A Fatal Sting
100 Word Flash Fiction39 total reviews
Comment from frierajac
It is so real that I could nearly feel the sting all the way over here. I like the anthropomorphic: 'silken dress' and 'she imagined' given to the bee (whose)
cheeks suffused with bluish tinge then she watches his agony and lurches into...
Is it the honey pot where she had just placed the corpse? I'm dieing to know.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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It is so real that I could nearly feel the sting all the way over here. I like the anthropomorphic: 'silken dress' and 'she imagined' given to the bee (whose)
cheeks suffused with bluish tinge then she watches his agony and lurches into...
Is it the honey pot where she had just placed the corpse? I'm dieing to know.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your review, Carolyn. I think I need to sharpen up my writing skills a bit! I've had a number of different interpretations of this! I could have done with a few more words to make myself clear! My idea was that, in the same way that a bee sustains fatal damage to its abdomen when it stings, so too did the lady who murdered her partner. I didn't have enough words to include a plausible reason for the stomach cramps though! The honeypot was intended to be metaphorical. It's better to spread sweetness than to sting! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from pbomar1115
Although the story was short, I still had to read it a few times. I had no trouble with the description of the death. Then realizing it was a bee. Beautifully written, it was. But the woman died, in the end, is a great piece to put in a story. I bet your stories are great too.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Although the story was short, I still had to read it a few times. I had no trouble with the description of the death. Then realizing it was a bee. Beautifully written, it was. But the woman died, in the end, is a great piece to put in a story. I bet your stories are great too.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks for your kind review, pbomar. Much appreciated! Tony
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You're welcome.
Phillip
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm allergic to bee stings or actually almost any insect bite or sting. I'm a lousy person for the great outdoors. I did enjoy your short contest entry. You were able to include all the elements of a good story. Good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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I'm allergic to bee stings or actually almost any insect bite or sting. I'm a lousy person for the great outdoors. I did enjoy your short contest entry. You were able to include all the elements of a good story. Good luck.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Thanks, Barbara. Bee sting allergy can be a dreadful thing to have to live with. My sympathy. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from His Grayness
This on is a real shocker! Well done in all ways, of course, by this great writer. The artwork and packaging of this work is, as always...perfect and greatly effective. I cannot suggest a thing to make this work any better in any way. HIS GRAYNESS. Vance
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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This on is a real shocker! Well done in all ways, of course, by this great writer. The artwork and packaging of this work is, as always...perfect and greatly effective. I cannot suggest a thing to make this work any better in any way. HIS GRAYNESS. Vance
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks, Vance, for your most generous six-star review. Much appreciated! Best wishes, as always, Tony
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Well done Tony! you always deliver the best! Vance
Comment from Curly Girly
Tony, this was a unique, murderous entry to the contest. I gather she murdered her husband by allowing a bee to sting him. She placed the bee in the honey, so investigators would think it an accident. But what did she die from? A sudden cramp that ends in death / drowning. Justice served, but ... ?
A good entry.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Tony, this was a unique, murderous entry to the contest. I gather she murdered her husband by allowing a bee to sting him. She placed the bee in the honey, so investigators would think it an accident. But what did she die from? A sudden cramp that ends in death / drowning. Justice served, but ... ?
A good entry.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks, Nicole, for your most generous review. Much appreciated! I'm a bit uncertain about the ending. What I was aiming for was a parallel between the bee that loses its life when it stings and the murderer who loses her life when she murders by causing the bee to sting her partner. It's better to produce honey than to sting people! LOL Best wishes, as always, Tony
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Thanks, Honey! (pardon the pun)
Comment from estory
You jump right into the action here, the painful bee sting poisons someone. Then you have an interesting moment when they pull out the bee sting and admire the bee almost as a thing of beauty. Interesting twist before they cramp up and drop into the pool. The beauty of death. This tiny piece is larger than it appears at first glance. nice job packing all this into 100 words. estory
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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You jump right into the action here, the painful bee sting poisons someone. Then you have an interesting moment when they pull out the bee sting and admire the bee almost as a thing of beauty. Interesting twist before they cramp up and drop into the pool. The beauty of death. This tiny piece is larger than it appears at first glance. nice job packing all this into 100 words. estory
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks, estory, for your most generous review. Much appreciated! Best wishes, as always, Tony
Comment from Halfree
Alfred Hitchcock is not dead and the Twylight Zone still live as witnessed by this posting. Read it and then reread... fun read both times,
Well done, well done indeed.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Alfred Hitchcock is not dead and the Twylight Zone still live as witnessed by this posting. Read it and then reread... fun read both times,
Well done, well done indeed.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks, Halfree, for your most generous review. Much appreciated! Best wishes, as always, Tony
Comment from LIJ Red
So she gave him a dose of anaphylactic shock due to an allergy to bee venom.
What happened to her, other than drowning? A black widow among the lilies would have been fair. Excellent entry for a 100 word flash contest, in my opinion.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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So she gave him a dose of anaphylactic shock due to an allergy to bee venom.
What happened to her, other than drowning? A black widow among the lilies would have been fair. Excellent entry for a 100 word flash contest, in my opinion.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks, Red, for your most generous review. Much appreciated! I'm a bit uncertain about the ending. What I was aiming for was a parallel between the bee that loses its life when it stings and the murderer who loses her life when she murders by causing the bee to sting her partner. It's better to produce honey than to sting people! LOL Best wishes, as always, Tony
Comment from TAB_that's me
Excellent flash fiction writing. You have a beginning, middle, and a surprise ending.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Excellent flash fiction writing. You have a beginning, middle, and a surprise ending.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks, Teresa, for your most generous review. Much appreciated! Best wishes, as always, Tony
Comment from EverInParadise
This is an interesting twist on the usual murder mystery. I have made a couple of suggestions that I believe make the story read more smoothly. I suggest the use of the passive voice causes this story to be "lumpy". That's my word for a reading that uses passive phrases. Connecting action with *and* tends to dilute the action. * swelled up, (and) A bluish . . .(had) (was) THESE ARE PASSIVE. WHEN ELINIATED THE ACTION IS ENHANCED vs. SLOWED Consider making two sentences for the final action. *toward the pool* Lifting it by one wing, she placed it . . If I am guilty of anything it is over reviewing. I think you will find the story gains strength when the passive voice is changed. Good hundred word story. I wish you well in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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This is an interesting twist on the usual murder mystery. I have made a couple of suggestions that I believe make the story read more smoothly. I suggest the use of the passive voice causes this story to be "lumpy". That's my word for a reading that uses passive phrases. Connecting action with *and* tends to dilute the action. * swelled up, (and) A bluish . . .(had) (was) THESE ARE PASSIVE. WHEN ELINIATED THE ACTION IS ENHANCED vs. SLOWED Consider making two sentences for the final action. *toward the pool* Lifting it by one wing, she placed it . . If I am guilty of anything it is over reviewing. I think you will find the story gains strength when the passive voice is changed. Good hundred word story. I wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Very many thanks for your review and advice. Much appreciated. I shall have another look and see if i can sharpen this a bit before the contest deadline. Best wishes, Tony
