And Soon The Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Night Before- Continued"How do you find a missing person among thousands.
4 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You have managed to do a very difficult thing here in making the screenplay actually readable without overdoing the directive sections. Nice
A few things I noticed as I read through-
One of the Uniform raises - Uniforms?
Nice interchange between the two cops. Amusing line We all do that".
Cops find you with a dead girls shoes - girl's.
Three POWERFUL MOTORBIKES / One of the Bikers looks back, then looks back at the road again. He RIPS the THROTTLE and they both speed off. - both suggests two here but you mention three.
a couple of CCTV camera's.- cameras is just a plural here so no apostrophe necessary.
Car Four, you copy. - should probably have a question mark here.
Thank's, Lieutenant. Apartment 46 A- no apostrophe needed here for Thanks.
Thank's Elsa.- same thing here.
all the best
GMG
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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Hi there,
You have managed to do a very difficult thing here in making the screenplay actually readable without overdoing the directive sections. Nice
A few things I noticed as I read through-
One of the Uniform raises - Uniforms?
Nice interchange between the two cops. Amusing line We all do that".
Cops find you with a dead girls shoes - girl's.
Three POWERFUL MOTORBIKES / One of the Bikers looks back, then looks back at the road again. He RIPS the THROTTLE and they both speed off. - both suggests two here but you mention three.
a couple of CCTV camera's.- cameras is just a plural here so no apostrophe necessary.
Car Four, you copy. - should probably have a question mark here.
Thank's, Lieutenant. Apartment 46 A- no apostrophe needed here for Thanks.
Thank's Elsa.- same thing here.
all the best
GMG
Comment Written 02-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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Thanks. You put a lot of effort into your review and pick up things I've missed despite about five reads of the thing. Thanks.
Comment from Tania Montgomery
Wow. This read more like a movie script than a novel. I'm not sure I've ever seen a novel written in that way. But I was able to picture the scene clearly and I could also hear and see what was described. The reader gets the full experience when using all of a persons senses. Touch, taste, smell, sound, sight. My constructive criticism would be to try to describe all of these senses to give the reader the illusion that they are there in the scene. Otherwise, I see a lot of potential here.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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Wow. This read more like a movie script than a novel. I'm not sure I've ever seen a novel written in that way. But I was able to picture the scene clearly and I could also hear and see what was described. The reader gets the full experience when using all of a persons senses. Touch, taste, smell, sound, sight. My constructive criticism would be to try to describe all of these senses to give the reader the illusion that they are there in the scene. Otherwise, I see a lot of potential here.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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Thanks.
This is s script, not a book. It's one episode broken down into smaller bits. I don't know why it comes up as a book. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This tells the scene to the point, realistic and naturally, movement and plot extension is appropriate and dialogues of the characters, environment, space and directive moves are befitting; I like, expressive thematic manifestation, good visual portrayal. (6-STAR)
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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This tells the scene to the point, realistic and naturally, movement and plot extension is appropriate and dialogues of the characters, environment, space and directive moves are befitting; I like, expressive thematic manifestation, good visual portrayal. (6-STAR)
Comment Written 01-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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Thank you very much fr the kind review. I recall appreciate your time and comments. Next part out in a couple of days.
Comment from Natali Holden
I didn't really know what to expect from you and I read this. I have to say, I didn't expect this, but I absolutely love it! You have me caring for your characters. I'm worried about car four! You wrote it and are saying car four, car four, car four! And I'm here thinking, 'car four where are you!' Keep up the awesome work!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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I didn't really know what to expect from you and I read this. I have to say, I didn't expect this, but I absolutely love it! You have me caring for your characters. I'm worried about car four! You wrote it and are saying car four, car four, car four! And I'm here thinking, 'car four where are you!' Keep up the awesome work!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 01-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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Thank you very much for the kind review. I'm glad you like it. The next part will be posted in a couple of days.
