Travesty of Justice
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Truth Unfolds"Two people accused of a crime they didn't commit.
7 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good chapter, moving along nicely. Marty seems to be winning but Joe will... must... think of a way to bring the truth out of such a mess of lies.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Good chapter, moving along nicely. Marty seems to be winning but Joe will... must... think of a way to bring the truth out of such a mess of lies.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your great review. I was worried all week that I might have upset you with my explanation. That wasn't my intentions at all. I was explaining why I thought it was right hoping you'd tell me if my logic was wrong. Which is often the case.
Don't worry, Marty will get his in the end, lol.
Thanks again for the wonderful review and if I upset you I'm sorry. Take care.
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No, not at all. I appreciate the explanation. :)
Comment from apky
I hope Rachel and Joe finally manage to club this Marty chap. Below are a couple of suggestions I made. Great read.
"So (i)If, she did transfer gun powder residue and blood to the phone(,) wouldn't she have deposited some on the steering wheel when she drove away?"
I quickly scan through the list. "I don't see the addresses on the log. Could he have picked up someone and not wrote(written, unless this is Rachel's way of speaking, of course. But I don't think a woman who is a police sergeant would make this kind of a grammar mistake) it down?"
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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I hope Rachel and Joe finally manage to club this Marty chap. Below are a couple of suggestions I made. Great read.
"So (i)If, she did transfer gun powder residue and blood to the phone(,) wouldn't she have deposited some on the steering wheel when she drove away?"
I quickly scan through the list. "I don't see the addresses on the log. Could he have picked up someone and not wrote(written, unless this is Rachel's way of speaking, of course. But I don't think a woman who is a police sergeant would make this kind of a grammar mistake) it down?"
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your great review and your helpful edits they are always greatly appreciated.
Thanks again for all your support, take care.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Things are really moving forward now and it's good to see the framing start to fall apart.
"So, If she did transfer gun powder - if.
Knowing other cab companies have failed; the owners decide to run their business - comma rather than a semi-colon here.
"May I help you?" he asks, closing the door." - delete the speech marks from the end here.
and took her to Adam's street - Street.
I start thumbing through a magazine when my phone rings. "Sergeant Bower, I'll be right there," I say, walking across the room. - this seemed a little abrupt and rushed. At this juncture, we could find out what the call is about. It seems odd for it not to be related here in the first person narrative.
"We have your conversations recorded. - need closing speech marks here.
"Throwing the door open, he stomps into the hall. - delete the speech marks from here.
"What do you want to do now, Captain," I ask - this needs a question mark.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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Hi there,
Things are really moving forward now and it's good to see the framing start to fall apart.
"So, If she did transfer gun powder - if.
Knowing other cab companies have failed; the owners decide to run their business - comma rather than a semi-colon here.
"May I help you?" he asks, closing the door." - delete the speech marks from the end here.
and took her to Adam's street - Street.
I start thumbing through a magazine when my phone rings. "Sergeant Bower, I'll be right there," I say, walking across the room. - this seemed a little abrupt and rushed. At this juncture, we could find out what the call is about. It seems odd for it not to be related here in the first person narrative.
"We have your conversations recorded. - need closing speech marks here.
"Throwing the door open, he stomps into the hall. - delete the speech marks from here.
"What do you want to do now, Captain," I ask - this needs a question mark.
All the best
G
Comment Written 06-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your review and your helpful suggestions. Darn speech marks got me good this time. Think they misplaced themselves knowing you're about to review. Just Kidding, I will be more careful though. The part you said was rushed I did this "The captain has a suspect in custody and wants me to be a part of the interrogation? I'll be right there," Is that better?
Thanks again for your review and for all your help, take care.
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Yeah, it just seemed odd for her not to impart the info
Comment from country ranch writer
Well this weasel won't get away with it this time if they have anything to do with it. This man needs to get his butt put in jail and have the key thrown away
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2017
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Well this weasel won't get away with it this time if they have anything to do with it. This man needs to get his butt put in jail and have the key thrown away
Comment Written 05-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2017
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Thanks for the great review. I agree they should. Don't worry he'll get his, lol.
Thanks again for the great review, take care.
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Smiles
Comment from hvysmker
"Morning, Sarg, You're getting an early start," he says, plopping his things on the desk.
*** Serious error. Sarge, not sarg.
"When was the time stamp on the tape?"
"From 12:30 -12:50."
"That would clear her of the first murder, now to clear her of the second," I say, heading towards the door.
*** Fine. But since it's two murders, go back and inspect the current recording and machine to make certain it keeps the correct time.
"No, I'm just verifying one of his pick ups yesterday."
*** pickups
"He could've but then there'd be a discrepancy in his mileage and as you can see every mile is accounted for. Now he could've picked up a couple of people together and only wrote down one name on the log."
*** Now I've lived in a small town for many years but when I used to catch cabs in a city, no driver ever asked for my name, only my destination. As far as I remember, all the dispatcher would say is something like "Pickup a man at 1232 Adams street." or something similar. The dispatcher would most likely keep a log, though, to match with the drivers. Even in movies the detective asks the taxi driver to identify a photo or description and addresses - not a name. Maybe things have changed, though.
"Yes, I've already told another Detective that James didn't charge her for the ride and
*** lower case detective.
We're staring intently at the screen, waiting for something to happen when a questionable looking character climbs in James' car.
*** into
Showing James a picture he continues.
*** Comma after "picture".
Right now I'm wondering why the cabbie, James, would have gone along with it. A bribe, or blackmail? Is James involved in some way or was he chosen at random? As well as the dispatcher should have the trip on her logbook, shouldn't she? Even if picked up on the street, James would have to radio in the trip to dispatch.
Charlie
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2017
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"Morning, Sarg, You're getting an early start," he says, plopping his things on the desk.
*** Serious error. Sarge, not sarg.
"When was the time stamp on the tape?"
"From 12:30 -12:50."
"That would clear her of the first murder, now to clear her of the second," I say, heading towards the door.
*** Fine. But since it's two murders, go back and inspect the current recording and machine to make certain it keeps the correct time.
"No, I'm just verifying one of his pick ups yesterday."
*** pickups
"He could've but then there'd be a discrepancy in his mileage and as you can see every mile is accounted for. Now he could've picked up a couple of people together and only wrote down one name on the log."
*** Now I've lived in a small town for many years but when I used to catch cabs in a city, no driver ever asked for my name, only my destination. As far as I remember, all the dispatcher would say is something like "Pickup a man at 1232 Adams street." or something similar. The dispatcher would most likely keep a log, though, to match with the drivers. Even in movies the detective asks the taxi driver to identify a photo or description and addresses - not a name. Maybe things have changed, though.
"Yes, I've already told another Detective that James didn't charge her for the ride and
*** lower case detective.
We're staring intently at the screen, waiting for something to happen when a questionable looking character climbs in James' car.
*** into
Showing James a picture he continues.
*** Comma after "picture".
Right now I'm wondering why the cabbie, James, would have gone along with it. A bribe, or blackmail? Is James involved in some way or was he chosen at random? As well as the dispatcher should have the trip on her logbook, shouldn't she? Even if picked up on the street, James would have to radio in the trip to dispatch.
Charlie
Comment Written 05-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your nice review and helpful edits. The part about the taxi company has me stumped. You do give your name if you pre-book, but still not sure about general pickups. So I changed it to addresses then changed it to look like he might have picked her up on another run why the address isn't listed. Rachel asks if she remembers her call. Dispater says no but wasn't here all day husband took over. That'll fix it, right?
Thanks again for your review, and for catching that. If it still doesn't work let me know, ok. Take care.
"I've shared a taxi before."
"That'd also explain why the address isn't in either of our logs."
and I changed names to addresses.
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I also put in that Jerry checked the clock on the video and it was fine.
Oh, by the way, I fibbed there is going to be a little violence of my new story, in the beginning, her daddy gets mad at her for seeing a guy they argue the dad goes out of the house with a gun to scare him. Had to do something to break up the mushy stuff. What can I say, it's in my blood lol. There might be a couple of more small things to keep it exciting no serial killers though.
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Sure but don't forget to use "Sarge", not "sarg". That IS important to any military or police officer. According to Google, Sarg is:
SARG ? Syrian Arab Republic Government or
Searchable ARGuments
Charlie
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I did.
Comment from royowen
I guess a policeman could get rather riled by someone like Marty, who keeps squeezing out of criminal offences. I'm not great on reviewing crime mystery works, but here goes, the detectives seem to have cleared Julia of the first murder, but a second one rears it ugly head, and judging by investigation, seems to be more and more tangled. Thanks for the brief synopsis, which gives a handle on the murder/mystery. Good characters, plot and scribing. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo (reusing) the tape cuts a lot of expense. Erasing? Through the years Joe has arrested him for (varies) offences. Various?
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2017
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I guess a policeman could get rather riled by someone like Marty, who keeps squeezing out of criminal offences. I'm not great on reviewing crime mystery works, but here goes, the detectives seem to have cleared Julia of the first murder, but a second one rears it ugly head, and judging by investigation, seems to be more and more tangled. Thanks for the brief synopsis, which gives a handle on the murder/mystery. Good characters, plot and scribing. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo (reusing) the tape cuts a lot of expense. Erasing? Through the years Joe has arrested him for (varies) offences. Various?
Comment Written 05-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2017
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Thank you for a great review and your helpful suggestions. The investigation on Julia isn't adding up and Rachel is determined to find out why. Joe, he can be a hot head especially when criminals make him look like a fool.
Thanks again for the wonderful review, take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, well, you just keep getting better and slicker with your story all the time. This one is covering all the bases step by step, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I seldom have sixes this late in the week, but I'm glad I did this week. Great job! :-)
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2017
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Well, well, you just keep getting better and slicker with your story all the time. This one is covering all the bases step by step, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I seldom have sixes this late in the week, but I'm glad I did this week. Great job! :-)
Comment Written 05-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for a fantastic review and your encouraging words. I am so glad you liked it. A lot is going to happen in the next two chapters followed by one heck of a twist at the end.
Thank you again for such a superb review take care.
