Neon Billboard
Just a memory39 total reviews
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a warmly imaginative poem, particularly in its unique references to family and environment - beautiful in its simplicity of construction and fluid free verse - strikingly compliant with the prompt...
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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In my opinion, a warmly imaginative poem, particularly in its unique references to family and environment - beautiful in its simplicity of construction and fluid free verse - strikingly compliant with the prompt...
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Thank you for reading my work.
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You are welcome, Amada...Eve
Comment from pipersfancy
I like the metaphor of billboards displaying our memories. There are several very sweet images the poem evokes--the boisterous family dining table, enjoyment of simple things like the pleasures of a sunny day.
A couple of quick points for the poet's consideration:
The roar of a nothing evening--
Memories...
For consistency, I'd suggest using the same punctuation marking at both of these junctures as the purpose of the punctuation is the same in both places (i.e. to slow the flow of the reading and invite the reader to pause and reflect.)
If it were me, I'd probably go with the ellipsis (...) which evokes a slower pace in my mind than does the em-dash (--) which suggests a quicker and possibly unexpected transition.
Secondly, I'd consider a tiny change to the last line:
Calling me to bless what it was.
vs
Calling me to bless what was.
-I don't think the "it" is really necessary there!
Overall, a lovely write! Thanks for sharing,
pf
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
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I like the metaphor of billboards displaying our memories. There are several very sweet images the poem evokes--the boisterous family dining table, enjoyment of simple things like the pleasures of a sunny day.
A couple of quick points for the poet's consideration:
The roar of a nothing evening--
Memories...
For consistency, I'd suggest using the same punctuation marking at both of these junctures as the purpose of the punctuation is the same in both places (i.e. to slow the flow of the reading and invite the reader to pause and reflect.)
If it were me, I'd probably go with the ellipsis (...) which evokes a slower pace in my mind than does the em-dash (--) which suggests a quicker and possibly unexpected transition.
Secondly, I'd consider a tiny change to the last line:
Calling me to bless what it was.
vs
Calling me to bless what was.
-I don't think the "it" is really necessary there!
Overall, a lovely write! Thanks for sharing,
pf
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
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Thank you piperfancy for this wonderful review. I learn much by these reviews, and I need to learn...a lot. Thank you and blessings.
Comment from JennaG
Very nicely done! The first line really draws you in. I love the idea that a nothing evening roars. I can picture family all together at dinnertime, chatting and laughing. Something that happens day in and day out which might seem routine at the time, but in memories it's a treasured experience. I also love all the "b" alliteration in the fourth line. Beautifully written! This was a true pleasure to read! :)
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Very nicely done! The first line really draws you in. I love the idea that a nothing evening roars. I can picture family all together at dinnertime, chatting and laughing. Something that happens day in and day out which might seem routine at the time, but in memories it's a treasured experience. I also love all the "b" alliteration in the fourth line. Beautifully written! This was a true pleasure to read! :)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Thank you for your comments and for reading my work.
Comment from jenintorre
A lovely family poem conjuring up lovely memories and images. Very well written and well chosen illustration. Best wishes Jen.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
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A lovely family poem conjuring up lovely memories and images. Very well written and well chosen illustration. Best wishes Jen.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
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Thank you for reading and commenting in this work.
Comment from Leineco
Wonderfully rendered "moment in time" poem - its effectiveness
lies in its ability to trigger each readers own flashbacks of similar
shining moments nestled in their memory.
Bravo :-)
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
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Wonderfully rendered "moment in time" poem - its effectiveness
lies in its ability to trigger each readers own flashbacks of similar
shining moments nestled in their memory.
Bravo :-)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the evocati e review to this family memory.
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Amada;
-a subtle yet very interesting account and imagery that described and expressed experiences of family.
-What I liked about your poem was the it shows, in a very definitive and vivid way, the enjoyment of family at the dinner table where especially it was full of demonstrative imagery of one bouncing hot buns in their hands.
-Good luck in the contest and take care and have a good one and I like the picture that was very appropriate and supported to you conceptual theme of your poem.
-Alex
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Cheers, Amada;
-a subtle yet very interesting account and imagery that described and expressed experiences of family.
-What I liked about your poem was the it shows, in a very definitive and vivid way, the enjoyment of family at the dinner table where especially it was full of demonstrative imagery of one bouncing hot buns in their hands.
-Good luck in the contest and take care and have a good one and I like the picture that was very appropriate and supported to you conceptual theme of your poem.
-Alex
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Thank you for reading my work. Your kind comments mean a lot to me, dear Krys123
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You are very welcome Amada.
Alex
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You are very welcome my friend.
Alex
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a lovely poem on family, my friend. I don't know why it has a warning on it. Best wishes in the contest, my friend. It is a sweet and simple look back~Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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This is a lovely poem on family, my friend. I don't know why it has a warning on it. Best wishes in the contest, my friend. It is a sweet and simple look back~Debbie
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much....
Comment from Hitcher
Family and a sexual warning had me worried of a second there friend, but i see there was nothing to worry about. It is a great little poem, it causes the reader to stop and ponder there own fond memoriesð???
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Family and a sexual warning had me worried of a second there friend, but i see there was nothing to worry about. It is a great little poem, it causes the reader to stop and ponder there own fond memoriesð???
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Thank you Hitcher for your alert on the sexual content. Wow! I was entirely out of focus!
Comment from honeytree
The art work is
really great for these words.
So much has been said in
a few words and memories
treasured in a special way.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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The art work is
really great for these words.
So much has been said in
a few words and memories
treasured in a special way.
Honey tree
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Thank you for reading my work, Honeytree.
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that's fine
Honeytree
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that's fine
Honeytree
Comment from angel123
I enjoyed reading your well-written poem. It flows well with wonderful memories and good alliteration of b-words. Your message is endearing and your artwork choice goes well with your thoughts.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
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I enjoyed reading your well-written poem. It flows well with wonderful memories and good alliteration of b-words. Your message is endearing and your artwork choice goes well with your thoughts.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Angel 123.
