A Need for Love
A Villanelle91 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Tony
An excellent Villanelle with solid rhymes
and good variation on the rhyme words.
"a monstrous banshee wails and thunders by"
no wonder she's in need of love to calm her fear
I would be, too.
"the city's razzmatazz and glare" is a wonderful line
perhaps a bit older than the picture would imply
But "I can be brave. I know I can. So there!" is just right.
Still, I like both lines.
A Villanelle is tricky to get so it reads smoothly with the abundant repeat lines
I'd say you've done quite well
Alas, not a six left
RS
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2017
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Tony
An excellent Villanelle with solid rhymes
and good variation on the rhyme words.
"a monstrous banshee wails and thunders by"
no wonder she's in need of love to calm her fear
I would be, too.
"the city's razzmatazz and glare" is a wonderful line
perhaps a bit older than the picture would imply
But "I can be brave. I know I can. So there!" is just right.
Still, I like both lines.
A Villanelle is tricky to get so it reads smoothly with the abundant repeat lines
I'd say you've done quite well
Alas, not a six left
RS
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks for reading this one, despite the fact that when I made my last edit, I forgot to change the font back to white! I must be getting senile! You are the second to have commented on the unlikely use of 'razzmatazz' by an 18-month old toddler! She must be very advanced for her age! Amazing what goes on in those tiny minds! LOL
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
Tony, this is a wonderful villanelle, you have a real flair for the true art of poetry and your writing never disappoints.
A lovely effortless read, that was so touching.
Really adored this my friend.
Mitchell
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2017
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Tony, this is a wonderful villanelle, you have a real flair for the true art of poetry and your writing never disappoints.
A lovely effortless read, that was so touching.
Really adored this my friend.
Mitchell
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks for reading this one, Mitchell, despite the fact that when I made my last edit, I forgot to change the font back to white! I must be getting senile! Glad you enjoyed it anyway, and I very much appreciate the six-star award. All the best, Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really enjoyed reading this poem It made me reflect on some of the situations my first graders find themselves in at home, which should be their safe place. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2017
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I really enjoyed reading this poem It made me reflect on some of the situations my first graders find themselves in at home, which should be their safe place. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks for reading this one, despite the fact that when I made my last edit, I forgot to change the font back to white! I must be getting senile! I can empathise with your comments about your first graders. Would that all had such loving homes, but alas some have a very different start to life.
Comment from Conmanup
I really like how it flows.
One thing you might want to change is the color of the font. It was hard to see with two dark colors together.
I also like that you made it about someone pouting. Nice.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2017
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I really like how it flows.
One thing you might want to change is the color of the font. It was hard to see with two dark colors together.
I also like that you made it about someone pouting. Nice.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks for reading this one, despite the fact that when I made my last edit, I forgot to change the font back to white! I must be getting senile! Anyway, thanks for persevering! I appreciate your kind comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a well written Villanelle with the perfect picture. It is very effective with the slight variation in the repeated line - sounds right and not at all contrived. Sounds amusing reading the words and seeing how appropriate the picture of your granddaughter is - I suppose even young children find some days unbearable.LOL. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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This is a well written Villanelle with the perfect picture. It is very effective with the slight variation in the repeated line - sounds right and not at all contrived. Sounds amusing reading the words and seeing how appropriate the picture of your granddaughter is - I suppose even young children find some days unbearable.LOL. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Many thanks for your kind review, Dorothy. I appreciate your comments about the Villanelle! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rama devi
Superb! Touching and well penned. Flawless meter and great rhymes. Villinelles are not easy. You did brilliantly.
Favorite lines:
I love the city's razzmatazz and glare,
but there are also times that terrify.
and
I can be brave. I know I can. So there!
But sometimes I am not, although I try,
and I have need of love to calm my fear.
And I love how the closing reads almost like a volta:
In time, I'll meet with those who only jeer,
despising any weakness that they spy,
Good ending note with love and calm.
Excellent repeated phrases...and I like how you modify them slightly too.
However, I think your punctuation needs polishing.
SUGGESTIONS:
Some days, the world is all too much to bear,(;)
a monstrous banshee wails and thunders by,
and I have need of love to calm my fear,(--)
a simple hug that shows me that you care,
a kiss to bring me comfort when I cry.
Some days(,) the world is all too much to bear.
I love the city's razzmatazz and glare,
but there are also times that terrify.
Some days(,) the world is... all too much to bear!
Good work. Perfect photo for matching it.
Nears a six but I have none left, alas.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Superb! Touching and well penned. Flawless meter and great rhymes. Villinelles are not easy. You did brilliantly.
Favorite lines:
I love the city's razzmatazz and glare,
but there are also times that terrify.
and
I can be brave. I know I can. So there!
But sometimes I am not, although I try,
and I have need of love to calm my fear.
And I love how the closing reads almost like a volta:
In time, I'll meet with those who only jeer,
despising any weakness that they spy,
Good ending note with love and calm.
Excellent repeated phrases...and I like how you modify them slightly too.
However, I think your punctuation needs polishing.
SUGGESTIONS:
Some days, the world is all too much to bear,(;)
a monstrous banshee wails and thunders by,
and I have need of love to calm my fear,(--)
a simple hug that shows me that you care,
a kiss to bring me comfort when I cry.
Some days(,) the world is all too much to bear.
I love the city's razzmatazz and glare,
but there are also times that terrify.
Some days(,) the world is... all too much to bear!
Good work. Perfect photo for matching it.
Nears a six but I have none left, alas.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Thanks for dropping by to review this one, RD. Much appreciated, as always! I did put a comma after the adjectival phrase, then took it out again. Perhaps it is better with it, though - as you suggest. The semi-colon is an obvious improvement. Thanks for that, too! Best wishes, Tony
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Happy to help, dear Tony. Warm Smiles, rd
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great job with this villanelle Tony and the sentiments I think can apply to us adults at times just as much as our little people. Another gorgeous photo.
cheers.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Great job with this villanelle Tony and the sentiments I think can apply to us adults at times just as much as our little people. Another gorgeous photo.
cheers.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Thanks for dropping by to review this one, Valda. Much appreciated, as always! As you suggest, we can all do with a little TLC at times! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from apky
I love reading poetry, for the calm and beauty of them, and your beautiful villanelle certainly raised my spirits. You presented the image well chosen words and a composition that gave the poem a touch of empathy elicited from.
Sometimes when uncertainly and loneliness plague us, we do have need of love to calm us and reassure us.
Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017
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I love reading poetry, for the calm and beauty of them, and your beautiful villanelle certainly raised my spirits. You presented the image well chosen words and a composition that gave the poem a touch of empathy elicited from.
Sometimes when uncertainly and loneliness plague us, we do have need of love to calm us and reassure us.
Well done.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks for your review and kind remarks and comments about "A Need for Love", Apky. Much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Lulube
The need for this poem to calm the fear, for me right now. Well penned. Hits the core and your head starts to nod, exactly how it is. There are too many of those days sometimes in a short span in life. Need long arms.
lulube enjoyed
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017
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The need for this poem to calm the fear, for me right now. Well penned. Hits the core and your head starts to nod, exactly how it is. There are too many of those days sometimes in a short span in life. Need long arms.
lulube enjoyed
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks for your review and kind remarks and comments about "A Need for Love", Lulube. Much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
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welcome
lulube
Comment from Rasmine
Cute poem.
Some people like me have to go it alone, though. It does get exhausting at times, though, but with knowing in my heart that God loves me. Don't worry, I'm not going to get preachy, that is only for me.
Good job.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017
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Cute poem.
Some people like me have to go it alone, though. It does get exhausting at times, though, but with knowing in my heart that God loves me. Don't worry, I'm not going to get preachy, that is only for me.
Good job.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017
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Very many thanks for your comments about "A Need for Love", Rasmine. It can be hard to go it alone. Best wishes, Tony
