I surrender
Morning swim20 total reviews
Comment from Heather Knight
I'm not surprised the photo has inspired you. It's lovely.
I like to read how much you love your town. I'm sure it's a lovely place. Do you live in a house or in a flat?
Thanks once again for sharing a bit of your life.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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I'm not surprised the photo has inspired you. It's lovely.
I like to read how much you love your town. I'm sure it's a lovely place. Do you live in a house or in a flat?
Thanks once again for sharing a bit of your life.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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I live in a house about 800 metres to the beach the way the crow flies.
Michael Sutton is a local photographer is a local photographer who inspires many of my sea poems about my hometown.
Thanks as always for the review
dip
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Wow! That sounds great. I like houses a lot more than flats. I live in a flat in Madrid during the week, but come to my house in the countryside every weekend.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Dr Dip
What can I say about your poem I surrender
how well you express your happiness each day
I loved this part
(why it's so true how feel living in Vermont)
Silhouetted by the morning sun
We stand, take in the view
Could stay here till day is done
Savouring the days so blue.
Gert
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Hello Dr Dip
What can I say about your poem I surrender
how well you express your happiness each day
I loved this part
(why it's so true how feel living in Vermont)
Silhouetted by the morning sun
We stand, take in the view
Could stay here till day is done
Savouring the days so blue.
Gert
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Thankyou so much for the wonderful review much appreciated.
dip
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You are welcome Dr. Dip
Gert
Comment from damommy
Is that you in the photo? Great shot of the sunrise over the ocean.
Your town should make you official poet the way you write about it. You make the town and ocean so appealing to your readers.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Is that you in the photo? Great shot of the sunrise over the ocean.
Your town should make you official poet the way you write about it. You make the town and ocean so appealing to your readers.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Haha no not this one Yvonne Michael has captured this sunrise shot of the two swimmers at sunrise I was probably still dreaming in bed on the day lol.
Seriously, I love to get up for the sunrise but don't take advantage of it often enough
dip
Comment from TAB_that's me
A nice poem about your favorite beach. I wish I lived near the ocean - you are lucky. I would indeed surrender to it. Loved your imagery.
teresa
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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A nice poem about your favorite beach. I wish I lived near the ocean - you are lucky. I would indeed surrender to it. Loved your imagery.
teresa
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Thankyou so much Teresa much appreciated
dip
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, dip;
this isa lovely photo, and your words have done it justice. I do question the wording in the last line 'My town that I embellish' Do you really give your town attributes to make it prettier or more than it is? Or, do you simply tell of its attributes?
Just a suggestion and a thought,
~patty~
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Hi, dip;
this isa lovely photo, and your words have done it justice. I do question the wording in the last line 'My town that I embellish' Do you really give your town attributes to make it prettier or more than it is? Or, do you simply tell of its attributes?
Just a suggestion and a thought,
~patty~
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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You know its funny Patty I really like the word embellish and although my town is beautiful in its own way and I love to praise it, I suppose I am guilty embellishing some of the things like all towns might appear negative in having and the only thing i can say that would be would be the changing building scape. And development I have lived here all my life and have seen many changes over the years. some wonderful some detrimental but you just can't stop progress. I reckon everyone does a bit of embellishment over their lives especially about a place they love.
Thanks so much Patty for you great review
I appreciate your critique
dip
Comment from rama devi
This is lovely, Dr. D. I recognize the style of poetic voicing and presentation, even though reviewing it with blinders on! But now I see your name at the bottom, too, so I know I am correct.
This has fine flow and rhyming. It captures the joy and gratitude of a lovely beach scene. Surrending to content serenity and joy is a nice positive facet of surrender - a word so many would otherwise interpret as negative. Nice irony there.
Spacing typo here:
Could stay here till day is done
Savouring the days so blue
*spag suggestion:
Don't think I,(NO COMMA) could ever replace
Interesting closing note and slant rhyme with cherish and:
My town that I embellish
Lucky you to live there, where you feel it a paradise!
Fine presentation.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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This is lovely, Dr. D. I recognize the style of poetic voicing and presentation, even though reviewing it with blinders on! But now I see your name at the bottom, too, so I know I am correct.
This has fine flow and rhyming. It captures the joy and gratitude of a lovely beach scene. Surrending to content serenity and joy is a nice positive facet of surrender - a word so many would otherwise interpret as negative. Nice irony there.
Spacing typo here:
Could stay here till day is done
Savouring the days so blue
*spag suggestion:
Don't think I,(NO COMMA) could ever replace
Interesting closing note and slant rhyme with cherish and:
My town that I embellish
Lucky you to live there, where you feel it a paradise!
Fine presentation.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Thanks so much for such a wonderfully supportive review Rama.I always appreciate your input.
It's funny I agree, you could put a cover over the name of the authors on this site and 9 times out of ten you could guess the poet purely by their style.
You know why I called the poem I surrender? In the photo that totally inspired my words the silhouette of the swimmer on the right appeared to be surrendering with her arms slightly in the air but in reflection seems an appropriate metaphor of surrendering to the joy of the situation.
Thank you for the spag corrections much appreciated. The only reason I used a comma where I did was to force the reader to pause but it doesn't matter not having it if one knows how to read my poetry.
respectfully,
dip
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Thanks for your gracious response. Sometimes a dash would work better than a comma in such cases--for pause effect.
Warmly, rd
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem and a very beautiful photo of the sunrise. Anyone who cannot adore a beautiful sunrise must be blind. A real privilege to be able to see the sun rising every day.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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A very well-written poem and a very beautiful photo of the sunrise. Anyone who cannot adore a beautiful sunrise must be blind. A real privilege to be able to see the sun rising every day.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Thankyou Sandra much appreciated as always
dip
Comment from sandy montgomery
Again a lovely shot of your home. A great poem presented very well. I like the way you showed us through a swimmers eyes this time. Very well done. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Again a lovely shot of your home. A great poem presented very well. I like the way you showed us through a swimmers eyes this time. Very well done. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Thankyou so much Sandy. I am glad you are enjoying my work
dip
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
Another cracking poem inspired by a wonderful photograph Dip, although the ocean looks tempting.......you do realise there are great whites out there dont you.
Mitchell
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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Another cracking poem inspired by a wonderful photograph Dip, although the ocean looks tempting.......you do realise there are great whites out there dont you.
Mitchell
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Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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I surf with them every day I am sure but I always leave my legs up when waiting for a wave lol
Thanks so much Mitchell
dip
Comment from moongirlwriter
Well I must admit the photo inspires me but not enough to take a dip in the early hours of the morning, but then I'm not a swimmer. I found myself wanting to say, "we stand, taking in the view" but then I think you would have to change the last line to savouring. . . just my choice for flow. Enjoyed the poem and the photo.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Well I must admit the photo inspires me but not enough to take a dip in the early hours of the morning, but then I'm not a swimmer. I found myself wanting to say, "we stand, taking in the view" but then I think you would have to change the last line to savouring. . . just my choice for flow. Enjoyed the poem and the photo.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Thanks moon girl I have revisited and re tweaked it .Appreciate your input
dip
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you're welcome. Glad you liked my suggestion.
