Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "His Curse"A Novel of the Breedline Series
6 total reviews
Comment from rwilliam
Awesome photo!!
She did a quick check of her clothes, wondering if anything was inside out. "Good morning," she said, glancing down at her feet. Helen noticed the hem of her pant leg was rolled up. Shaking her foot, it slid back down.--:-D Loved this part. Such a 'real' thing we all do. Made me smile.
The whole breakfast scene with all the blushing and flirting was the best. I loved every minute of it! VERY good writing my friend!
OH MY WORD! I love the ending...SO excited to read on!
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
  |
Awesome photo!!
She did a quick check of her clothes, wondering if anything was inside out. "Good morning," she said, glancing down at her feet. Helen noticed the hem of her pant leg was rolled up. Shaking her foot, it slid back down.--:-D Loved this part. Such a 'real' thing we all do. Made me smile.
The whole breakfast scene with all the blushing and flirting was the best. I loved every minute of it! VERY good writing my friend!
OH MY WORD! I love the ending...SO excited to read on!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
-
Oh, thank you!!! :)
It has truly been a good day for me. So glad you mention the photo's I add. I try to find something that will grab attention. Thanks!
I remember writing about Helen, Alexander, and the breakfast scene. I had fun with this one. I like to add a little flirting between the characters. Helen and Alexander are new to love, and I thought it would be fun to add the playful flirting.
You're spoiling me, girl! I like it! HA! :)
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from Natali Holden
Awesome. I can't believe his dad would tell Victor Casey's secret, but it might be because he didn't want him to go, but he did anyways even though he told him not to. I mean, he may not have, but I don't see what else his dad would've said. It's mysterious. I enjoyed! Can't wait for more!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
|
Awesome. I can't believe his dad would tell Victor Casey's secret, but it might be because he didn't want him to go, but he did anyways even though he told him not to. I mean, he may not have, but I don't see what else his dad would've said. It's mysterious. I enjoyed! Can't wait for more!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
-
Thank you dear Natali :)
Glad you enjoyed another chapter. After what Victor says to Casey, it leaves you to believe maybe his dad said something about Casey's secret. You will be shocked to find out what will come of that situation. Stay tuned.
Thanks again for taking the time to read another chapter. Your following is very motivating to me. Your feedback is awesome my friend.
Shana :)
Comment from apky
I love the photo. I always had a thing for men with longish hair (the one "luxury" my husband can't afford to offer me). My suggestions, as usual, are below. This was another brilliant chapter.
And then they shifted their eyes at(to) Alexander.
"If you're hungry, we have plenty leftover," (left over. "leftover" is actually the rest of what somebody has already eaten but not finished all the serving on their plate)
"Thank you," Helen said as (she) took one while Alexander forked three.
Upstairs watching out (from) her bedroom window
Noticing her presence, he raised his head and let out (a) screeching roar.
His nerves were on pins and needles creating (summer salts- I think you mean "somersaults", one word) in his digestive tract.
When Victor finished his desert, he wiped his mouth and cleared his throat. "Casey, I met your father this afternoon." He looked at Casey with narrowed eyes. "We had an interesting conversation over lunch." Uh-oh... You left it off pitch-perfect!
A wonderful read, darling.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
|
I love the photo. I always had a thing for men with longish hair (the one "luxury" my husband can't afford to offer me). My suggestions, as usual, are below. This was another brilliant chapter.
And then they shifted their eyes at(to) Alexander.
"If you're hungry, we have plenty leftover," (left over. "leftover" is actually the rest of what somebody has already eaten but not finished all the serving on their plate)
"Thank you," Helen said as (she) took one while Alexander forked three.
Upstairs watching out (from) her bedroom window
Noticing her presence, he raised his head and let out (a) screeching roar.
His nerves were on pins and needles creating (summer salts- I think you mean "somersaults", one word) in his digestive tract.
When Victor finished his desert, he wiped his mouth and cleared his throat. "Casey, I met your father this afternoon." He looked at Casey with narrowed eyes. "We had an interesting conversation over lunch." Uh-oh... You left it off pitch-perfect!
A wonderful read, darling.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
-
Thank you so much! :)
I love the long hair look, too. And no, my fiancé doesn't have a lot of hair either. HA! He keeps it burred off for the military, but he is still my GI Joe. :)
Your feedback is so helpful and motivating at the same time. I so appreciate this my friend! You're a gem!
Stay tuned... see what Victor and Casey's father discussed over lunch. Hmmm?
Your fan,
Shana :)
-
Definitely staying tuned!
Comment from royowen
So, Victor has met Casey's dad, I wonder if that's what the cautionary phone call was about. I suppose the dopamine injection was to retard the possibility of a theriomorphic reaction to the encounter. Wasn't a theriomorph tied to werewolves Shana? The dream of Lila's must mean that she has an ability to be sensitive to physical encounters? I like the interplay and knowing, polite reaction to Alexander's and Helen's encounter. Well done, most inventive and clever episode. You quite obviously have a marvellous grasp on your subject matter Shana, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : "thank you," Helen said, as (she) took one. 2: he lifted his head, and let out (a) screeching roar. 3: creating (summer salts) somersaults?
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
|
So, Victor has met Casey's dad, I wonder if that's what the cautionary phone call was about. I suppose the dopamine injection was to retard the possibility of a theriomorphic reaction to the encounter. Wasn't a theriomorph tied to werewolves Shana? The dream of Lila's must mean that she has an ability to be sensitive to physical encounters? I like the interplay and knowing, polite reaction to Alexander's and Helen's encounter. Well done, most inventive and clever episode. You quite obviously have a marvellous grasp on your subject matter Shana, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : "thank you," Helen said, as (she) took one. 2: he lifted his head, and let out (a) screeching roar. 3: creating (summer salts) somersaults?
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
-
Oh, thank you Roy! :)
I appreciate your awesome feedback, as always my friend. And thank you for catching my missed words and typos. It's hard to catch everything, even when you read your chapters over and over. HA!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
-
Always a privilege
Comment from ngage
Great chapter, Shana!
Way to go Helen and Alexander! I was hoping those two would eventually hook up.
You brought your characters to life with the bantering and interactions with one another. I could really visualize the breakfast scene.
Now you have left me with a cliff hanger. I wonder what Mr. Demont knows about Casey? Did his father reveal his secret? Can't wait to find out.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
 |
Great chapter, Shana!
Way to go Helen and Alexander! I was hoping those two would eventually hook up.
You brought your characters to life with the bantering and interactions with one another. I could really visualize the breakfast scene.
Now you have left me with a cliff hanger. I wonder what Mr. Demont knows about Casey? Did his father reveal his secret? Can't wait to find out.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
-
Thank you, ngage! :)
As always, it's a pleasure hearing from you. Your feedback is joyful. Stay tuned and find out what Casey's father discussed with Victor over lunch.
Shana :)
Comment from JanPerry
Extremely detailed in all aspects. I enjoy your imagination. I think the prologue at the end is far too long. Let the characters speak for themselves, if you write it well they will show themselves and who they are.
Regarding the font; perhaps a 16 size so it's easier on the eye. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
|
Extremely detailed in all aspects. I enjoy your imagination. I think the prologue at the end is far too long. Let the characters speak for themselves, if you write it well they will show themselves and who they are.
Regarding the font; perhaps a 16 size so it's easier on the eye. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
-
Thank you, JanPerry :)
So glad you enjoyed the chapter. And thanks for the helpful tips.
Hope to hear from you again.
Shana :)
