Free Verse Collection 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Birthright"selections for seal submission
19 total reviews
Comment from alf collier
wow an extremely dramatic piece here my friend. One can feel all the undertows of facing a new life, but the word choices bring its depth!! Great stuff!!
  |
wow an extremely dramatic piece here my friend. One can feel all the undertows of facing a new life, but the word choices bring its depth!! Great stuff!!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
Comment from BOO ghost
in the cool mist my quest begins
the night is silent and terrifying
more so than a hail of bullets
for I know they await ... somewhere
they see me
This opens many doors and possibilities. Refuges seeking asylum from war torn countries. metaphoric symbolism.
the Lady calls
so we imagine
she lights the way
so we believe
she awaits in welcome
so it is said
in hushed and hopeful tones
This is Lady Liberty. But we must monitor loose laws, like Visas or bad guys slip in. NYC was attacked by Muslims. Citizenship is a privilege. Breeding grounds at the Muslim temples where hate grows.
Is a land of Kings. Yes, the rich ones. Who would not want to escape war?
|
in the cool mist my quest begins
the night is silent and terrifying
more so than a hail of bullets
for I know they await ... somewhere
they see me
This opens many doors and possibilities. Refuges seeking asylum from war torn countries. metaphoric symbolism.
the Lady calls
so we imagine
she lights the way
so we believe
she awaits in welcome
so it is said
in hushed and hopeful tones
This is Lady Liberty. But we must monitor loose laws, like Visas or bad guys slip in. NYC was attacked by Muslims. Citizenship is a privilege. Breeding grounds at the Muslim temples where hate grows.
Is a land of Kings. Yes, the rich ones. Who would not want to escape war?
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
Comment from Leineco
mikey -
I found myself drawn back to this poem many a time over
the last few days, which speaks to its power.
Being of Irish descent, on first reading I was predisposed
to view it through a historical lens. Though it is clearly
catalyzed by 'current' events (if you can call decades current),
your poem has that rare and unique quality of reflecting vast
spans of time.
The opening three stanzas, interpretively, could as easily be
The Great Irish Immigration specific as a reflection of wave
after wave migration to America. (Truth to be told, it wasn't
until approximately the third reading that the "hole where a
garden grew" emerged as a bomb crater. . .rather than simply
crop devastation leading to desperate impoverishment and
uncounted deaths by famine.)
Of course, in the fourth and fifth stanza, when the bullets appear,
and water crossing (in unworthy crafts) comes into play, it zeroes
in on more modern times, and clearly becomes "refugee" centric.
Now key images coalesce - honing the brewing anger...the Holy and
righteous centerpiece...
But then, in the closing section, it once again becomes all encompassing.
So grand and magnanimous the promise. . .so jarring the realities.
Is this not the true parable of America?!?
Powerful piece Michael. Wonderfully crafted and thought provoking.
Bravo.
 |
mikey -
I found myself drawn back to this poem many a time over
the last few days, which speaks to its power.
Being of Irish descent, on first reading I was predisposed
to view it through a historical lens. Though it is clearly
catalyzed by 'current' events (if you can call decades current),
your poem has that rare and unique quality of reflecting vast
spans of time.
The opening three stanzas, interpretively, could as easily be
The Great Irish Immigration specific as a reflection of wave
after wave migration to America. (Truth to be told, it wasn't
until approximately the third reading that the "hole where a
garden grew" emerged as a bomb crater. . .rather than simply
crop devastation leading to desperate impoverishment and
uncounted deaths by famine.)
Of course, in the fourth and fifth stanza, when the bullets appear,
and water crossing (in unworthy crafts) comes into play, it zeroes
in on more modern times, and clearly becomes "refugee" centric.
Now key images coalesce - honing the brewing anger...the Holy and
righteous centerpiece...
But then, in the closing section, it once again becomes all encompassing.
So grand and magnanimous the promise. . .so jarring the realities.
Is this not the true parable of America?!?
Powerful piece Michael. Wonderfully crafted and thought provoking.
Bravo.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2017
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I think people forget that our families were all once immigrants to this country or probably to almost all countries. I fail to see how we can judge anybody.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
|
I think people forget that our families were all once immigrants to this country or probably to almost all countries. I fail to see how we can judge anybody.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
-
We agree a million percent. Thanks so much. mike
Comment from robyn corum
Oh, I don't like this, Mikey. And I don't agree. I still think America is the Land of Opportunity and I think there are a hundred thousand immigrants who come here legally every year who would absolutely agree.
The only ones in question right now are the ones who have chosen to bypass our laws. If they'd robbed banks or killed people (broken THOSE laws) it would be so clear. But laws are laws.
A lovely submission, though, and powerful write.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
|
Oh, I don't like this, Mikey. And I don't agree. I still think America is the Land of Opportunity and I think there are a hundred thousand immigrants who come here legally every year who would absolutely agree.
The only ones in question right now are the ones who have chosen to bypass our laws. If they'd robbed banks or killed people (broken THOSE laws) it would be so clear. But laws are laws.
A lovely submission, though, and powerful write.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
-
I agree with a LOT of what you are referring to, but I also think there are those singled out unfairly. I also think children born here through no fault of their own should be given deference.
Jeesh. I shouldn't have waited so long to answer this. LOL ALWAYS FRIENDS. We agree on law breakers, especially those mentioned. I don't think I'd add traffic tickets though. For sure I'd keep YOU. :)) mike
Comment from closetpoetjester
A reflective piece that evokes much thought and discussion within the mind.
A great premise for a poem and I enjoyed the pov from a foreigner crossing vast seas to arrive on the Lady's doorstep...ready, willing and able to embrace a new safe existence forged with hope and a destiny worth living out.
Nicely done
P
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
|
A reflective piece that evokes much thought and discussion within the mind.
A great premise for a poem and I enjoyed the pov from a foreigner crossing vast seas to arrive on the Lady's doorstep...ready, willing and able to embrace a new safe existence forged with hope and a destiny worth living out.
Nicely done
P
Comment Written 21-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
-
Pleased you liked this. This is my natural style. But I admit that learning formal rhyme and rhythm stuff has improved it and made it readable. LOL Thanks so much. mike
Comment from dragonpoet
This seems to be a negative view of immigrants coming to America from war torn countries of just bad situations. It seems to say that the words on the Statue of Liberty don't mean anything anymore. It may be true with the way Trump wants to change immigration laws. That is sad.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2017
|
This seems to be a negative view of immigrants coming to America from war torn countries of just bad situations. It seems to say that the words on the Statue of Liberty don't mean anything anymore. It may be true with the way Trump wants to change immigration laws. That is sad.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2017
-
Yes, sad. It's intended to be more a negative view of how WE view the immigrants, not the other way around. I'm for following those words. Thanks so much for your thoughtful words. mike
-
Don't mention it, Mike.
Joan
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Michael,
Beautiful free verse with awesome imagery, alliteration, consonance, and assonance. The subject matter is close to my heart. I immigrated to America when I was sixteen years old. Good job honey.
gypsy hugs
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
|
Hello, Michael,
Beautiful free verse with awesome imagery, alliteration, consonance, and assonance. The subject matter is close to my heart. I immigrated to America when I was sixteen years old. Good job honey.
gypsy hugs
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
-
I'm so pleased you liked this one, Queen of the California Baddest Gypsies in the World Rose Gal.
I'm on a immigrant role I guess. :)) Immigrants are cool. Trump best stop messing with them. mike
Comment from sandy montgomery
You certainly kept this poetic. Beautifully written. That last line is masterful. Very well written with empathy that can be felt by the reader. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
|
You certainly kept this poetic. Beautifully written. That last line is masterful. Very well written with empathy that can be felt by the reader. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
-
Wow. That is certainly great to hear. Thanks a million. mike
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
This magnificient piece from the man who did the first paragraph challenge. Your writing is so versatile and wonderful to read, you have to understand that you are so respected and admired by this writer and a lot on here
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
|
This magnificient piece from the man who did the first paragraph challenge. Your writing is so versatile and wonderful to read, you have to understand that you are so respected and admired by this writer and a lot on here
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
-
Aww. What a lovely thing to say. That means the world to me. It's quite true of YOU as well. :)) mike
