tanka (red petals drop)
tanka is a Japanese short form17 total reviews
Comment from Poetic Friend
Wow, this tanka gave me the chills as I read it. Rarely, a poem effects me to this point. My adrenaline began rushing as I read the second line and the subsequent lines. By the time I reached the last line, I was speechless!
Wow, I really hope this poem places in the contest. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Wow, this tanka gave me the chills as I read it. Rarely, a poem effects me to this point. My adrenaline began rushing as I read the second line and the subsequent lines. By the time I reached the last line, I was speechless!
Wow, I really hope this poem places in the contest. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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I am so very touched by this "exceptional," as I respect your work very much. If you have never done, Japanese Short form it is a very different look at life. I have loved your work, because it has always hit a cord of emotion though, I don't always review these days. Your review is exactly the "feeling" a tanka should emote. Thank you so much for your response and the emotions you felt reading my little tanka.
Comment from pome lover
well, your "less" said a lot. How sad and poignant.
The image those few words brought to mind - the hospital room, petals from once beautiful flowers loved ones brought dropping off, a once beautiful life ending. powerful. well done.
pome lover
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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well, your "less" said a lot. How sad and poignant.
The image those few words brought to mind - the hospital room, petals from once beautiful flowers loved ones brought dropping off, a once beautiful life ending. powerful. well done.
pome lover
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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thank you
Comment from nbonner
Nicely written tanka poem. There's a picture in my head of someone watching their loved one pass away. Heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Nicely written tanka poem. There's a picture in my head of someone watching their loved one pass away. Heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the review
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend you have done really well using this form your right less does say more this poem gives the feeling of silence loneliness and death well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Yes my friend you have done really well using this form your right less does say more this poem gives the feeling of silence loneliness and death well done regards Jill
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the insightful review
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's so sad. I can only imagine what it must be like for the family when they have to take someone off life support. I think bits of my heart would hit the floor if it were me.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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That's so sad. I can only imagine what it must be like for the family when they have to take someone off life support. I think bits of my heart would hit the floor if it were me.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the lovely review. I love the words "bits of my heart would fall to the floor" You should run with that if you are a poet.
Comment from robyn corum
Val,
I really liked this tanka. Why didn't you enter it into the current/ongoing tanka contest, silly? It's one of the best I have read recently - certainly better than many I have seen for the contest. --sigh-- Thanks - I enjoyed!
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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Val,
I really liked this tanka. Why didn't you enter it into the current/ongoing tanka contest, silly? It's one of the best I have read recently - certainly better than many I have seen for the contest. --sigh-- Thanks - I enjoyed!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Thanks Robyn, but I've already entered one for that contest. Thank you for the lovely review.
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Okay, Robyn, I am going to challenge you to this. You say this "one the best I have read recently" Why is it only an 'excellent?" I don't question your review, but I believe as some of us do that true Japanese Short Form has been ruined by certain people on this site. Since Alvin died and Sue isn't working on this site any longer, we've lost all site of the form. I just wanted you to know how many of us feel, and why we are leaving the site. This may be of interest to you or not, but I've always trusted your opinion so here is mine. Thank you for hearing me out. Val Crisson
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Okay, Robyn, I am going to challenge you to this. You say this "one the best I have read recently" Why is it only an 'excellent?" I don't question your review, but I believe as some of us do that true Japanese Short Form has been ruined by certain people on this site. Since Alvin died and Sue isn't working on this site any longer, we've lost all site of the form. I just wanted you to know how many of us feel, and why we are leaving the site. This may be of interest to you or not, but I've always trusted your opinion so here is mine. Thank you for hearing me out. Val Crisson
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Val,
Thanks for your query. I happen to agree with you about several things and hate to hear that anyone is thinking about leaving, for any reason, much less because of the way other people are doing something. It's a big world. I don't write my fiction the way everyone else does, yet I wouldn't leave because of that.
As for the 'excellent' rating, I'm sorry you're disappointed. I did say that this was one of the best I'd seen on this site. (When even you seem to think there haven't been too many good ones.)
It's a great poem, but because it's one of the best I've seen, doesn't mean I believe it deserved a six. It's lovely, truly lovely and I think you could even get this one published, possibly. I'd be happy to give you a few places I recommend you send it.
But I read hundreds of haiku and senryu in other online sites and in print publications. This was good but it wasn't a six. I hope that helps and you are not offended. Hugs--
PS. You will notice, I hope, that I very, very rarely post haiku. My forte is mostly senryu. Haiku is a difficult beast to master. Many try, few succeed. Thanks for a great poem.
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Thank you, Robyn, for you honest reply and reality check I probably deserved. I am not offended, and I shouldn't have vented to you. I'm just frustrated, as mentioned in the above reply. Thank you for the offer of a publisher, but this will probably end up in an anthology I am working on with other JSF people. I personally love haiku, but you're right they are not for everyone. Val
Comment from Bill Schott
This tanka, Red Petals Drop, uses a classic format to paint the sad, metaphorical picture of the end. Love and beauty meet the same fate. Nice poem.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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This tanka, Red Petals Drop, uses a classic format to paint the sad, metaphorical picture of the end. Love and beauty meet the same fate. Nice poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the lovely review
