Out of Wedlock
A Quatern71 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
The style worked well for this story in a poem. The slight changes to the repeated line do not affect its overall use. All places where it is used, the lie fits in seamlessly. Your story is sad & so true for so many females. Will they ever learn? No! Good job Tony & thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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The style worked well for this story in a poem. The slight changes to the repeated line do not affect its overall use. All places where it is used, the lie fits in seamlessly. Your story is sad & so true for so many females. Will they ever learn? No! Good job Tony & thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks, Jan, for reading, and for your kind comments. It is always sad when things don't work out for couples - especially when there are children involved. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Boogienights
Its interesting that the,m wonan in this poem feels that her situation is hopeless because she doesn't have a man in her life. How times have changed.very well written poem, full of emotion, it's makes me want to shake this woman and say that you are probably better off without him. I really liked this.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Its interesting that the,m wonan in this poem feels that her situation is hopeless because she doesn't have a man in her life. How times have changed.very well written poem, full of emotion, it's makes me want to shake this woman and say that you are probably better off without him. I really liked this.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks, Boogienights, for reading, and for your comments. Another reviewer also felt that she was raising the wrong finger! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from LIJ Red
Over half of American kids are being raised by other than their biological father, in may cases no father at all. Okay, I guess, when times are good. May the family be dead, and the tough times that required tight families and people with integrity never return. ( But I have a bad feeling about that!) Excellent quatern with sound old-fashioned ideals.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Over half of American kids are being raised by other than their biological father, in may cases no father at all. Okay, I guess, when times are good. May the family be dead, and the tough times that required tight families and people with integrity never return. ( But I have a bad feeling about that!) Excellent quatern with sound old-fashioned ideals.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks, Red, for reading, and for your comments. You are right - it's good to have two parents and close family support when times get tough. As you suggest, given the current world situation, the future doesn't look too promising at the moment. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from dragonpoet
Why is just the woman going down. The deadbeat dad should be leading the way. They both caused the child out of wedlock. Is she going down in to a hell on earth because she can't afford being an unwed mother and also will have to suffer the stigma coming along with her new status.
It is a well done quatern with a well chosen refrain that has much emotional pull.
Also a wonder peace of artwork.
About the slight alteration. I just read a how to book on writing poetry and it said
that it shows knowledge and respect for the form to make alterations. Because always following the rules blocks imagination and sometimes ruins the flow of the poem
Keep writing
dp.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Why is just the woman going down. The deadbeat dad should be leading the way. They both caused the child out of wedlock. Is she going down in to a hell on earth because she can't afford being an unwed mother and also will have to suffer the stigma coming along with her new status.
It is a well done quatern with a well chosen refrain that has much emotional pull.
Also a wonder peace of artwork.
About the slight alteration. I just read a how to book on writing poetry and it said
that it shows knowledge and respect for the form to make alterations. Because always following the rules blocks imagination and sometimes ruins the flow of the poem
Keep writing
dp.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks, Joan, for reading, and for your comments. I agree with you about the father. Sadly, in days gone by, he often got off scot-free. Still does in many cases, but at least the mother no longer has to face the intense social stigma of the past, on top of the hardships involved in single parenting.
I also appreciate your comments about the Quatern form. I totally agree. Variations very often improve these repeating forms, providing that they express valid poetic intent. As with anything, it's as well to know the rules before you start bending them!
Best wishes, Tony
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You're welcome, Tony. Bending rules can add flavor to your writing as long as you keep to the general form.
Joan
Comment from Oatmeal
TFAWCUS,
I liked this one but I am out of sixes so I pumped you up. lol You are also one of my favorite authors.
The style confuses me a little but many things confuse me at times. Thank you for the explanation in your comment section.
The arrangement is understandable thanks to your notes. Emotional reflections are insightful and impressive. Flowing very nicely. Good chosen words.
It's a very clean piece. I saw no typos or SPAG.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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TFAWCUS,
I liked this one but I am out of sixes so I pumped you up. lol You are also one of my favorite authors.
The style confuses me a little but many things confuse me at times. Thank you for the explanation in your comment section.
The arrangement is understandable thanks to your notes. Emotional reflections are insightful and impressive. Flowing very nicely. Good chosen words.
It's a very clean piece. I saw no typos or SPAG.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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That's incredibly generous of you, Camille. I'm not sure how best to thank you, but if you are interested, I could send you a free copy of my published poems. I have two books currently in print and a third - of more recent ones - with the publishers at the moment, and due for publication sometime within the next few months. Thanks again. What a lovely gesture!
Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Irish Rain
So sad, I wonder how many girls used to have to wait and hope? And think their child a bastard, because society says so. I am glad times have changed. Beautifully written Mr. Tony!! Blessings...
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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So sad, I wonder how many girls used to have to wait and hope? And think their child a bastard, because society says so. I am glad times have changed. Beautifully written Mr. Tony!! Blessings...
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks, Judy, for reading, and for your kind comments. There's still a lot of heartache in these situations, but at least there isn't quite the social stigma that there used to be - at least, not in Western countries.. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Tony, A worthy read and your last stanza sums it up she still lives in hope of marriage. Common place nowadays to have the kids first and this reminded me of how society felt 50 years ago. I liked your refrain and it made this a strong Quatern Well written Cheers Christine ( from Bali)
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Hi Tony, A worthy read and your last stanza sums it up she still lives in hope of marriage. Common place nowadays to have the kids first and this reminded me of how society felt 50 years ago. I liked your refrain and it made this a strong Quatern Well written Cheers Christine ( from Bali)
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks, Christine, for reading, and for your kind comments. There's still a lot of heartache in these situations, but at least there isn't quite the social stigma that there used to be - at least, not in Western countries.. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A sense of coming out of the darkness and being accepted by society here, although having children out of wedlock seems common place these days, there is a sense of old traditions in your poem. Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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A sense of coming out of the darkness and being accepted by society here, although having children out of wedlock seems common place these days, there is a sense of old traditions in your poem. Love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Thanks for dropping by to review this one, Dolly. Much appreciated, as always! As you suggest, times have changed! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from lyenochka
I've been reading dark October themed poems and was afraid this would be another one. But yours is a beautiful one which shows us a very painful thing in society. Although lately, many men and women choose to have children without a partner so society's judgmental attitudes are changing, too. I especially liked the metonymy (?) of the outstretched arm symbolizing the longing.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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I've been reading dark October themed poems and was afraid this would be another one. But yours is a beautiful one which shows us a very painful thing in society. Although lately, many men and women choose to have children without a partner so society's judgmental attitudes are changing, too. I especially liked the metonymy (?) of the outstretched arm symbolizing the longing.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Thanks for dropping by to review this one, Helen. Much appreciated, as always! I dread this time of year, with wall-to-wall Halloween poetry swamping the website! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
Hi Tony
What a wonderful, poignant poem, a child born out of wedlock and a mother's pain evident.
Love the repetition...her arm outstretched.....really lifts the poem to the next level.
Loved it
Mitchell
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Hi Tony
What a wonderful, poignant poem, a child born out of wedlock and a mother's pain evident.
Love the repetition...her arm outstretched.....really lifts the poem to the next level.
Loved it
Mitchell
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Many thanks for your review, Mitchell. Your kind comments are most affirmimng! Best wishes, Tony
