Comment from fayesh

Good

Your free verse is lovely, but it needs to be tweaked. The third line should start with "it" because it refers back to "love" not "eyes" since you are talking about "the love". Another error is wrong verb usage in the line "And when we lay down to sleep" The verb should be "lie down". "Lay" is used when you have a direct object like "lay the book down", not an action you do yourself, "you lie down".

I enjoyed the sentiment of the poem.

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 Comment Written 15-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017

Thank you. I corrected (I think) the third line.The verb in "And when we lay down to sleep" I used because I could have used "And when we're laid down to sleep" but it didn't feel right for a love poem. I really appreciate the review and thank you for pointing out my errors.

reply by fayesh on 16-Oct-2017

FYI....
In the other choice you mentioned "And when "we're laid down to sleep- " That wouldn't have worked because again it's the wrong verb form. That sentence means that someone laid you to sleep. To help you out, go to this link - http://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/lay-vs-lie :)

reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017

For your knowledge that is the ending of the poem, we are dead. We are laid to Rest in eternal sleep, forever.
Teacher, teacher, don't you see?
Please don't get mad at me. :)