Reviews from

Orphan Mollie

Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Matron Arrives"
Mollie ends up in a home for destitute children

19 total reviews 
Comment from LaRosa
Excellent
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and, I was about to apologize to YOU for being away so long! :)
I did remember and this portion was not in the least disappointing in return.
Your reader can not only see, feel the environment, but smell and cringe at it.
You have a gift of 'telling' and I look forward to the next chapter.

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2017

Comment from seaglass
Excellent
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I have been away for a while as well, so this story did not get away from me. The prospective reveals the horrid care children of this period endured. I was no errors, and conversation felt authentic. Sadly, as an advocate I know that without consistent regulation, offense continue to occur toward the helpless, and the financial bottom line becomes all that is important.

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    Thank you seaglass! I am so appreciative of your ongoing support! Hugs, Drew xx
Comment from Ricky1024
Excellent
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I drew this is the first piece of your work I've ever reviewed as you will read this review you will notice the seven point review is well-crafted it starts out of course with the grammar which was perfect six stars there was no problems with that theme and imagery was also great six stars I enjoyed the objective content five stars adjective content which page to semen imagery also 5 stores descriptive measures 5 stars pronunciation and punctuation five stars complete synopsis of five star written piece thanks for this talk to Ricky

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    Thank you Ricky for your extensive review. Much appreciated! Drew
Comment from write hand blue
Excellent
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A look back to Dickensian times and the plight of children. Poor sanitation, food and living conditions combined to produce a poor survival rate for children.

You describe this well, giving a vivid picture of the evil women in charge. I wish you luck with the book.

~Mel~

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    Thank you, Mel!
Comment from Bob Stanton
Excellent
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Good stuff, deliberately Dickensian I take it. I found it a tad difficult to distinguish between the two main protagonists but that is probably because I do not have previous context. Some bits are a bit of a reach for me wrt the mannerisms and word usage of the time. e.g. "Words could not be found to inquire the proceedings." I would have used "question" or added "into". and some sentences seem incomplete e.g. "What a fine mess Mrs Jellybe had now found herself."
Hope this helps.

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
    Thank you so much for your review. I appreciate the comments and your thoughts. Drew xx
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Excellent
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Second last paragraph, 'hoped not slept enough' ?
It was no problem for me to remember where we were up to. The story has had a profound effect on me and I look forward to reading more in the hope that things improve for the 'urchins.' Giddy

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 09-Nov-2017
    Thank you so much Giddy. It?s for readers like you that I am writing this novel. Blessing, my friend Drew xx
Comment from BeasPeas
Good
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It breaks my heart to think of orphaned children with no one to watch out for them, hug them. Your story tells the reader of a bleak time for these kids. The two paragraphs of Mrs. Peabody are especially well done, setting the mood and with detailed descriptions. A few typos here and there but overall an enjoyable segment to your story. Well done. Marilyn

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 08-Nov-2017
    Oh, I thought I had fixed them all! Can you point the errors out to me, please? Thank you so much. Drew xx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Excellent
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It is a sad state of affairs having such unfeeling people taking care of children who have lost their parents.Poor little Mollie has been frightened all night in a pitch dark room with a dead child. I hope Mrs Jellybe loses her job and the orphanage gets a new caring assistant from the Matron. Well done. Good imagery. Nancy

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 08-Nov-2017
    Thank you Nancy. I had a time posting the chapter. Evil Eddie was not being nice at all. Hugs, my friend. Drew xx
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Excellent
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What a f(Ine)ne mess Mrs Jellybe...the only mistake I found. Otherwise it continues to be a fine and dark Dickensian story with plenty to keep the reader wanting more. Fantastic descriptions. This is utterly superb I don't have a six but you deserve one, kindest regards Meia xx

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 08-Nov-2017
    Aw, thank you Meia. I am so glad you are liking it. Hope all is well! Drew xx
Comment from Ulla
Excellent
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Hi Drew, it is so good to see you back. I do hope you're well. I remember the story well, and how poor Sal died. Now Mollie is a curious child and she obviously senses that something is afoot.
Just few things. In your background some strange letters appears and some test is missing at the end.
a couple drops of compassion = a couple of drops of compassion
What a fne mess Mrs Jellybe had now = What a fine mess
I'm so looking forward to your fine writing and to what's next.
A hug. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 08-Nov-2017
    Thank you Ulla. I have been editing Sister Dear for so long. But I do enjoy doing that as well. Mollie May was on the back burner for a time, but watch out world. Mollie May is on track.LOL Drew xx