Briarly Hall
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Lady Mathilde's sojourn in London"Historical fiction
2 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Seems like the welcome wagon was out for the visit.
Storyline possesses enough action to move the tale along.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
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Seems like the welcome wagon was out for the visit.
Storyline possesses enough action to move the tale along.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
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Thanks for taking time to read and critique zanya
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
it's probably getting to the point now where you should maybe consider including a synopsis or background information/summary near the beginning. Whilst not ideal, on the site people read a great many stories and books and won't always remember where you are in a particular story. This aides in refreshing their memory and also can entice newer readers to the work. It's almost a month since the last instalment as well.
Marquis Gregoire's father, Lord Charlois, greeted his son Marquis Gregoire as he ascended from the carriage. - I would suggest deleting the repetition of Marquis Gregoire here after son. It isn't needed.
after some years absence.- should be an apostrophe in here.
I like that you kept the more formalised language. It is very fitting for the tale.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
|
Hi there,
it's probably getting to the point now where you should maybe consider including a synopsis or background information/summary near the beginning. Whilst not ideal, on the site people read a great many stories and books and won't always remember where you are in a particular story. This aides in refreshing their memory and also can entice newer readers to the work. It's almost a month since the last instalment as well.
Marquis Gregoire's father, Lord Charlois, greeted his son Marquis Gregoire as he ascended from the carriage. - I would suggest deleting the repetition of Marquis Gregoire here after son. It isn't needed.
after some years absence.- should be an apostrophe in here.
I like that you kept the more formalised language. It is very fitting for the tale.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 23-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
-
Thanks for taking time to read and critique -useful suggestions -longer posts get lost in the ether !!zanya
