The Waiting Room
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Introduction"waiting our turn to have our special time with Him
38 total reviews
Comment from Drew Delaney
I didn't take note of any SPAG issues at all. My eyesight does play tricks on me sometimes though. You have a strong beginning and the topic is of definite interest. I wish you the best as you write this novel. Drew xx
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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I didn't take note of any SPAG issues at all. My eyesight does play tricks on me sometimes though. You have a strong beginning and the topic is of definite interest. I wish you the best as you write this novel. Drew xx
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Hi Drew;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,
~patty~
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Mustangpatty1029
I like your Introduction to your story
Now this waiting room you are telling us ,sounds like a place I would,y mind to patiently wait and see if I was going to be checked in to have eternal rest
Gert
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Hi Mustangpatty1029
I like your Introduction to your story
Now this waiting room you are telling us ,sounds like a place I would,y mind to patiently wait and see if I was going to be checked in to have eternal rest
Gert
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Hi Gert;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,
~patty~
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Six stars for the concept and a great beginning. This promises to be something different, which is very uncommon here with all the crime and love stories. C'mon, Patty, entertain me! :)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Six stars for the concept and a great beginning. This promises to be something different, which is very uncommon here with all the crime and love stories. C'mon, Patty, entertain me! :)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Hi Phyllis;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,
~patty~
Comment from Sasha
I find the concept of this book intriguing. I think it is well written and sets the stage very well. My only comment is that you do tend to use the word 'large' a lot in your descriptions. Possibly, you could come up with a different word avoid repetition. I look forward to the next chapter anxiously.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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I find the concept of this book intriguing. I think it is well written and sets the stage very well. My only comment is that you do tend to use the word 'large' a lot in your descriptions. Possibly, you could come up with a different word avoid repetition. I look forward to the next chapter anxiously.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Hi Sasha;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,
~patty~
Comment from Curly Girly
This particular waiting room sounds sumptuous!
It's a curious story. I would imagine that all people would be waiting with different expectations.
But who is HE? Perhaps He is God? ...
Perfect for waiting for the meeting with Him.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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This particular waiting room sounds sumptuous!
It's a curious story. I would imagine that all people would be waiting with different expectations.
But who is HE? Perhaps He is God? ...
Perfect for waiting for the meeting with Him.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Hi Nicole;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,
~patty~
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written introduction chapter to your new story. We all are on different levels of understanding our spirituality. I think your story is going to develop and show the different levels of each ones expectations.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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A very well-written introduction chapter to your new story. We all are on different levels of understanding our spirituality. I think your story is going to develop and show the different levels of each ones expectations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Hi Sandra;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,
~patty~
Comment from F. Wehr3
I thought this was an interesting beginning, but I wanted to meet a character of some sort. The imagery you created for the setting was unique, with a variety of things to pass the time until the appointment. Very vivid, but I asked myself, if they are dead? would they need a beverage station? Lol, it just popped in their. I'd like to read more to see where you take this.
Good luck with your project,
Russell
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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I thought this was an interesting beginning, but I wanted to meet a character of some sort. The imagery you created for the setting was unique, with a variety of things to pass the time until the appointment. Very vivid, but I asked myself, if they are dead? would they need a beverage station? Lol, it just popped in their. I'd like to read more to see where you take this.
Good luck with your project,
Russell
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Hi Russell; thank you so much for reading and reviewing the introduction to my next project. The reviews I've received have given me a great deal of information for change - and I'm very open to it. After all, I wrote this into about two years ago, and I have studied so much since then.
As for needing a beverage station; it all depends on your notion of the afterlife,
~patty~
Comment from Bichon
Wonderful Patty. You have managed to put into words, a very well written view of something most of us have visited, whether it be once or more. I have a feeling that your new novel will be amazing as it's off to a great start.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Wonderful Patty. You have managed to put into words, a very well written view of something most of us have visited, whether it be once or more. I have a feeling that your new novel will be amazing as it's off to a great start.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Hi Chloe;
thank you so much for the very positive review of this piece. I need to go back and do some edits, and you may want to re-read when Chapter One is posted. The basic premise will remain the same,
~patty~
the six simply made my day!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Patty,
A couple of things struck me straight away about this post.
Firstly, your background information basically gives the game away. It undercuts the tension of Who waits? What are they waiting for? in your description line. Personally, I'd leave that background out as the suspense is pretty much gone.
Secondly, The photograph you used doesn't match your description of the room in any way. I almost think it would be better to not use a photo rather than one that conflicts with the well-written description. It's one of the reasons I rarely use pictures for pieces if I can't find a good one that fits.
and the total affect was calming. - effect in this instance.
At the end of the room furthest from the door - generally farthest for physical distance.
The paragraphs dealing with the six people/ six souls is a bit repetitive.
I kind of get the idea that is more of an anthology type of novel rather than following one character/s all the way through? If not you should introduce them from the off.
Personally I'd have gone for introducing a particular character from the off. This is all set-up and description. Some arriving. I did a piece quite similar to this, in fact I think it's the second story I ever wrote, where the character wakes up in the 'heavenly' waiting room and everything is seen through their eyes..
All the best
G
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2017
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Hi Patty,
A couple of things struck me straight away about this post.
Firstly, your background information basically gives the game away. It undercuts the tension of Who waits? What are they waiting for? in your description line. Personally, I'd leave that background out as the suspense is pretty much gone.
Secondly, The photograph you used doesn't match your description of the room in any way. I almost think it would be better to not use a photo rather than one that conflicts with the well-written description. It's one of the reasons I rarely use pictures for pieces if I can't find a good one that fits.
and the total affect was calming. - effect in this instance.
At the end of the room furthest from the door - generally farthest for physical distance.
The paragraphs dealing with the six people/ six souls is a bit repetitive.
I kind of get the idea that is more of an anthology type of novel rather than following one character/s all the way through? If not you should introduce them from the off.
Personally I'd have gone for introducing a particular character from the off. This is all set-up and description. Some arriving. I did a piece quite similar to this, in fact I think it's the second story I ever wrote, where the character wakes up in the 'heavenly' waiting room and everything is seen through their eyes..
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2017
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Hi G;
thank you so much for your very thoughtful and concise review. I agree with you 100 percent on your observations.
The story is told as an anthology because I will feature each character's backstory, etc.
So, I will be re-writing all of this. Unfortunately, I will be doing it all with paper and pen. I have to go into the hospital for a bit.
See you around the boards,
~patty~
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this story and am very curious to see where you take it. It should be an interesting ride. You did a good job writing. Your structure is strong.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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I enjoyed reading this story and am very curious to see where you take it. It should be an interesting ride. You did a good job writing. Your structure is strong.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Hi Barbara;
thank you so much for reading and commenting on this beginning. I have come up with some edits which will enhance it, and you may want to read when Chapter One is posted,
Thank you for your continuing support of my work,
~patty~
