Comment from antonieta

Excellent

I cannot correct the gramar because English is not my first language, but I couldn't find any mistake. On the other hand, I did love the story because it is "surrealist", it is my kind of plot, I guess those people are dead but they don't know yet. Of course maybe I am wrong because you can have several interpretations here.

kind regards,
Antonieta

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi Antonieta;
now that I'm home, I can take all of my hand-written notes and continue to build this novel. Thank you for reading the introduction,

~patty~

Comment from pbomar1115

Exceptional

You described a waiting room beautifully and said diverse people were there. But, I did not see a problem. No one wanting something or in trouble. Except for the mention elements, your writing is great.


Phillip

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi Phillip;
now that I'm home, I can take all of my hand-written notes and continue to build this novel. Thank you for reading the introduction,

~patty~

reply by pbomar1115 on 16-Sep-2017

I wish I had the writing problems you have, which is none that I can see. You write great stories, Patty.

Phillip

reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi Phillip;
thank you so much for the lovely compliment.
~p~

reply by pbomar1115 on 16-Sep-2017

You're welcome, Patty.

Phillip

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

Each of them was about to have the most important appointment of their lives. -- you've stirred our imaginations and left us wondering - a really good introduction, Patty.

It sounds as if it might be suspense.

Margaret

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi Margaret;
now that I'm home, I can take all of my hand-written notes and continue to build this novel. Thank you for reading the introduction,

~patty~

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Interest start, Patty. I guess this is the waiting room after death and before the judgment to enter eternal life? I like that it's calming and comfortable. But a waiting room is unnerving so I hope the people won't have long to wait, if there is any sense of time at all.

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi there;
now that I'm home, I can take all of my hand-written notes and continue to build this novel. Thank you for reading the introduction,

~patty~

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

This is well written my friend and you told the story of Gods waiting room very well you made it seem like a very serene and welcoming place I enjoyed my friend well done regards Jill

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi Jill;
now that I'm home, I can take all of my hand-written notes and continue to build this novel. Thank you for reading the introduction,

~patty~

Comment from rtobaygo

Excellent

Good morning, Patty

Out of sixes.

You almost had me believing this was the waiting room of an actual doctor, not the next step of getting into heaven until the begining of the fourth paragraph:

On the last wall was a bank of amusement games.....

Well done! Enjoyed.

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi Ray;
thank you so much for the virtual six.
now that I'm home, I can take all of my hand-written notes and continue to build this novel. Thank you for reading the introduction,

~patty~

Comment from apky

Excellent

There were no grammar mistakes, but your use of the words "six people" too close together made me crease my brows:

At this moment, there were six souls about to enter the door. Six people that may or may not have been anticipating this appointment. Some of these folks would know what to expect; some wouldn't.

Besides, in the passage above, I wasn't sure who you were referring to in the sentences after "appointment" - the six people or the people in general.

I'm curious to know where you're heading with this story, so I look forward to the next post.

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi Aki;
thank you so much for your review. I did go and do an edit and take care of the six people issue. I appreciate your comments,

~patty~

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

I knew from the beginning that this waiting room was different but your description was absolutely the best. I found no problems or weaknesses to note

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi Barb;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,

~patty~

Comment from flylikeaneagle

Excellent

MustangPatty: I like your concept of the story of the waiting room.
You have a welcoming room complete with chilled and single serve
coffee machines. Soft music and easy chairs paint good descriptions.
The room was perfect for six at a time. Why did you pick six? Six is
man's number and seven is God's number. Eight is new beginnings.
David was the eighth son of Jesse and God saw his heart.

Who is the Him that they are waiting for? Maybe, spell Him out. Good
story opening. Congrats on all your first place awards and recognition stars! flylikeaneagle - nancy

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi there;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,

~patty~

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

I enjoyed reading and reviewing your short story. It kind of reminded me of the waiting room it "Beetlejuice" only the heavenly one. Nicely written Don and Vicki.

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017

Hi DonandVicki;
now that I'm home I've started to take all of my hand-written notes on this book, and will get back to putting out the chapters,

~patty~