A Bum, A Brother
uh, this is true, but...56 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi - the protagonist having a conversation and telling us his story. An everyday kind of situation - well perhaps not always LOL. Then the punch comes at the end -
' Did I...just...talk with Christ?' Maybe ......... such courtesy does not happen too often in a busy world. regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Hi - the protagonist having a conversation and telling us his story. An everyday kind of situation - well perhaps not always LOL. Then the punch comes at the end -
' Did I...just...talk with Christ?' Maybe ......... such courtesy does not happen too often in a busy world. regards Dorothy
Comment Written 24-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Nothing about the way we all SHOULD live, happens very often in this world, period. Thank you, Dorothy.
Comment from rama devi
Ah yes, I've met quite a few holy bums in my time. Have some stories about those! This is a good poem--captures your POV and the shift in perspective at the end. Excellent delivery, style and flow. Your capitalization is haphazard, though. Sometimes all caps, sometimes not. Suggest fixing that to one style or the other.
I like the staccato rhythm, and one-liners, like this:
You know, important.
Like you.
Perfect:
He looks at me and says,
"Ain't that the way
the world's s'pposed to be?"
I like the closing too.
Well done and finely presented.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Ah yes, I've met quite a few holy bums in my time. Have some stories about those! This is a good poem--captures your POV and the shift in perspective at the end. Excellent delivery, style and flow. Your capitalization is haphazard, though. Sometimes all caps, sometimes not. Suggest fixing that to one style or the other.
I like the staccato rhythm, and one-liners, like this:
You know, important.
Like you.
Perfect:
He looks at me and says,
"Ain't that the way
the world's s'pposed to be?"
I like the closing too.
Well done and finely presented.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 24-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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What's the difference between Caps and the little thingies again? lol Who the heaven did I talk to? I swear it was a being unbound by time, an Eternal being. I mean it. Only had one other unearthly experience. Told it, sort of, in a poem. Parking Lots, Dusk, and Dust. French lady on here, called herself a mystic or something, described to me exactly how I felt, what I saw, the newness of color perception-everything.
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Said she had this happen once. And has rarely, if ever, heard of it happening to anyone else. She said it was powerfully important that this was shown to me. I truly believe I was allowed to feel Eternal peace, tranquility, ecstasy, oneness with universe, the most profound inner peace I never thought possible. I would give, do, anything to feel that forever.
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Yes! Divine peace is supreme! :-))))
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Mystic experiences alter our perceptions permanently...because even when we forgot that 'view' the lasing impression lets us know our ordinary sight is faulty--and we don't forget that!
Comment from closetpoetjester
Inspite of this seemingly like a nice bit of prose, I found it a delightful and humbling read Vic.
You have a knack for telling a vivid story with your nib and painting interesting imagery always to ponder on, for your willing readers.
My very favourite line was about the hobo winning the waving competition.
That was beautiful. Priceless. And made me smile today.
Well done. Sixulations...may I be amongst many to sixulate you on your efforts.
The Hangar
in your Closet
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Inspite of this seemingly like a nice bit of prose, I found it a delightful and humbling read Vic.
You have a knack for telling a vivid story with your nib and painting interesting imagery always to ponder on, for your willing readers.
My very favourite line was about the hobo winning the waving competition.
That was beautiful. Priceless. And made me smile today.
Well done. Sixulations...may I be amongst many to sixulate you on your efforts.
The Hangar
in your Closet
Comment Written 24-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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:) That was very nice of you. It's funny, the writer always learns from reviewers comments. Several people have liked that one line. "Well, he won the waving contest." It never dawned on me that line would work so well for people. Thank you.
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I seriously loved it.
Some things just work, don't they? LOL
Funny 'bout dat
Comment from angel123
Your poem is well written with a surprising ending. I really liked it and enjoyed reading it. It flows well with a somewhat humorous and meaningful story. Thank you for providing your author notes and your artwork is interesting.
angel123
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Your poem is well written with a surprising ending. I really liked it and enjoyed reading it. It flows well with a somewhat humorous and meaningful story. Thank you for providing your author notes and your artwork is interesting.
angel123
Comment Written 24-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Thank you.
Comment from sandy montgomery
There is a portion of scripture that councils believers to practice hospitality because they might be entertaining an angel in disguise. In another place Jesus says "If you do this unto the least of my brethren then you've done it unto me." So maybe? What matters is you connected with him and he with you. That is rare these days. Also your poem is important and I loved it for many reasons. The asides were great because it summed up perfectly what most of us would have been thinking. There is enough of a hint at humor to disarm the reader then BAM that last line "Did I ...just... talk with Christ?"
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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There is a portion of scripture that councils believers to practice hospitality because they might be entertaining an angel in disguise. In another place Jesus says "If you do this unto the least of my brethren then you've done it unto me." So maybe? What matters is you connected with him and he with you. That is rare these days. Also your poem is important and I loved it for many reasons. The asides were great because it summed up perfectly what most of us would have been thinking. There is enough of a hint at humor to disarm the reader then BAM that last line "Did I ...just... talk with Christ?"
Comment Written 24-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your reading and all of your helpful commentary.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your conversational style in this story poem in free verse, as you described an almost spiritual experience. Thank you for sharing this reminder to all of us to be grateful for what we have and be kind to our brothers. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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I admired your conversational style in this story poem in free verse, as you described an almost spiritual experience. Thank you for sharing this reminder to all of us to be grateful for what we have and be kind to our brothers. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Yes, I truly do believe we are our brother's keeper. Thank you.
Comment from c_lucas
This is many of such stories and I enjoyed it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery .
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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This is many of such stories and I enjoyed it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery .
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Thanks Charlie. I was kinda afraid to post this.
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You're welcome, Victor.
Comment from RoDanni
Wow. This gave ME goose bumps! Very powerful and very moving. Well-written, too. I hate to criticize anything about it because it is so great. But may I ask...in this stanza, "Kinda disheveled his way
up to my parking lot.
I was in a hurry.
In my car. " is "disheveled" being used as a verb? Because I looked it up to be sure and you can only use it as an adjective. It only stood out because the poem is so good.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Wow. This gave ME goose bumps! Very powerful and very moving. Well-written, too. I hate to criticize anything about it because it is so great. But may I ask...in this stanza, "Kinda disheveled his way
up to my parking lot.
I was in a hurry.
In my car. " is "disheveled" being used as a verb? Because I looked it up to be sure and you can only use it as an adjective. It only stood out because the poem is so good.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Funny-Yes I purposefully misused it to convey an image. One reviewer wanted to give me six stars just for that line alone. Thank you.
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I will go back and change my rating
Comment from Mame
This is great. You have taken us on your journey so realistically and with poetry. What a super way to take us all back to the real values we pass over on our way to work. Beautifully set out too!
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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This is great. You have taken us on your journey so realistically and with poetry. What a super way to take us all back to the real values we pass over on our way to work. Beautifully set out too!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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Thank you.
Comment from pipersfancy
Wonderful story told in an engaging manner! I liked the short line length, and the spacing between lines... set the perfect pace and tempo for the unfolding of this story.
Whether this person was an angel, a spirit, or the Christ... really doesn't matter all that much, does it? Clearly, he was a messenger of some sort... sent to seek you out. And, he obviously delivered his message perfectly. Heck - his message resonated so strongly with you that you've sat down and written a perfectly lovely verse about it... and now, you've shared it with us!
pf
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Wonderful story told in an engaging manner! I liked the short line length, and the spacing between lines... set the perfect pace and tempo for the unfolding of this story.
Whether this person was an angel, a spirit, or the Christ... really doesn't matter all that much, does it? Clearly, he was a messenger of some sort... sent to seek you out. And, he obviously delivered his message perfectly. Heck - his message resonated so strongly with you that you've sat down and written a perfectly lovely verse about it... and now, you've shared it with us!
pf
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Absolutely correct. It is not really relevant exactly who he was, but he was an Eternal being. Of this, I am sure.
