The wall
Parting the wall of frustration.11 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
Man needs to balance his life and hold the frustration in check. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Man needs to balance his life and hold the frustration in check. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the nice review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. It often happens when we are under pressure to write something we simply go blank. When we listen our favorite music and start to relax we suddenly get our creativeness.
Happy new year to you and your family.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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A very well-written poem. It often happens when we are under pressure to write something we simply go blank. When we listen our favorite music and start to relax we suddenly get our creativeness.
Happy new year to you and your family.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thanks for reviewing and the same to you.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry or the 'Rhyming Poem' writing prompt.
Well said and the message is clear and strong.
The picture depicts a path through the wall.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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I think this is a good entry or the 'Rhyming Poem' writing prompt.
Well said and the message is clear and strong.
The picture depicts a path through the wall.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I just adore the last line! So true and a great rhyming poem and finding your rhythm in rhyme doesn't always guarantee success but trying without getting frustrated is an art! Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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I just adore the last line! So true and a great rhyming poem and finding your rhythm in rhyme doesn't always guarantee success but trying without getting frustrated is an art! Love Dolly x
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thank you for enjoying.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks a message of living in a simple and rhythmically that frustration is the foe that inhibits success, truly stated in a style of poet's own; I liked. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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This speaks a message of living in a simple and rhythmically that frustration is the foe that inhibits success, truly stated in a style of poet's own; I liked. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the review. glad you enjoyed.
Comment from Cindy Warren
How true! I think all writers have run up against that wall from time to time. I love this humourous solution. I'll know what to do next time it happens to me. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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How true! I think all writers have run up against that wall from time to time. I love this humourous solution. I'll know what to do next time it happens to me. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the kind review.
Comment from nbonner
I can soooo relate! The 'wall' we run into when we sometimes write is so frustrating at times. But you are right, all it takes sometimes is to relax, sometimes walk away and come back and all is well. Thanks for sharing this. Nicely written. NB
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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I can soooo relate! The 'wall' we run into when we sometimes write is so frustrating at times. But you are right, all it takes sometimes is to relax, sometimes walk away and come back and all is well. Thanks for sharing this. Nicely written. NB
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the awesome review and the bonus star.
Comment from rama devi
I enjoyed the whimsy in this. Well rhymed and timed and finely presented. Fine phonetics too. Good flow read aloud but a bit stumble-ridden without accurate punctuation, especially in the dialog. A few suggestions pertaining to punctuation:
In search of my rhythm I tripped over rhyme(.)
(")Excuse me(,") I said(,) quite chagrined,(.)
(")Not to worry),") rhyme offered, (")your lack is no crime(.)
By running into a wall, you've not sinned;
Just tune into some music and turn up the beat(.)
Now boogie your butt and shuffle your feet,(.)
Once you banish perfection and make room for your muse(,)
She will polish your poem and abolish your blues;
The next time you stumble(,) relax(,) decompress(.)
Frustration's the foe that inhibits success.(")
I love that final slant rhyme- SUPERB! And chagrined and sinned--inventive!
Superb meaning and witty voicing too.
loved reading this aloud. Sounds like a song. I applaud phonetics of all lines but especially the medley of cousin sounds P and B here:
Once you banish perfection and make room for your muse
She will polish your poem and abolish your blues;
Almost gave a four for those spag issues but it borders on a six anyway, so here is a fiver, with hopes you'll amend some of this noted nits...if you like the suggestions (or alternative options to sculpt the phrasing more fully).
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2017
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I enjoyed the whimsy in this. Well rhymed and timed and finely presented. Fine phonetics too. Good flow read aloud but a bit stumble-ridden without accurate punctuation, especially in the dialog. A few suggestions pertaining to punctuation:
In search of my rhythm I tripped over rhyme(.)
(")Excuse me(,") I said(,) quite chagrined,(.)
(")Not to worry),") rhyme offered, (")your lack is no crime(.)
By running into a wall, you've not sinned;
Just tune into some music and turn up the beat(.)
Now boogie your butt and shuffle your feet,(.)
Once you banish perfection and make room for your muse(,)
She will polish your poem and abolish your blues;
The next time you stumble(,) relax(,) decompress(.)
Frustration's the foe that inhibits success.(")
I love that final slant rhyme- SUPERB! And chagrined and sinned--inventive!
Superb meaning and witty voicing too.
loved reading this aloud. Sounds like a song. I applaud phonetics of all lines but especially the medley of cousin sounds P and B here:
Once you banish perfection and make room for your muse
She will polish your poem and abolish your blues;
Almost gave a four for those spag issues but it borders on a six anyway, so here is a fiver, with hopes you'll amend some of this noted nits...if you like the suggestions (or alternative options to sculpt the phrasing more fully).
Love,
rd
Comment Written 04-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2017
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Thanks rd. Haven;t been on for a while. Will try and get to enhancing via your advise before the contest.
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:-))) Welcome back!
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Thanks, Dean. Glad you liked it.
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Not Dean, but I figure you meant rd. :)
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Sorry my message jumped into the wrong box. I did apply your suggestions. Appreciate them. Not sure I have ever applied quotation marks in a poem. will keep this in mind if it comes up again.
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Thanks, dear. No worries. I often keep more than one window open on FS and must have made a similar mistake at some point! :-)))
Love,
rd
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:-))
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:-)) xxoo
Comment from Joan E.
I liked the way the natural walls in the artwork resonate with your theme. I enjoyed your rhymes and reflections about the negative impact of frustration. Your giving "rhyme" and including alliteration were very effective as well. Best wishes in the contest- Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
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I liked the way the natural walls in the artwork resonate with your theme. I enjoyed your rhymes and reflections about the negative impact of frustration. Your giving "rhyme" and including alliteration were very effective as well. Best wishes in the contest- Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
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Thanks for the kind review.
Comment from Samantha perron
Oh my gosh I love this such a great message and I really relate. Well written and formatted, great image. This is by far one of the best I've seen on this site, keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
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Oh my gosh I love this such a great message and I really relate. Well written and formatted, great image. This is by far one of the best I've seen on this site, keep up the great work!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the great review and bonus star. Sorry so late in replying.
