.) Combine that with Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground for dinner, perhaps with Carl Sandburg's Chicago poems in the middle.
Would you call this a 'smorgasbord suffragette soup sandwich?' I would. Better to use the term 'reality sandwich' here as adjectives to describe the poem (again credits to Ginsberg) but this poem has a way bitter aftertaste all the way up to the end, like cyanide mixed with rat poison added to black coffee and then sprinkled on your powdered sugar raspberry jelly filled donut.
The imagery through me in the middle of Times Square or Queens or the Bronx, even though it would be very difficult for me to navigate along the sidewalks with the plethora of pedestrian traffic there.
The lady character & her image are reminiscent of flappers in the 1920's during Prohibition in Chicago or anywhere, along with Al Capone trying to muscle in anywhere he could.
Now I need a stiff one. Not a body in the bed, but a drink to clear my head.
~Shane~
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Tom,
Shades of having Allen Ginsberg over for breakfast (Howl, Supermarket Sutra, The Bricklayers (his earliest published piece back from 1946 (waaayyy back aways, as I remember.) Combine that with Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground for dinner, perhaps with Carl Sandburg's Chicago poems in the middle.
Would you call this a 'smorgasbord suffragette soup sandwich?' I would. Better to use the term 'reality sandwich' here as adjectives to describe the poem (again credits to Ginsberg) but this poem has a way bitter aftertaste all the way up to the end, like cyanide mixed with rat poison added to black coffee and then sprinkled on your powdered sugar raspberry jelly filled donut.
The imagery through me in the middle of Times Square or Queens or the Bronx, even though it would be very difficult for me to navigate along the sidewalks with the plethora of pedestrian traffic there.
The lady character & her image are reminiscent of flappers in the 1920's during Prohibition in Chicago or anywhere, along with Al Capone trying to muscle in anywhere he could.
Now I need a stiff one. Not a body in the bed, but a drink to clear my head.
~Shane~
Comment Written 11-Nov-2017
