United VS Disunited
United we stand and divided we fall.62 total reviews
Comment from Alec Gould
So much truth in here my friend! The photo -and the colors- sure does add a powerful effect! Well written, nice rhythm. If only we could all work together... Have a great weekend! ~Alec
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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So much truth in here my friend! The photo -and the colors- sure does add a powerful effect! Well written, nice rhythm. If only we could all work together... Have a great weekend! ~Alec
Comment Written 13-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Hello Alec,
What a pleasant surprise! Actually I'm not finding appropriate words to express my thanks to your so lovely comments.
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from William Ross
Very good, you are hitting the nail on the head with this one, A great ab style for the contest, good use of rhyme words. good luck on this and have a great day
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017
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Very good, you are hitting the nail on the head with this one, A great ab style for the contest, good use of rhyme words. good luck on this and have a great day
Comment Written 05-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017
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Hello William Ross,
Thank you very much for your so lovely words and Good Luck Wishes.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~ RP
Comment from Dawn Munro
I am somewhat lost in S1- I'm not sure if it is meant to be descriptive of the effects of a nuclear bomb blast... However, it is certainly thought-provoking, and rather effective in that regard.
Overall, I find it next to impossible not to comment on content though - yep - our 'globe' is in serious trouble...
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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I am somewhat lost in S1- I'm not sure if it is meant to be descriptive of the effects of a nuclear bomb blast... However, it is certainly thought-provoking, and rather effective in that regard.
Overall, I find it next to impossible not to comment on content though - yep - our 'globe' is in serious trouble...
Comment Written 05-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much, and extremely sorry for the delay caused by my sudden illness.
~ RP
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
It has often been said that war is started with words, not gun fire.
I believe you nailed that..
Present scenario of the globe
The rhetoric is getting out of hand..
Nice piece,
:-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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It has often been said that war is started with words, not gun fire.
I believe you nailed that..
Present scenario of the globe
The rhetoric is getting out of hand..
Nice piece,
:-) Carolyn
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Hello Notesandmore,
Thank you very much, and extremely sorry for the delay caused by my sudden illness.
Exceptional Rating is highly appreciated, and please accept my heartfelt thanks for the same
Comment from Liberty Justice
Your photo is so dynamic and explosive and emphasizes the wild crazy state of affairs the U.S. and the world is in now. Your words are so musical and painfully real of the crazies roaming this world. CHECK out my other writings and my 2 books for sale in my profile. Thanks. lol liberty justice
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Your photo is so dynamic and explosive and emphasizes the wild crazy state of affairs the U.S. and the world is in now. Your words are so musical and painfully real of the crazies roaming this world. CHECK out my other writings and my 2 books for sale in my profile. Thanks. lol liberty justice
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much, and extremely sorry for the delay caused by my sudden illness. I'll certainly CHECK.
~ RP
Comment from Delahay
You say a lot about the state of the world and how we are all facing the same dangers that could be brought about by just a few unstable people.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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You say a lot about the state of the world and how we are all facing the same dangers that could be brought about by just a few unstable people.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much, and extremely sorry for the delay caused by my sudden illness.
~ RP
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Sorry to hear you've been ill.
Comment from pipersfancy
A strong theme, and one that certainly deserves our attention as writers, poets and citizens in this dangerous time we live in.
For me, this piece reads more akin to a list of facts, almost bullet-point-like, rather than a poem. I'm not looking for lyrical, lovely lines... there is nothing pretty about the all-too-real risk of nuclear Armageddon. However, I find the poem almost lacking in any emotions at all.
I also am left wanting with the poet's rhyme selections.
First stanza
upward/downward
- very simplistic, more like a repetition of the same word.
- there are no true rhymes with this pair, although something such as, "solemn word" would work.
outside/each side
- again, not much creativity in reusing the same word
- lots of different rhyming words might enhance the poem such as:
devil's pride
people died
softly cried
etc.
Second stanza
- I see this as the strongest section of the poem.
- for the poet's consideration,
Our world's divided in small groups
Expressing lots of diverse views;
But even then, without using troops
We have to fine-tune all the hues.
- groups/troops gives a true rhyme.
Third stanza
(This) present scenario of the globe (without an article, sentence is incomplete.)
Is threatening our peaceful life;
For with lethal nukes, a crazy rogue
Can cause hell here out of vile strife (Hell - proper noun)
Best of luck,
pf
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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A strong theme, and one that certainly deserves our attention as writers, poets and citizens in this dangerous time we live in.
For me, this piece reads more akin to a list of facts, almost bullet-point-like, rather than a poem. I'm not looking for lyrical, lovely lines... there is nothing pretty about the all-too-real risk of nuclear Armageddon. However, I find the poem almost lacking in any emotions at all.
I also am left wanting with the poet's rhyme selections.
First stanza
upward/downward
- very simplistic, more like a repetition of the same word.
- there are no true rhymes with this pair, although something such as, "solemn word" would work.
outside/each side
- again, not much creativity in reusing the same word
- lots of different rhyming words might enhance the poem such as:
devil's pride
people died
softly cried
etc.
Second stanza
- I see this as the strongest section of the poem.
- for the poet's consideration,
Our world's divided in small groups
Expressing lots of diverse views;
But even then, without using troops
We have to fine-tune all the hues.
- groups/troops gives a true rhyme.
Third stanza
(This) present scenario of the globe (without an article, sentence is incomplete.)
Is threatening our peaceful life;
For with lethal nukes, a crazy rogue
Can cause hell here out of vile strife (Hell - proper noun)
Best of luck,
pf
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Thank you.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Present scenario of the globe
Is threatening our peaceful life;
For with lethal nukes, a crazy rogue
Can cause hell here out of vile strife...Terrifying and truthful...why do some not realise the dangers...very well written kind regards Meia x
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Present scenario of the globe
Is threatening our peaceful life;
For with lethal nukes, a crazy rogue
Can cause hell here out of vile strife...Terrifying and truthful...why do some not realise the dangers...very well written kind regards Meia x
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much, and extremely sorry for the delay caused by my sudden illness.
~ RP
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
Nuclear isn't something you mess with. I get that we want to stop them, obviously, but it's hard to stop them without poking the bear. We're just gonna make them mad, trying to "save" ourselves. I don't know what the answer is. Do we wait until we can fight on the same level? Is that ever going to happen? Only time will tell what will happen.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Nuclear isn't something you mess with. I get that we want to stop them, obviously, but it's hard to stop them without poking the bear. We're just gonna make them mad, trying to "save" ourselves. I don't know what the answer is. Do we wait until we can fight on the same level? Is that ever going to happen? Only time will tell what will happen.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much, and extremely sorry for the delay caused by my sudden illness.
~ RP
Comment from royowen
After negotiating the Cold War years, another threat in North Korea rears its ugly hard, and even though they would be wiped out very quick, who knows what would happen to this world if a few H-bombs went off. Well done, RP, thoughtfully written and composed in articulate language, and abab rhyming for this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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After negotiating the Cold War years, another threat in North Korea rears its ugly hard, and even though they would be wiped out very quick, who knows what would happen to this world if a few H-bombs went off. Well done, RP, thoughtfully written and composed in articulate language, and abab rhyming for this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 04-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017
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Roy,
Thank you very much for your so detailed review and Good Luck Wishes. I'm extremely sorry for the delay caused by my sudden illness.
~ RP
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Welcome RP
