Beneath the Surface
Unrequited love46 total reviews
Comment from Irish Rain
Beautiful as always! My favorite parts, the half-formed smile...I can picture that, the grey seas....eyes....just so telling...and the ending, as she flounces away, wonderful!! A superb entry! Blessings...
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Beautiful as always! My favorite parts, the half-formed smile...I can picture that, the grey seas....eyes....just so telling...and the ending, as she flounces away, wonderful!! A superb entry! Blessings...
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Very many thanks, Judy. As always, I appreciate your review and kind words. Thanks, too, for pointing out the parts you liked best, and for your six-star award. Best wishes, Tony
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You're most welcome!!
Comment from Abby Wilson-hand
AWESOME, AWESOME JOB I LOVED IT
WELL DESERVING OF A SIX I DON'T HAVE
HOPE TO READ MORE OF YOUR WRITING
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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AWESOME, AWESOME JOB I LOVED IT
WELL DESERVING OF A SIX I DON'T HAVE
HOPE TO READ MORE OF YOUR WRITING
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Very many thanks, Abby. As always, I appreciate your review and am delighted that you enjoyed the poem enough to award it six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from June Sargent
Ah, the sweet mysteries of love. This thing that can bring unbelievable joy or bitter disappointment. One does have to take that plunge - to venture in and perhaps hear the song of whales. Or not. A lovely piece of artwork that compliments this entry perfectly. Should do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Ah, the sweet mysteries of love. This thing that can bring unbelievable joy or bitter disappointment. One does have to take that plunge - to venture in and perhaps hear the song of whales. Or not. A lovely piece of artwork that compliments this entry perfectly. Should do well in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Very many thanks, June. As always, I appreciate your review and kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Drew Delaney
I really do love the rhyme and rhythm in thos poem. I envy your talent. I can manage 8 syllables, but 12 must be most difficult. A lovely picture to go with this amazingly written poem. Best wishes in the contest! Drew
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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I really do love the rhyme and rhythm in thos poem. I envy your talent. I can manage 8 syllables, but 12 must be most difficult. A lovely picture to go with this amazingly written poem. Best wishes in the contest! Drew
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Drew. I very much appreciate your review and good wishes for the contest. I found the photograph online recently and thought it worthy of a poem. Glad you enjoyed it! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Hello my friend this is very well written reads so smoothly in is hard when a person you love doesn't feel the same way good luck well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hello my friend this is very well written reads so smoothly in is hard when a person you love doesn't feel the same way good luck well done regards Jill
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Jill. I appreciate your review and comment. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from krys123
Beautifully written, Tony, and Cheers;
-the degree of difficulty for me is to write a poem and ABBA and so on formatted Poetry is somewhat difficult but you have seemed to do it fluidly throughout.
-Your enjambment, which I believe is very important, flows smoothly throughout and expresses and manifests the clarity of imagery that is demonstratively descriptive of the love that you have Growing inside you.
-A beautifully Renaissance picture to support and relate One's feelings with the poem and substantiate its relevance.
-Excellent rhyming and iambic meter help with the fluidity of your poem.
-One suggestion for your third line of your third verse:
"To support with dolphins, hear the song of whales WITHIN," I used within Because it is so related to the ocean and the sounds within the ocean.
-Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest, Tony, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Beautifully written, Tony, and Cheers;
-the degree of difficulty for me is to write a poem and ABBA and so on formatted Poetry is somewhat difficult but you have seemed to do it fluidly throughout.
-Your enjambment, which I believe is very important, flows smoothly throughout and expresses and manifests the clarity of imagery that is demonstratively descriptive of the love that you have Growing inside you.
-A beautifully Renaissance picture to support and relate One's feelings with the poem and substantiate its relevance.
-Excellent rhyming and iambic meter help with the fluidity of your poem.
-One suggestion for your third line of your third verse:
"To support with dolphins, hear the song of whales WITHIN," I used within Because it is so related to the ocean and the sounds within the ocean.
-Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest, Tony, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Alex. As always, I appreciate your review and the six stars. Thank you, too, for your suggestion about 'within'. I'll have a look at that. It sounds like a good idea. Best wishes, Tony
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You're very welcome, Tony, and have a good one.
Alex
Comment from lyenochka
Beautiful - but sorry about the end. I wonder which came first - the picture or the poem. As I read, I was drawn into the parted lips of the portrait. And then the blue-grey eyes which leads to water imagery and the "nereid" which I had to look up. But alas, the love was not to be. Perfect meter and rhyme scheme.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Beautiful - but sorry about the end. I wonder which came first - the picture or the poem. As I read, I was drawn into the parted lips of the portrait. And then the blue-grey eyes which leads to water imagery and the "nereid" which I had to look up. But alas, the love was not to be. Perfect meter and rhyme scheme.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Helen. As always, I appreciate your review. In this case, I found the picture and framed the poem around it. An ekphrastic poem, I think it is called. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Tony; a very poetic piece giving us insight to the wounded would-be lover. The longing is very apparent in each line and the last one finally puts him out of his misery.
Well structured and a great entry for the Love Poem contest. Good luck!
~patty~
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hi Tony; a very poetic piece giving us insight to the wounded would-be lover. The longing is very apparent in each line and the last one finally puts him out of his misery.
Well structured and a great entry for the Love Poem contest. Good luck!
~patty~
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Patty. I appreciate your review and comments. Thanks, too, for your good luck wishes. I hope my poem fares better than this poor, luckless wretch! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Curly Girly
This poem speaks of love. It talks about love. It voices love. It voices thoughts about love. It dreams of love...
What strange imaginings of love, what treasures held
In caves beyond the petals of the damask rose
Where nectar is, and heavy scents, delights for those
That part the moistened lips in bliss - at last - to meld.
This came across as all very serious until the last line was read:
when, with disdain you flounce away, and cut me dead?
Perhaps poet is over thinking his topic. Poet's mouth can't stop talking and is not kissing.
Some would say it's time to put a pillow over poet's face and get on with the job. Instead, this lady chose to flounce away. She was outspoken.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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This poem speaks of love. It talks about love. It voices love. It voices thoughts about love. It dreams of love...
What strange imaginings of love, what treasures held
In caves beyond the petals of the damask rose
Where nectar is, and heavy scents, delights for those
That part the moistened lips in bliss - at last - to meld.
This came across as all very serious until the last line was read:
when, with disdain you flounce away, and cut me dead?
Perhaps poet is over thinking his topic. Poet's mouth can't stop talking and is not kissing.
Some would say it's time to put a pillow over poet's face and get on with the job. Instead, this lady chose to flounce away. She was outspoken.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Nicole. I enjoyed your comments about this poor, hapless poet! All words and no action! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from His Grayness
Magnificent! Awesome! Marvelous! Amazing, Rich and brilliant! Everything about this work is truly splendid, in every way! The artwork is truly a gift to this work, while the dialog is so rare and gripping from start to finish. I could not suggest a thing to make this work any better in any way and thank this author for a wonderful experience! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Magnificent! Awesome! Marvelous! Amazing, Rich and brilliant! Everything about this work is truly splendid, in every way! The artwork is truly a gift to this work, while the dialog is so rare and gripping from start to finish. I could not suggest a thing to make this work any better in any way and thank this author for a wonderful experience! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Your reviews always bring a lift to my spirits, Vance! They are so very affirming! Thanks, too, for the six stars. Much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
