Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

When the content is as well written as this chapter, length doesn't matter, Sandra - I wanted to go on reading. I love chocolate, but stay clear of it as I get migraines

Looking forward to the next part - didn't notice any errors, my friend.

Margaret

 Comment Written 25-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

Thank you so much, Margaret, for another wonderful review. You always make my day! Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxxx

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi there;
another well written chapter which presents a problem that needs to be puzzled out. This always makes for a better story than one that is easily solved. Somehow following the characters as they think it all through is much more interesting.

A nit: '... but that aside, was i t (it)possible? '

Looking forward to more,

~patty~

 Comment Written 25-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

Thank you so much, Patty. That is such a nice thing to say! I've put the 'it' right, I don't know how that happened, but thanks for spotting it. :)) Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx

Comment from Rasmine

Excellent

Sandra,
Good writing as usual. Now, I'm craving that candy bar in the refrigerator. :P I didn't eat it because of total exhaustion before bed the past two nights. Tonight for sure.
I didn't find any errors. I guess making chocolate isn't hard, I'll google it and perhaps make my own. :P

 Comment Written 25-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

I'm always craving chocolate, Rasmine, it's my one downfall when going on a diet! I'm begining to believe the word 'diet' triggers my chocolate crave! Thank you so much for reading and the lovely review, my friend. Big hugs :) Sandra xxx

Comment from kiwigirl2821

Excellent

Hello Sandra. The length doesn't matter, the content does! What I love about this is the actual dialog accent that I hear as I'm reading and I really like how loving you have made this family of characters. Another awesome chapter. xoxo Kiwi

 Comment Written 25-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

What a lovely review, Kiwi, thank you so very much. I really appreciate what you've said. Biggest hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

Interesting episode. You seem to have everything figured out with no conflicts. You do have a major spam issue, however, but if you fix it, you'll have earned a six from the good writing. Just don't do this again. I have been seeing it lately, and it really bugs me because it's so serious.

The good news was, the church was in the nearby village

"The good news is, the missionary church

In both cases, you have a single comma after IS. NEVER do this. It cuts the sentence in half in the wrong place. The right place is between subject and predicate, and IS belongs to the predicate.

It's okay to put TWO commas in to set off a phrase, but that rarely happens after IS anyway. Let's see... "THe good news is, if you really care, that we're getting back together.

Still not the best way to word that, but the commas are in a pair to set off an extra phrase.

You used single commas to split the sentences in the wrong place. But NO COMMAS are needed or belong there. Just write them like this:

The good news was the church was in the nearby village

"The good news is the missionary church

 Comment Written 25-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

Thank you so much, Phyllis, for the lovely six stars and the corrections. I will remember that in future. I'll nip back and change it. I see what you mean about it not really working. Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from Curly Girly

Excellent

Hi, Sandra. This was another beautifully written chapter. Mr Fry's chocolate factory and his recipe may be a clue to a future amendment.

Honestly--I'm not sure about this, but you wrote:
'Michael' cum 'Joe'
Are you sure it's not:
'Michael' come 'Joe' / short for 'become'?
*'cum' is porn slang for orgasm.

 Comment Written 24-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

LOL! Nicole, I'm going straight back and changing that word, it doesn't say that in my dictionary, but now you've said that I'll have to change it!! LOL. I'll be grinning about that all day now. Thanks, my friend, for reading and reviewing. It did give me a giggle. :) Sandra xxx

reply by Curly Girly on 25-Aug-2017

Yeah, I hope I'm right. I know it's used in porn writing. I've not seen it used in normal UK English--not that I can recall.

reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

I've just had a look on Google, and this is what it says,

cum1
kʌm/Submit
preposition
combined with; also used as (used to describe things with a dual nature or function).
"a study-cum-bedroom"

So if I add the hyphen it will say what I meant it to say. Hmm, I hope I don't come up against this again!! LOL. xxxx

reply by Curly Girly on 27-Aug-2017

Very interesting, Sandra. Thanks for your informative reply. It's probably a phrase I might use, conversationally, but would avoid in the written form; it just looks so ... weird. Most moderns might think it's a typo. Use of the English language deteriorates on a daily basis. When I was a kid 'gay' meant happy and 'race' was a running competition.

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

End of part 11 - not to be too grumpy, but see? This is why I'm growing tired of FS in some ways. Presumably that chapter received reviews, but nobody caught the small nit?
"...as he looked up (and) gave me one of his disarming grins (and) picked up..." Replace the first "and" with a comma.

Aren't you glad I dropped in? (LOL) Sandra, I'm so sorry to be missing so much of your splendid book. I had to tell another writer friend the same thing - I could not take on her novel at this time either. (Maybe the next one...?) There just aren't enough hours in a day these days. In fact, I'm on FanStory a lot less anymore. All kidding aside, I'm not a fan of dropping in on a book at all - it's too difficult to write a worthwhile review. Character building, cohesion, and so on can't really be judged.

But...

Yours is a perfect snapshot of blissful family life in this chapter, and the intriguing plot-line is enhanced by the thoughts you express. Your comprehensive intros don't hurt a bit either!

Best of luck, my friend. I HAD to drop in, 'cuz I MISS ya!

 Comment Written 24-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

Hi Dawn, Thank you for 'dropping in' I know exactly what you mean. I'm not on here half as much as I used to be. I'm finding it hard to keep up, but must try a bit harder. Thank you for finding that nit, I went and re-wrote that sentence. I always manage to miss something, doesn't matter how often I go over it. Thanks, my dear friend. Big hugs. :) Sandra xxx

reply by Dawn Munro on 25-Aug-2017

Hugs back - you're very welcome.

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

Great story so far! I usually am able to pick up on errors, but not this time.

I love Fry's chocolate. Is there some story behind this, or just an idea you came up with?

I would to hear the story in your English dialect. I always listen to books by English narrators. Have a great week! Drew xx

 Comment Written 24-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2017

Thank you, Drew, for another lovely review, and I am over the moon you couldn't find an error, that might mean my grammar is getting better! LOL. I have my children's story books narrated, so I might get these books done too. It does make a huge difference if you can hear the words, especially when it comes to characters like Mildred and Daveth who do have strong dialects. When I was researching chocolate bars as opposed to chocolate drinks on sale in the UK, I found that Fry was the first, the fact that his first factory was opened in 1847 was perfect for the idea I have. I will have to check that I can actually use his name in the finished book or whether I'll have to change it to a fictitious one. There are so many rules and regulations to check. Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

No there was no safe place to divide the chapter. It had to be this long.VEry well written and I am a little confused but I know it will straighten out

 Comment Written 24-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017

LOL, Barb, I truly hope it will sort itself out. There is a lot going on at the moment, and Veronica has it all to do. Thank you, my friend, for another of your lovely reviews. Big hugs, :) Sandra xxx

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Veronica, James and Mildred are stuck with the perplexing problem of trying to persuade Joe to get out of Michael's body and back to his own time, it must be a "creepy" dilemma for them. Much work has been done, and they think there is a solution, but other problems loom with the solution! Well done, Sandra, great job! Blessings, Roy
Question : Aren't boy's version of the name "Frances" spelt with an "i" Sandra, like...Sir Francis Drake?

 Comment Written 24-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017

Thank you so much, Roy, for this lovely review. I didn't know that about the name! Thanks, dear friend, for that. I'll go and change it in this part and then in the other parts. Can't have him with a girls name, poor boy has enough problems in his life! LOL. Big hugs, my friend, lots of love. :) Sandra xxxx

reply by royowen on 24-Aug-2017

Heh heh, that's true, poor boy.