Comment from Curly Girly

Exceptional

Well done, Sandra! This was a humorous and engaging chapter to read.
No spags spotted--extra bonus.
There are many questions to be asked; many things still to unfold.
Talking to Joe might help shed light on some of Veronica's questions.
We'll have to wait and see.
Nicole

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

Thank you so very much, Nicole, for the amazing 6 stars! That is so nice of you. Yes, there are loads of questions for Veronica to answer and many that she will want answers and solutions to. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Good chapter. I like that it changes and modifies on different trips back in time. Nice work with Joe. Fine ending note.

Good change to ch. 16 too.

Great characterization and diction. Fine pacing. A few nits (noted below)...but five stars in acvance, since I know you fix spag.

*I picked him up and gave him a cuddle, and then puckered my lips for a kiss.
Suggest;

I picked him up, gave him a cuddle, and then puckered my lips for a kiss.

*Suddenly(,) the light went out. It was pitch black. What's happening now(,) for goodness sake?

*
"As much as that would be right nice, I 'ave t' tell ya, I'm a married man(,) and me wife won't take kindly t' me kissin' a strange woman."

*
Startled, and very confused, I stumbled and staggered forward,

CHOOSE stumbled or staggered...no need for both

*My son had gone(,) and I was in the bare sitting room of the cottage - back in 1846....

*
Was (IS) this Joe - if it is, how could he see me?


* He leaned back against the mantelpiece above the dead ashes in the grate,(No ,) and rubbed the new growth of stubble on his face.


*
It was then that Daveth saw me,(no ,) and backed away.

*"Can me da' see yeh?" he whispered nervously, immediately jerking his head to watch the door in case anyone had overheard.

delete unnecessary adverb, 'immediately', since the gerund jerking already conveys it.

* but they were clean(,) and he'd washed his face.

* Telling your father off,(no ,) is just getting all the worry out of her system."

* trim out immediately:
Daveth raked a wisp of stray wavy hair away from his eyes with his fingers, which immediately dropped back when he lowered his head to look at the ground.

* trim out I COULD SEE: I could see it wasn't only his mother who was worried. Daveth looked as though he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

* All I knew was, I must talk to Joe as soon as possible....

Always write internal dialog in present tense:

All I know is, I must talk to Joe as soon as possible....


Lots of Love,
rd

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

Thank you so very much, Rama, for another wonderful review. I see you won the reviewer contest, you thoroughly deserve it, my friend. I've made all the corrections. I'm glad you mentioned the internal thought being in present tense, I always get muddled there. The other one I have a problem with is do you say, 'six feel three', or 'six foot three.' I have always gone for the latter, six foot three, but when I look it up on Google, I get different answers, some say, feet, some say foot! So confusing! Thanks again, my friend. Lots of love back! :)
Sandra xxx

reply by rama devi on 05-Oct-2017

Six foot three sounds more accurate to me.
Thanks for your kind congrats, too.
Tons of Love!
:-))))

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

HI Sandra, so glad Joe finally came out...and he is back with the family...but I don't think it would have been such a bad idea to nurse this poor, lonely, confused man...just to comfort him mind you...LOL...what a looker...now lets see what happens when he goes to the Manor house...very well written sweet angel...next...love your story told...always...love you sooooo much...Linda xxoo

all are in my prayers...How is Ian doing with his collar bone???...tell him he is in my thoughts...and I said HI...xxoo love

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

Hello, Linda! How are you? Are you home yet? Thank you, my lovely friend, for another of your lovely reviews. I told you Joe was a good looker, I forgot to mention his six-pack stomach and bulging muscles in his arms, his sexy come to bed eyes. Mmmmmm! My husband just looked over my shoulder and said I was describing him!! LOL! I should be so lucky! Love you lots, my friend!! Big hugs. Sandra xxxx

Ian is okay, bless him. He is going on a cruise in two weeks time, goodness knows what he'll be like! He is sitting at home now, with his legs up to stop the swelling and his arm in a sling to stop moving his collar bone! We have to laugh, even he does now. :) xxxxxx

reply by l.raven on 05-Oct-2017

Hi you, problem is...you are the only one who can see him...I have to go by...touch and feel...there is a God...LOL...that would be something if you looked in your husbands eyes...and saw Joe...lotests of love back at you...

That's my boy...I knew Ian would come out of this just fine...LOL...he'll have a great trip...say hi for me...xxoo Linda

Comment from kiwigirl2821

Excellent

hello Sandra. Every time I manage to get myself over here to read a chapter, I am so amazed at the talent and gift that you possess. Your imagination is something to witness and I am honored to read something that fully contains my emotions every time in every chapter that I read. Well done you! xoxo deborah

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

Aw, thank you, Deborah, that is such a lovely thing to say. I'm so pleased you enjoy my story. You've made my day! :) Sandra xx

Comment from damommy

Exceptional

Just in the nick of time. Hopefully, Joe can save their home. Isn't this the same Sir John that wants to pack off his albino child? I don't see him being merciful with Joe and family.

It will be interesting to see what Rosie did to Joe. lol. Poor man. And you know she doesn't believe a word of what he says.

Big laugh when Veronica realized she was holding a grown man. LOL LOL LOL

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

Hi, Yvonne, thank you so much, my dear friend, for all those lovely stars!! I think if I was Rosie, I'd be a bit suspicious, I mean, what excuse can he give her for being away for that time???? If he told the truth, she'd think he was with another woman! Hmm. LOL. Yes, it's the same Sir John, but things are going to start happening now with that dear little boy. Thanks again, dear friend.:) Sandra xxx

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi Sandra;
this was such a good chapter. I'm glad that when Veronica traveled this time, folks were able to see her. I think she will be able to accomplish a great deal more. With the help of Joe and Daveth, she has a fighting chance.

I loved the dialogue. You did a great job with the dialect.

Looking forward to more,

~patty~
I'm getting a bit stingier with stars. Some of us are doing our best to make the rating system fairer. If you give everyone a '5,' and you only have six '6s,' then some of the people getting fives aren't being judged fairly.

****** (6) stars = EXCEPTIONALLY OUTSTANDING
***** (5) stars = EXCELLENT (Enjoyable to read and NO errors)
****(4) stars = GOOD (Adjustments Needed)
*** (3) stars = Below Average
** (2) stars = BELOW AVG (Needs work)
* (1) star = POOR (MAJOR Revisions needed)

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

I've always thought the star system is due an overhaul, it isn't fair. There are so many writers on here who are amazing, I've learnt so much from them. I think there should be a way to award the 6s only on a Saturday, and have a special box to put a tick or cross in each review you write as to whether they deserve a six or not. At the end of the week you can go through the ones you believe deserves one and gradually whittle the list down to the six 6s we have to give out. There used to be a system where you could only give out a 6 to the same person once in three weeks, I think it was. That was good too.

Anyway, thank you so much for your lovely review, Patty, I appreciate them and you. :) Sandra x

reply by Mustang Patty on 05-Oct-2017

Hi Sandra;
thank you so much for your lovely comments. I was asked to not use my signature with the rating system by Tom. I thought it made sense to remind folks, but I guess its intimidating?
Anyway, I'm just going to be direct and critique as honestly as I can.
I love your stories and value your advice and critiques, as well.
~patty~

reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

You will get many who value a good edit, I always ask for people to be honest and pick me up on errors. You will also find you will get many who think there work is perfect and will let you know in a not very polite way. The stars are lovely and I enjoy it when I get one. But they are not what we are here for, we are all here to learn and share information. I wish you well in this venture, it used to be used the correct way many years ago. It just seemed to slip away.

Comment from pbomar1115

Excellent

Joe has returned from somewhere and just in the nick of time. Not only is he in for a scolding from his wife for missing but he's on the brink of losing the house. Also, Veronica comforts Daveth uneasiness about whether she can be seen by his dad.

Phillip

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

It's all happening, isn't it? LOL, you have to feel sorry for Joe, whatever he tells his wife, will be wrong. I wouldn't believe my husband if he said he'd gone into the future and was trapped inside a three-year-old boy! LOL! Thank you, my friend, for your lovely review. Big hugs, :) Sandra xxx

reply by pbomar1115 on 05-Oct-2017

That is true. You're welcome, Sandra.

Phillip

Comment from JDRBAR

Excellent

It was then that Joe saw me, (you mean Daveth here)
The Sir John I'd met a hundred years from now had
I'm confused here. Don't Joe and Sir John live in the same time? If so, the sentence is misleading. Especially when she calls Sir John ruthless and hopes the current Lord isn't like him.
Great story otherwise. Still lovin' it.

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

Thank you so much, my friend. I've just hurried back and corrected the name. Yes, it was supposed to be Daveth. Now, the confusion. I must remember not everyone read the first book. I'm going to write a piece so everyone knows who is who and in which time they are in. Joe is in this Sir John's time. In the UK, the first son of any Lord was almost always given the same Christian name as the father. The ruthless Sir John mentioned is the murdering, brutal grandson of the one in this, the second, book. This Sir John isn't anywhere near like his as you will discover soon. I've just read this back to myself, and can almost certainly guarantee you'll find it as clear as mud! I do hope you get the picture a bit better. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying it. :) Sandra xxxx

reply by JDRBAR on 05-Oct-2017

I often have the same problem with the series of books I'm writing. I'm currently posting the third book of the series and there are always questions about things that occurred in the first two books.

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

Verrry interesting chapter. I'm glad Joe is home, but there is much to be resolved. The powers that be must know what they're doing... I hope! :)

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

I hope they do too! LOL. Thank you so very much, Phyllis, for this lovely review and all the shiny stars. Now Veronica and Joe have quite a bit of work to do. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra

ps. I hope you're feeling loads better now? xxx

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 05-Oct-2017

I saw my pulmonologist today. She's sending me to a cardiologist (my 11th doctor!) to have a catherization done to see the damage caused by pulmonary hypertension. She says there are several drugs that will help blood flow from heart to lungs, but she needs to know what and where the damage is to prescrible one in the right dosage. She said I'll feel "a lot" better. Hope she's right. :)

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Well everybody appears to be in their rightful bodies and places for now, Joe can actually see Verinica this time and although poor Joe has been told off by Rosie, things seem to be back on track. Marvellous story Samdra, perhaps Sir John is better than his descendant? Perhaps, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : it was then that (Joe) Daveth? saw me.

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017

Ohl Roy, I could come and give you the biggest hug!! Thank you for finding that error! You are wonderful!! I've quickly changed it now. Thank you so very much, my dear friend, for this lovely review and for the help. Yes, he is nicer, but don't tell anyone I told you! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

reply by royowen on 05-Oct-2017

You're a diamond dear Sandra