Beneath the Surface
Unrequited love46 total reviews
Comment from Ogden
Boy, you've "got it bad, and that ain't good!" But your poem of a futile love, is erudite, and carefully crafted - an excellent read.
Good luck in the contest, Tony.
Don
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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Boy, you've "got it bad, and that ain't good!" But your poem of a futile love, is erudite, and carefully crafted - an excellent read.
Good luck in the contest, Tony.
Don
Comment Written 18-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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Thanks for the good luck wishes, Don. I could do with them after that rebuff!
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I hope, by 'rebuff,' you're referring to the rejection by that heartless love, not anything I said.
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Absolutely!
Comment from Sis Cat
At first I thought you were writing about the Mona Lisa, a pleasure I had the pleasure of seeing:
How far behind those lips was born that half-formed smile?
Their parting holds a pledge, a door that's held ajar.
With hesitating heart, I wonder who it's for -
that enigmatic look that hovers, to beguile.
But then a read deeper a poem about unrequited and unobtainable love:
What oystered pearl, my Nereid, lies on your bed
Amid the swirl and silver glint of shoals that pass,
as do the ripples of your silken gown, alas,
when, with disdain you flounce away, and cut me dead?
Your language is rich and show a high degree of knowledge, refinement, and craft. Your poem is a feast of words. They show the desire and pain of loss of someone a person never had.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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At first I thought you were writing about the Mona Lisa, a pleasure I had the pleasure of seeing:
How far behind those lips was born that half-formed smile?
Their parting holds a pledge, a door that's held ajar.
With hesitating heart, I wonder who it's for -
that enigmatic look that hovers, to beguile.
But then a read deeper a poem about unrequited and unobtainable love:
What oystered pearl, my Nereid, lies on your bed
Amid the swirl and silver glint of shoals that pass,
as do the ripples of your silken gown, alas,
when, with disdain you flounce away, and cut me dead?
Your language is rich and show a high degree of knowledge, refinement, and craft. Your poem is a feast of words. They show the desire and pain of loss of someone a person never had.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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Many thanks, Andre. When I came across this picture on the internet, it reminded me of the Mona Lisa, and that it probably why I started with the smile! Sadly, I have never had the privilege of seeing the original in the Louvre.
Glad you enjoyed the poem!
Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Such sadness there is in unrequited love. I thought your words had a melancholy strain, a kind of longing, and the pain of not being loved in return was plain to see. Lovely, Giddy
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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Such sadness there is in unrequited love. I thought your words had a melancholy strain, a kind of longing, and the pain of not being loved in return was plain to see. Lovely, Giddy
Comment Written 17-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Giddy. I appreciate your kind words about the tone of this poem, and your generous award of six stars - fair recompense for the poor old love-lorn fellow! LOL Tony
Comment from frierajac
I was waiting to comment until I had a 6 for you. I like the poem seeming to be about a real woman of a bygone era, and at the last stanza the reader wondering
if she may have been quite real or half fantasy.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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I was waiting to comment until I had a 6 for you. I like the poem seeming to be about a real woman of a bygone era, and at the last stanza the reader wondering
if she may have been quite real or half fantasy.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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Most generous of you to hang back on your review in order to award six stars. Thanks very much! The poem was woven from pure fantasy, inspired by the photograph, which caught my attention recently. Being an egotistical male, if I'd been rebuffed like that, I probably wouldn't write about it!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image.
-A well penned poem, Tony,
with good imagery and rhyme
that create a flow to your poem.
-I think this line sets the stage for
the theme in the poem:
"that enigmatic look that hovers, to beguile"
-There are so many unanswered questions-
who are you and why are you so bewitching?
-She is beguiling, and there is no substance,
as she will just leave when she feels like it.
-A very good entry for the contest; hope you do well.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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-Nice image.
-A well penned poem, Tony,
with good imagery and rhyme
that create a flow to your poem.
-I think this line sets the stage for
the theme in the poem:
"that enigmatic look that hovers, to beguile"
-There are so many unanswered questions-
who are you and why are you so bewitching?
-She is beguiling, and there is no substance,
as she will just leave when she feels like it.
-A very good entry for the contest; hope you do well.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017
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Very many thanks for your review and for the six stars, Pam. You had me looking back over the poem with your questions! The poor lovelorn fool was, metaphorically, bewitched by this teasing beauty to led him on and then turned her heel on him.
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You are quite welcome for the review and stars, Tony. The questions weren't meant to be issues with your poem, but what he might be thinking of her. It probably wasn't the best way to do it. Sorry for the confusion.
Comment from rspoet
Oh what fools we mortal men must be to fall for one so unattainable
Another half-formed smile to lure the unaware
first Mona Lisa now the smile of Nereid
whether the poem is about her or one of her allure
A poem of fine hexameter, the more challenging abba rhyme,
with seaful imagery to lure one to the depths
The photo makes a rather large splash for one called Unsplash
Very nicely done, my friend
RS
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2017
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Oh what fools we mortal men must be to fall for one so unattainable
Another half-formed smile to lure the unaware
first Mona Lisa now the smile of Nereid
whether the poem is about her or one of her allure
A poem of fine hexameter, the more challenging abba rhyme,
with seaful imagery to lure one to the depths
The photo makes a rather large splash for one called Unsplash
Very nicely done, my friend
RS
Comment Written 17-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2017
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I must say that this particular photograph had me thinking of the Mona Lisa when I started on the poem. I'm not sure how I ended up all at sea!
Unsplash is an interesting web community of photographers who are prepared to share their work copyright free with no strings attached. Some fine photos there.
Many thanks for your kind review and the six stars. As always, much appreciated.
Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
Oh dear! You poor besotted creature. Not only have you fallen for the charms of an unobtainable lady but have chosen an awkward rhyme scheme and meter (iambic hexameter) to describe the experience. Not that it sounds or feels in any way awkward in your masterful hands. The first line is magic in itself and the poem contains a number of poetic devices never overdone but as evanescent as the lady's smile. A great piece of work this.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2017
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Oh dear! You poor besotted creature. Not only have you fallen for the charms of an unobtainable lady but have chosen an awkward rhyme scheme and meter (iambic hexameter) to describe the experience. Not that it sounds or feels in any way awkward in your masterful hands. The first line is magic in itself and the poem contains a number of poetic devices never overdone but as evanescent as the lady's smile. A great piece of work this.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2017
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Who? Moi? Spurned by an unobtainable beauty? Never! Not that I'd admit to, anyway!
Your award of six stars has done much to mollify the poor lovelorn loon!
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;)))
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a well composed poem. This demure beauty may have passion that runs deep beneath her outward appearance. Well worded and rhymed. I like the rhyme pattern and the sensual theme throughout. Marilyn
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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This is a well composed poem. This demure beauty may have passion that runs deep beneath her outward appearance. Well worded and rhymed. I like the rhyme pattern and the sensual theme throughout. Marilyn
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Marilyn. I appreciate your kind comments. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Wendy Winter
I love this poem! Reading it made me feel like a young bride wild with love on her wedding day. With so much social media and shallow lustfulness around its easy to forget the emotions you so valiantly evoke in this poem. My deepest gratitude for your sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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I love this poem! Reading it made me feel like a young bride wild with love on her wedding day. With so much social media and shallow lustfulness around its easy to forget the emotions you so valiantly evoke in this poem. My deepest gratitude for your sharing.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Wendy. I appreciate your kind comments. I rather agree that social media and romanticism are mutually exclusive! Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Just2Write
A beauty of a poem, Tony. There is nothing more devastating to the soul than unrequited love. You do such a marvellous job of exposing the depth of the adoration of the speaker, and how he is so hopelessly in love...
I really enjoyed those lines of helplessness, total immersion into his devotion to the Sea Nymph-like woman that has besotted him.
Excellent choice of envelope rhymes and a comfortable iambic Hexameter
Tony, your use of English and your beautiful, romantic poetic voice is sure to make this one of the top contenders in this contest.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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A beauty of a poem, Tony. There is nothing more devastating to the soul than unrequited love. You do such a marvellous job of exposing the depth of the adoration of the speaker, and how he is so hopelessly in love...
I really enjoyed those lines of helplessness, total immersion into his devotion to the Sea Nymph-like woman that has besotted him.
Excellent choice of envelope rhymes and a comfortable iambic Hexameter
Tony, your use of English and your beautiful, romantic poetic voice is sure to make this one of the top contenders in this contest.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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Delighted that you enjoyed this one, Rose, and flattered by your six-star award. Iambic Hexameter was a bit of a stretch for me in places. I can see why it isn't a particularly popular measure. Best wishes, Tony
