Wrong Time, Wrong Place
A horrible elevator scene8 total reviews
Comment from Mark Valentine
The Blackhawk restaurant - that's one from the time capsule. I think my dad used to be a busboy there.
A great response to the prompt - I don't think anyone could have anticipated the scene when the doors opened, and the explanation was clever too - a good mix of horror and humor. I hope it does (did?) well in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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The Blackhawk restaurant - that's one from the time capsule. I think my dad used to be a busboy there.
A great response to the prompt - I don't think anyone could have anticipated the scene when the doors opened, and the explanation was clever too - a good mix of horror and humor. I hope it does (did?) well in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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Thanks for your read and the comment. Did do that well, but it was fun writing it.
Comment from Auto-Manic
Nice, not long and involved, to the point and with almost prophetic ending, A Republican knee deep in gore, happily killing, with a knife I might add (maybe more appropriate he shot him with an AK-47) like some sacrifice at the elevator alter to the fund raiser, Great laugh. Nice job. Oh, the irony of reality.
AM
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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Nice, not long and involved, to the point and with almost prophetic ending, A Republican knee deep in gore, happily killing, with a knife I might add (maybe more appropriate he shot him with an AK-47) like some sacrifice at the elevator alter to the fund raiser, Great laugh. Nice job. Oh, the irony of reality.
AM
Comment Written 06-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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Nice thought. I wish I had the idea. Thanks for the read.
Comment from R.A.Partin
This is written like an extended joke - and I love it! It's set up in such a way that it seems like it might be a horror, with the end result being a rather gruesome image. But the punchline makes up for it. It's a great joke that involves a pun an political satire at once. Good job.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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This is written like an extended joke - and I love it! It's set up in such a way that it seems like it might be a horror, with the end result being a rather gruesome image. But the punchline makes up for it. It's a great joke that involves a pun an political satire at once. Good job.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Thanks much for the read and the comments. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from EverInParadise
Well written, held true to content of the suggested scene. It is intriguing that you avoided any narrative until the last line. The ending is humorous, carrying this reader to an unexpected chuckle. Good work and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Well written, held true to content of the suggested scene. It is intriguing that you avoided any narrative until the last line. The ending is humorous, carrying this reader to an unexpected chuckle. Good work and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Thank you again. Glad you got a bit of a chuckle.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks a man killed a donkey at an elevator for he thought of getting a donkey greeting people coming to a Republican fundraiser, he tried but failed to push the donkey into the elevator, so he killed it and make a horrible scene; I liked.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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This speaks a man killed a donkey at an elevator for he thought of getting a donkey greeting people coming to a Republican fundraiser, he tried but failed to push the donkey into the elevator, so he killed it and make a horrible scene; I liked.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Thanks for the read and the review.
Comment from Mustang Patty
LOL! Horror, humor, and political! What a great way to combine the three into a tale fit for the contest, 'And then the elevator door opened.' Great imagery and believable dialogue.
Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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LOL! Horror, humor, and political! What a great way to combine the three into a tale fit for the contest, 'And then the elevator door opened.' Great imagery and believable dialogue.
Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 31-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Thanks so much for the read and the comments.
Comment from Natali Holden
Poor donkey. If I was one of the people waiting on an elevator, I would not get in one with that man. What's strange to me is that the 'angel of death' says we. Are there others or is he crazy?
"After enjoying dinner at the Blackhawk restaurant on Wabash Avenue(;) I pushed the revolving door for my wife and we walked into the comfortable, palm decorated lobby of the hotel." Should be a comma.
You could try adding a little more description. I like how you used 'angel of death' to describe the man. Great job!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Poor donkey. If I was one of the people waiting on an elevator, I would not get in one with that man. What's strange to me is that the 'angel of death' says we. Are there others or is he crazy?
"After enjoying dinner at the Blackhawk restaurant on Wabash Avenue(;) I pushed the revolving door for my wife and we walked into the comfortable, palm decorated lobby of the hotel." Should be a comma.
You could try adding a little more description. I like how you used 'angel of death' to describe the man. Great job!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 31-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Thanks for your input. I have edited.
Comment from apky
The first thing I thought of was, How nice, for a horror the artwork is so amusing!
Elevator 4 thumped to a stop, the door slid open(,) (and there to our horror on the floor- I would rewrite this: and to our horror, there was a donkey on the floor, his throat...) was a donkey, his throat slashed, blood pooling into an expanding pond. Standing over the animal like an angel of death was a man holding a knife blood dripping from the blade. One last faint hee-haw was uttered by the donkey. My wife and I could not believe the scene that unfolded before us. We stared at the man with incredulous eyes.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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The first thing I thought of was, How nice, for a horror the artwork is so amusing!
Elevator 4 thumped to a stop, the door slid open(,) (and there to our horror on the floor- I would rewrite this: and to our horror, there was a donkey on the floor, his throat...) was a donkey, his throat slashed, blood pooling into an expanding pond. Standing over the animal like an angel of death was a man holding a knife blood dripping from the blade. One last faint hee-haw was uttered by the donkey. My wife and I could not believe the scene that unfolded before us. We stared at the man with incredulous eyes.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Thanks for the read and the suggestion. I have edited.
