Travesty of Justice
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Turning States Evidence"Two people accused of a crime they didn't commit.
9 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
This is a well-written murder and mystery chapter.
Your dialogue is good. It reads smoothly and sounds natural.
Your punctuation is good too.
Your content is interesting and moves along at a steady pace.
No typos spotted.
The story held my attention until the end. It seems to me that Julia may be guilty but it's hard to judge when dropping in midway to read one chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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This is a well-written murder and mystery chapter.
Your dialogue is good. It reads smoothly and sounds natural.
Your punctuation is good too.
Your content is interesting and moves along at a steady pace.
No typos spotted.
The story held my attention until the end. It seems to me that Julia may be guilty but it's hard to judge when dropping in midway to read one chapter.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your wonderful review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You came in at the next to the last chapter. Believe it or not, Julia is innocent, she's being framed by the DA and his accomplices. I made her look guilty up to the end.
Thanks again for a great review, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I thought she had killed her first husband, but I'm probably remembering wrong. So Jeffries is going to find himself accused with evidence to prove it? I have trouble following a story I see only ever few days, with my poor memory. At least Julia really is innocent. :)
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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I thought she had killed her first husband, but I'm probably remembering wrong. So Jeffries is going to find himself accused with evidence to prove it? I have trouble following a story I see only ever few days, with my poor memory. At least Julia really is innocent. :)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Thank you for a wonderful review. Julia thought she did the police even found a charred body in the car he was supposedly in but that was his twin. Bill her second husband supposedly left the state, but he's back to get revenge. Allen the DA and Marty are being accused with evidence to prove it, the tapes. Jeffries is the cop helping transport Larry to New York. they just had a wreck. Julia is innocent like you said in the beginning despite me trying to convince you otherwise, lol. Do you think Julia get out of her predicament, being trapped in the room? Will Larry go to prison for murder? The next chapter tells it all.
Thanks again for your great review, take care. Missed your post this week, hope you plan to continue it in the near future.
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Thanks for the update. I;m sorry you didn't see Bowl of Stew. It is posted. Look in my portfolio to find it.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A lot going on in this instalment as the plot picks up. The frame-up unravelling, the action and revelations of Julia's husband being alive (and a mysterious twin) and then Larry's predicament at the end.
certainly feels as if we're building to a crescendo...
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi there,
A lot going on in this instalment as the plot picks up. The frame-up unravelling, the action and revelations of Julia's husband being alive (and a mysterious twin) and then Larry's predicament at the end.
certainly feels as if we're building to a crescendo...
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for the fantastic review. As much as I hate to say goodbye to Julia and Larry, the next chapter is the end.
I want to apologize for venting the way I did, you're only trying to help and didn't deserve it, so I'm sorry for lashing out and promise never to do it again.
Thank you again for all of your help it truly is appreciated.
Do you get attached to your characters, sometimes? Just wondering.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, darned if it doesn't look like everyone is in on some part of this caper to some degree. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter of fun and entertainment. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Well, darned if it doesn't look like everyone is in on some part of this caper to some degree. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter of fun and entertainment. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for your great review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It seems that poor Julia has half the town gunning for her, lol. Thanks again for your nice review, take care. I think I found most of the mistakes in Deadly Finds. I know you're really busy, so no hurry, it'll be there when ever you get around to it.
Thanks again for your great review, take care.
Comment from apky
It is getting there and at a very racy clip. You've done a great job with the suspense which is just about throttling me. I so want the bad guys to get what is coming to them. I so want Julia and Larry to finally be cleared and be left alone to get on with their lives. And Andy coming back from the dead? Wow, I didn't see that coming at all.
"Allen told me to(delete-o). He said we need to make room for real criminals."
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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It is getting there and at a very racy clip. You've done a great job with the suspense which is just about throttling me. I so want the bad guys to get what is coming to them. I so want Julia and Larry to finally be cleared and be left alone to get on with their lives. And Andy coming back from the dead? Wow, I didn't see that coming at all.
"Allen told me to(delete-o). He said we need to make room for real criminals."
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your kind review and your encouraging words. I'm glad I was able to surprise you. Not once but twice she tried to kill Andy, but ass just won't die. You'll find out if you get your wish in the next chapter.
Thank you again for all your help and support, take care
Comment from hvysmker
"Mr. Buchannan, Mr. Wagner hired me to represent James." Patting James on the shoulders, he continues, "Can I have a moment with my client, please?"
*** I think you're being overly-familiar among your characters. This is an example of one character meeting another. It shouldn't be, "Hi james, I'm joe." Rather Mr. or Ms so and so, I'm Mr. so and so." You seem to do this often.
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"How did that happen?" Joe questions.
"Larry sent them Julia's hospital records to prove the abuse. He also sent them footage of the night she was kidnapped from the hospital."
"So they believe Julia killed Andy in self-defense?"
"They do now."
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*** But would they drop all charges that suddenly or simply lower the charge? Maybe send the new information to the prosecutor?
I couldn't believe who I'm seeing. "Andy?" I ask, trying to figure out how this's even possible.
*** I can't believe. Change in POV.
Locking the door, I start scanning my surroundings, hoping to come up with a plan.
*** Oh, no. She isn't going to kill someone else? Sounds illogical, such as a dream.
Exciting enough, Mistydawn and advances the story.
Charlie
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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"Mr. Buchannan, Mr. Wagner hired me to represent James." Patting James on the shoulders, he continues, "Can I have a moment with my client, please?"
*** I think you're being overly-familiar among your characters. This is an example of one character meeting another. It shouldn't be, "Hi james, I'm joe." Rather Mr. or Ms so and so, I'm Mr. so and so." You seem to do this often.
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"How did that happen?" Joe questions.
"Larry sent them Julia's hospital records to prove the abuse. He also sent them footage of the night she was kidnapped from the hospital."
"So they believe Julia killed Andy in self-defense?"
"They do now."
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*** But would they drop all charges that suddenly or simply lower the charge? Maybe send the new information to the prosecutor?
I couldn't believe who I'm seeing. "Andy?" I ask, trying to figure out how this's even possible.
*** I can't believe. Change in POV.
Locking the door, I start scanning my surroundings, hoping to come up with a plan.
*** Oh, no. She isn't going to kill someone else? Sounds illogical, such as a dream.
Exciting enough, Mistydawn and advances the story.
Charlie
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for your great review I'm glad you enjoyed it. She might kill them, I mean what choice does she have being trapped in a room no way to call for help or escape. If she does she can always claim self-defense. As far as the charges go all they can get her for is Identity theft which is a class d felony in Delaware. Would they'd transport her from Arkansas over that? Where would I find out?
Thank you again for your great review and helpful suggests, take care.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks in continuation by degrees eventually, how there is ups and downs in investigation, that begins with suspicion, the evidence on Julia and Larry continues to unravel; I liked.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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This speaks in continuation by degrees eventually, how there is ups and downs in investigation, that begins with suspicion, the evidence on Julia and Larry continues to unravel; I liked.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your great review I am so glad you enjoyed it. I hope you'll come back in four days to see how the story ends.
Thank you again for your kind review and your support, take care.
Comment from royowen
I'm liking this complicated and complex investigation, of Julia, Larry the lawyer, and the confusing interwoven back stories to this. James says to Joe, Marty plans to frame Larry and Julia. I wonder the identity of the figure at Julia's? It's Andy with Jack, in cahoots it seem...Andy has a twin, Julia attempts to escape, will she? Well done, complexity coming home to roost! Well done, excellent web weaving, blessings, Roy
Typo : kidnap(p)ed from the house.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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I'm liking this complicated and complex investigation, of Julia, Larry the lawyer, and the confusing interwoven back stories to this. James says to Joe, Marty plans to frame Larry and Julia. I wonder the identity of the figure at Julia's? It's Andy with Jack, in cahoots it seem...Andy has a twin, Julia attempts to escape, will she? Well done, complexity coming home to roost! Well done, excellent web weaving, blessings, Roy
Typo : kidnap(p)ed from the house.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your kind review and your encouraging words. I am so glad you're continuing to enjoying it and hope you; ll come back in four days for the conclusion. Will Julia escape? Will Larry die in the car wreck? Will Marty and Allen get what they deserve? What about Andy, the man who never seems to die no matter how many times she tries to kill him off? You came in at the last so I better explain. In chapter 1 Julia rigged Andy's truck to blow up when he started it. He used the button on his keychain to start it instead of climbing inside. That's the same chapter where she almost died in the house fire he set to kill her. Isn't love wonderful? Lol.
Thanks again for your wonderful review, encouraging words and for catching my mistake. Take care.
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Thanks for the comprehensive explanation, much appreciated, good writing, Roy
Comment from EverInParadise
Good story, I have some suggestion, of course. In the early paragraphs. . . .hoping THIS tactic will - the suspect or witness, but not HIM, because it reads as if he is trying to startle himself. Joe probably orders James to take a seat. (Keeping Joe in charge of this scene. To frame FOR the murders. Eliminate "we see" "Kirk is running . . . or Kirk runs toward. Instead of start scanning, try I scan the list. Gee, I don't mean to rewrite an interesting piece. As a reviewer I point out where the writing slows the actions you want your readers to be with. Anyway keep writing and learning. Me too.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Good story, I have some suggestion, of course. In the early paragraphs. . . .hoping THIS tactic will - the suspect or witness, but not HIM, because it reads as if he is trying to startle himself. Joe probably orders James to take a seat. (Keeping Joe in charge of this scene. To frame FOR the murders. Eliminate "we see" "Kirk is running . . . or Kirk runs toward. Instead of start scanning, try I scan the list. Gee, I don't mean to rewrite an interesting piece. As a reviewer I point out where the writing slows the actions you want your readers to be with. Anyway keep writing and learning. Me too.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you fo your nice review and helpful suggestions, I appreciate you taking the time to help me learn, grow as a writer.
Thank you again, take care.
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You're welcome.
