Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

I like the idea. We really need to all take a look at what may be required of us before it's too late. Better now than never. I don't see anything offensive at all. Very good writing, too.
Drew xx

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi Drew;
thank you so much for the lovely review. I never know what will offend, when it comes to a spiritual piece. Some of the information I'm using for the story comes from the Bible, but most doesn't. We really do not have a complete picture of what awaits us and how things will go...

I hope you enjoy the rest of the story,

~patty~

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written story and interpretation of how we may be get to heaven some day. We should all ask ourselves the question more often. Have we done enough to deserve entrance into heaven's gates.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi Sandra;
It is my intent to cover questions faced by many through the different characters. Not everyone will agree with my premise, but a great deal is based on the Bible and my studies of comparative religions. (I promise to not get too preachy.)

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing,

~patty~

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Good to introduce some characters. You could have expanded this a little more to include some of the other characters' details as well, but I'm sure we'll get to those in time. I mention it here because I have a feeling it's going to be one then the other in terms of story development. If the reader has some additional info on all the characters early on it can anchor them a little more - just a thought.

Taking a quick look around the space, Janelle counted six people besides herself. - I thought there were six souls waiting to come in before, now there's seven? (not counting the angel)

a short hand version - shorthand?

Were these requirements or prerequisites - these are basically the same thing.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi G;
thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I'm seriously thinking about your suggestion to include more characterization in this first introduction, but it would really mess up my outline!

I changed the number of souls to seven (I did the edit on the Intro.) Seven is more of a Biblical number - as I was reminded by a reader.

Editing the 'shorthand' and the sentence with requirements and prerequisites.

Thank you, as always for your insight,

~patty~

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I can't wait to see what's in the open door. I am also wanting to learn more about the waiting room, it's purpose???

There was an entire crew dedicated to making her look, and feel, good. (I doubt you need a comma after feel, is messes up the flow)

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi Barbara;
thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I did delete the comma you pointed out in that sentence.

The purpose of the waiting room will be revealed as we go through the story --- patience!

LOL - I hope you will enjoy the rest of the story,

~patty~

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

This continues to be intriguing. Love the concept and wish I'd have thought of it myself. So, what happens when they meet with the big guy? Type faster, please! :)

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi Phyllis;
thank you so much for reading, and giving me such high praise. I'm thrilled you are enjoying the story AND you wish you had come up with the concept. That is quite a compliment.

I will type and read as fast as I can, ok? I want to be sure to promote each chapter as the story moves along. I'm hoping that as the summer ends, the posts will start to grown in number and others can promote their work. I'm not sure if I'm just not reading as much or what, but I feel like I never have enough member dollars to do what I want.

I promise you won't be disappointed,

~patty~

Comment from His Grayness

Excellent

This is a remarkably clever write indeed, and the delivery is exceptionally well done with constant "grip' of the reader from beginning to end. I enjoyed it very much and cannot suggest a thing to improve this work! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi Vance;
I'm glad you're enjoying this story. I hope it will continue to hold your interest through to the end,

~patty~

Comment from damommy

Excellent

This is very interesting. It reminds of the book, 'The Great Divorce' by C.S. Lewis.

I like the idea of a waiting room. However, I think I'd rather be sent on my way right away. lol. No time to think about it.

Good story. No one should be offended. 8-)

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi there;
I have had this idea for years. I hope it will flesh out as well as my notes and outline seem to work.

Thank you for reading and reviewing,

~patty~

Comment from apky

Excellent

Unless somebody is really ultra sensitive, I don't think this fun story could upset anyone. But there again, you know your FanStorians a lot better than a newbie like me, LOL!


She listened to each person tell a short hand(shorthand, as one word. But maybe in the US you spell it differently) version of their story.

While reading this, I found myself comparing my own life with that of Janelle, nodding to myself on where I found similarities.

Janelle had always been vain. During her twenty-two years on earth, she rarely thought of anyone beside herself. She was a pretty little girl. Everyone told her so. Her mother and father, for sure, but then her looks caught the attention of a casting director, and everything took off from there. She was the center of attention from the time she was born.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi Aki;
thank you so much for the lovely review. I did go and change short hand to 'shorthand.' I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking when I broke it into two words.

I put the remarks about not wanting to offend anyone because occasionally a spiritual piece will rile up a few people. I've been told a few times that my beliefs are incorrect. Oh well!

~patty~

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

This is a very well written account and many have been written about "God's" waiting room. I found nothing offensive in your story line and am looking forward to your next installment.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017

Hi Charlie;
thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and look forward to the next,

~patty~

reply by c_lucas on 17-Sep-2017

You're welcome, Patty. Charlie