Veronica Remembers
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "I Was the Patsy"An illegitimate child is born to famous parents
6 total reviews
Comment from LaRosa
What a hideous way to lose a job, especially one you know you did well!
I have been slow in reading and getting around to reviewing (various reasons), so I was glad you mentioned the missing chapter. I thought I'd forgotten a lot...
It's fast moving, emotionally evocative, and continues to draw the reader on, wanting more. Good work.
...neither charge's laid
I may be wrong, but I think you may mean 'charges laid, with no colon.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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What a hideous way to lose a job, especially one you know you did well!
I have been slow in reading and getting around to reviewing (various reasons), so I was glad you mentioned the missing chapter. I thought I'd forgotten a lot...
It's fast moving, emotionally evocative, and continues to draw the reader on, wanting more. Good work.
...neither charge's laid
I may be wrong, but I think you may mean 'charges laid, with no colon.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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La Rosa, thank you for another positive and encouraging review. Speaking for myself, I must confess comments like 'wanting more' really provide a boost to my writing 'self-doubt.' For this I thank you.
Comment from royowen
Well done, Bob, I love those previous stories of the Bourne-like intrigue that beset them, and they do ring pretty true about the incomprehensible machinations of government bureaucracy. Well done, Bob. If you find the
$9.95 for the initial thing, I'll find the rest, just let me know.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Well done, Bob, I love those previous stories of the Bourne-like intrigue that beset them, and they do ring pretty true about the incomprehensible machinations of government bureaucracy. Well done, Bob. If you find the
$9.95 for the initial thing, I'll find the rest, just let me know.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Roy, your generosity amazes, but doesn't surprise me. You truly are a man of quality. I really appreciate your offer but my Irish background has left me with an irrational stubborness and pride.
Thank you as always for the positive encouragement you offer.
I warn you now, one day we'll travel to Adelaide to meet you.
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a well-written chapter, it kept my attention start to finish. The dialogue seems natural what the character would say and the characters really came to life, nice job.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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This is a well-written chapter, it kept my attention start to finish. The dialogue seems natural what the character would say and the characters really came to life, nice job.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you Mistydawn. I appreciate your reading and taking time to comment.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I am totally confused Bob. It is like reading another book. There is nothing wrong with the chapter, it was interesting and well written. You just don't say how this fits in the story and who these new characters are.
Typos> there's still a leak at Homeland.["]
" Tyler didn't want to hear this. It justified Meredith's decision.["]
You need more background on this situation or something. I am a poet but I know something is lacking here. Nancy
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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I am totally confused Bob. It is like reading another book. There is nothing wrong with the chapter, it was interesting and well written. You just don't say how this fits in the story and who these new characters are.
Typos> there's still a leak at Homeland.["]
" Tyler didn't want to hear this. It justified Meredith's decision.["]
You need more background on this situation or something. I am a poet but I know something is lacking here. Nancy
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Your comments are appreciated and understood.
Calin, the novel's lead character obviously needs a lead-in to the story. His role expands in the coming chapter. I'll attempt to rewrite this chapter with a more acceptable intro.
Thank you for highlighting this confusion
Comment from moongirlwriter
I think this story has all the elements of a great, intriguing. . . . .maybe even espionage but for me the organization is somewhat confusing. I had to go back and reread three times to figure out what was happening and who it was happening to. . .so maybe more explanation needs to be made initially as to who the players are? I also found a couple of typos which I'm sure would be picked up during editing. Since this has something of a feel for how our government works today, this seems like a believable story.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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I think this story has all the elements of a great, intriguing. . . . .maybe even espionage but for me the organization is somewhat confusing. I had to go back and reread three times to figure out what was happening and who it was happening to. . .so maybe more explanation needs to be made initially as to who the players are? I also found a couple of typos which I'm sure would be picked up during editing. Since this has something of a feel for how our government works today, this seems like a believable story.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you moongirlwriter for the honesty. That is what I need as a writer.
I will rewrite this chapter in an endeavour to clarify who Calin is and what is his role here. In fact, he is the novel's lead character and I guess I've stuffed up his intro into the story.
Thank you for highlighting that fault.
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I read adult novels but I mostly write for children. I can pick out the ones that really work well, but I find it difficult to help with ideas to improve those I think need more. Good luck.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Bob. I liked this one. I am going to have to go back and read the other chapters though so I can know what the background story is. As a stand alone chapter it was still a decent write. Your characters were believable and there was enough going on that I didn't lose interest. Nice work. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Hi Bob. I liked this one. I am going to have to go back and read the other chapters though so I can know what the background story is. As a stand alone chapter it was still a decent write. Your characters were believable and there was enough going on that I didn't lose interest. Nice work. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Thank you kiwigirl. I appreciate you reading and offering comment. Hope everything is going well in NZ. Love your country, it's as pretty as any place in the world. Only one problem, your All Blacks are way too good.
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and that is a "problem" because???? you are welcome of course.
Kiwi
