Travesty of Justice
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 " The Conspiracy "Two people accused of a crime they didn't commit.
10 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Storyline possesses enough action to move the tale along.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Storyline possesses enough action to move the tale along.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your nice review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Take care.
Comment from smbau
Good flow of content. This chapter appeared like a movie script for a couple of scenes. Like you your transition from one character dialogue to the other and from one paragraph to the other. The story has thrill and suspense in one package. I suggest that you have your story's characters and their roles briefly listed under authors notes for ease of readers keeping up with characters as you develop them.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2017
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Good flow of content. This chapter appeared like a movie script for a couple of scenes. Like you your transition from one character dialogue to the other and from one paragraph to the other. The story has thrill and suspense in one package. I suggest that you have your story's characters and their roles briefly listed under authors notes for ease of readers keeping up with characters as you develop them.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your great review. I will add the characters like you suggested.
Thank you again for your nice review, take care.
Comment from lydia2013
Hi MistyDawn,
That's an interesting and exciting story you've got; lot's of dialogue, action, and intrigue. I'm going to catch up on the earlier ones.
I have a few comments you can probably attribute to me jumping into the story at chapter twenty-something.
1. the last section is Rachel's perspective or Larry's? It makes sense if it's Rachel's but it needs to be labeled that. If it's not, then it's confusing me. Also, there aren't attributions of who is speaking in some of the Larry section since there are three people.
2. Your tense is present, so this one needs adjusting. ("I heard you the first thousand times," I spat, pushing him through the hallway.)
That's all the nits I could find, it's such a clean copy!
Thanks for a great read!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2017
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Hi MistyDawn,
That's an interesting and exciting story you've got; lot's of dialogue, action, and intrigue. I'm going to catch up on the earlier ones.
I have a few comments you can probably attribute to me jumping into the story at chapter twenty-something.
1. the last section is Rachel's perspective or Larry's? It makes sense if it's Rachel's but it needs to be labeled that. If it's not, then it's confusing me. Also, there aren't attributions of who is speaking in some of the Larry section since there are three people.
2. Your tense is present, so this one needs adjusting. ("I heard you the first thousand times," I spat, pushing him through the hallway.)
That's all the nits I could find, it's such a clean copy!
Thanks for a great read!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your wonderful review. The last section should've been Rachel's I don't know why I didn't put her name at the top. I will change that the tense and put more speech tags in Larry's part.
Thanks again for your nice review and all your helpful suggestions, take care.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
It's all starting to fall apart now like the proverbial house of cards. good stuff.
but since it wasn't, It'll be your word - it'll.
Marty plops down in the chair "I've done told - need punctuation after chair.
Shaking his head, he continues. "This will be just like all the other times you tried to convict - should be a comma rather than a full stop after continues.
I Glance at the first door - glance.
When using, 'won't we' in dialogue it forms a question and should have an accompanying ?
"Yeah, and she used a card too, see," he says, pointing to a piece of paper." - delete the speech marks from the very end here.
"Can I borrow your phone a minute, I'm going to see if it's the one he found." - there's a question in here so it needs the ?
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Hi there,
It's all starting to fall apart now like the proverbial house of cards. good stuff.
but since it wasn't, It'll be your word - it'll.
Marty plops down in the chair "I've done told - need punctuation after chair.
Shaking his head, he continues. "This will be just like all the other times you tried to convict - should be a comma rather than a full stop after continues.
I Glance at the first door - glance.
When using, 'won't we' in dialogue it forms a question and should have an accompanying ?
"Yeah, and she used a card too, see," he says, pointing to a piece of paper." - delete the speech marks from the very end here.
"Can I borrow your phone a minute, I'm going to see if it's the one he found." - there's a question in here so it needs the ?
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your great review and all your helpful suggestions. It wasn't " this time it was every blasted thing else. It's just so frustrating. I go over and over it to the point of almost memorizing it and still miss a bunch. Do you have any suggestions?
thanks again for your great review and your helpful suggestions, take care.
I guess I can take a little comfort in knowing six others read it and didn't catch them either. No, it's still aggravating.
Comment from apky
Thrilling. I'm still rooting like mad for Julue and Larry to be cleared. You're very good at keeping the pitch killing for the reader. Every time I read a chapter I have to remind myself to breathe. Excellent plotting.
"I('ll) have you know that some criminals are very intelligent, definitely a lot smarter than you." I chuckle.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Thrilling. I'm still rooting like mad for Julue and Larry to be cleared. You're very good at keeping the pitch killing for the reader. Every time I read a chapter I have to remind myself to breathe. Excellent plotting.
"I('ll) have you know that some criminals are very intelligent, definitely a lot smarter than you." I chuckle.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your great review and your sweet, encouraging comment. With only two chapters left the action is going to really heat up. It would be nice if Julia and Larry had a happily ever after but that would be too cliche', don't you think? I'll tell you what you told me, guess you'll have to keep reading to find out.
Thanks again for your nice review, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I'm glad Joe knows what to do, since I have no idea how to prove or disprove what Allen or Julia did or didn't do. She's killed before and scared off another husband, but then her injuries show it was self-defense. She thought he was dead, so no reason to call for help. And Larry's family is dead and he's still on Vinnie's case? Doesn't sound right. He would have left town in depression, I think.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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I'm glad Joe knows what to do, since I have no idea how to prove or disprove what Allen or Julia did or didn't do. She's killed before and scared off another husband, but then her injuries show it was self-defense. She thought he was dead, so no reason to call for help. And Larry's family is dead and he's still on Vinnie's case? Doesn't sound right. He would have left town in depression, I think.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the nice review. Vinnie's case was declared a mistrial so it's in limbo until the DA decides what he wants to do retry or plea bargain. Larry is being taken to NY for his family's murder trial.
Thanks again for such a great review, take care.
Comment from royowen
I'm not generally good at piecing together the combined detective investigators analyses and the collective accused's tetimonies, and alibis. But you've written a complex murder/mystery which would please my wife, who loves them, (my brain gets tied in knots) but I recognise some good writing when I read them. I like the plot viewed through.multiple eyes, as you've done here. Well done, most enjoyable read, with all those character quirks thrown in, well done, blessings,, Roy
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
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I'm not generally good at piecing together the combined detective investigators analyses and the collective accused's tetimonies, and alibis. But you've written a complex murder/mystery which would please my wife, who loves them, (my brain gets tied in knots) but I recognise some good writing when I read them. I like the plot viewed through.multiple eyes, as you've done here. Well done, most enjoyable read, with all those character quirks thrown in, well done, blessings,, Roy
Comment Written 09-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and your lovely compliment. Reviews like yours make it all worth while. Thank you again, for your fantastic review and your kind words. Take care.
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My pleasure
Comment from hvysmker
Get him, Joe, I think, stepping in the second room.
*** into
I toss a picture of him and James on the table.
*** onto
"I'm not telling you guys, shit until my lawyer gets here."
*** I'd lose that comma?
"Not yet. Wait, isn't that Marty."
*** question mark
Larry
The captain told Miachels
*** Michaels
Complex but advances the story.
Charlie
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
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Get him, Joe, I think, stepping in the second room.
*** into
I toss a picture of him and James on the table.
*** onto
"I'm not telling you guys, shit until my lawyer gets here."
*** I'd lose that comma?
"Not yet. Wait, isn't that Marty."
*** question mark
Larry
The captain told Miachels
*** Michaels
Complex but advances the story.
Charlie
Comment Written 09-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your kind review and helpful suggestions. It looks like I need to do a little research on prepositions.
Thanks again for all your help take care.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks the end of the crime and mystery detection and investigation with the finding of the proofs such as recorded conversation, receipt , confession as the evidence on Julia and Larry is detected, the conspiracy is about to unfold; I liked.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
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This speaks the end of the crime and mystery detection and investigation with the finding of the proofs such as recorded conversation, receipt , confession as the evidence on Julia and Larry is detected, the conspiracy is about to unfold; I liked.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for your great review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. The ending is coming soon and I guarantee it's going to be one heck of a twist.
Thanks again for all your support, and encouraging words. Take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
This has the makings of a great day. My latest post is well received by readers, and your writing keeps making a magical transformation right before my eyes. I can't say that I've ever seen such change come so quickly. You must have someone spending lots of time helping you. Whatever the reason, congratulations! on another great chapter. :-)
(add) [remove]
--The captain told [Miachels] (Michaels) to stop at the next motel, . . .
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
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This has the makings of a great day. My latest post is well received by readers, and your writing keeps making a magical transformation right before my eyes. I can't say that I've ever seen such change come so quickly. You must have someone spending lots of time helping you. Whatever the reason, congratulations! on another great chapter. :-)
(add) [remove]
--The captain told [Miachels] (Michaels) to stop at the next motel, . . .
Comment Written 09-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
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Congratulations on your post, I'm sure you deserved it. Don't know why I wasn't notified about your new post, I'll have to look into that. I'm working hard, trying to improve. The only one that's helping me is me, myself and I. We make a fairly decent team when we get our head out of our butt try real hard.
Thank you so much for your fantastic review and for all your encouragement and support. Take care.
