This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Search Begins"Veronica is sent back again
38 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh that was a little confusing. Please explain the last part about them not returning from the future.
Nicley written and no problems I found
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
  |
Oh that was a little confusing. Please explain the last part about them not returning from the future.
Nicley written and no problems I found
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
-
Veronica was hoping that if Daveth's father was buried in the church cemetery, it would mean he had managed to get back to his own time, 1846, with or without her help. But, if she can't find his grave it would mean he never went back and is still in 1991. It will all become clear soon. (I hope) Thank you, Barb, for reading this part, I do hope I've cleared it up a bit more, if it's still confusing, I might have to have another look. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
With that thought in mind, we continued looking, Michael happily running between the stones, but our search was futile. Although we'd found what we assumed was Daveth's grandparent's grave, we didn't find any more bearing the name Hammett.
"That's disappointing," I said as I checked the last one. "Shall we see if we can find anything in the church register? If we can't find any records regarding Joe's death, maybe he never returned from the future...." Time travel! One of my favorite subjects for I believe (yes indeed) people have already travelled from the past and the future. Imagine, though, getting trapped there. Depending of course on how far you had travelled. You have a skill for writing that makes it easy to engage with what you write. It is absorbing and exciting. Well done I enjoyed this very much kindest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
|
With that thought in mind, we continued looking, Michael happily running between the stones, but our search was futile. Although we'd found what we assumed was Daveth's grandparent's grave, we didn't find any more bearing the name Hammett.
"That's disappointing," I said as I checked the last one. "Shall we see if we can find anything in the church register? If we can't find any records regarding Joe's death, maybe he never returned from the future...." Time travel! One of my favorite subjects for I believe (yes indeed) people have already travelled from the past and the future. Imagine, though, getting trapped there. Depending of course on how far you had travelled. You have a skill for writing that makes it easy to engage with what you write. It is absorbing and exciting. Well done I enjoyed this very much kindest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so much, Meia, for another of your lovely reviews. I'm really pleased you are still enjoying my story! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Sandra,
Another enjoyable chapter that pulled me in and kept me reading.
Although they've found what they thought to be Daveth's grandparents' grave, they haven't found any others bearing the name Hammett.
Anne's an amazing little girl - most would be scared even at the thought of a ghost.
We live[s] a lot
Great chapter, my friend.
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
|
Sandra,
Another enjoyable chapter that pulled me in and kept me reading.
Although they've found what they thought to be Daveth's grandparents' grave, they haven't found any others bearing the name Hammett.
Anne's an amazing little girl - most would be scared even at the thought of a ghost.
We live[s] a lot
Great chapter, my friend.
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so much, Margaret, for your lovely review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. I'm going to have to put something in my author's notes about Mildred's dialect, she puts an, 's' on a few words that she shouldn't. LOL, you're not the first to pick that up, I can't change it, or I'll be changing her. I've actually taken Mildred's character off a friend of mine in Cornwall, I'm hoping when she reads it, she won't mind, LOL!!! Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from royowen
Ann is late for breakfast, and discovers she's still asleep, she's still stirred because Daveth has visited her, asking if Veronica has found Daveth's father, father Joe. The journey to the local graveyard, and think they've found the grandparents of Daveth, but no father. He could be stuck in Veronica's time. Well done, Sandra, excellent chapter, blessings, Roy
Typo : I'd like to see him(,)too.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
 |
Ann is late for breakfast, and discovers she's still asleep, she's still stirred because Daveth has visited her, asking if Veronica has found Daveth's father, father Joe. The journey to the local graveyard, and think they've found the grandparents of Daveth, but no father. He could be stuck in Veronica's time. Well done, Sandra, excellent chapter, blessings, Roy
Typo : I'd like to see him(,)too.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so very much, Roy, for the wonderful 6 stars, on a Saturday too!! I never expected that!! I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story, my friend, thank you for this lovely review as well, I do so appreciate you. Now off to correct that little typo! Well spotted, dear friend. :) Sandra xxxx
-
Most welcome dear Sandra, everyone should be six
-
Aw, you really are so nice, my friend. Thank you. xxx
-
Thank you Sandra, you're not so bad yourself, well done
Comment from Hamiel
A very good story that a reader will smile and imagine the scene. You featured very well what you had written. I like the flow. Continue the good work. God bless you.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
|
A very good story that a reader will smile and imagine the scene. You featured very well what you had written. I like the flow. Continue the good work. God bless you.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for reading my story, Hamiel, I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. :) Sandra xx
Welcome to FanStory! xxx
Comment from Sis Cat
This is a great, little chapter about the time traveling ghost Daveth. You held my attention with your intriguing premise. My favorite scene was Veronica, Mildred, and Michael's search through a church graveyard for Daveth's grave to confirm whether or not he returned from the future. The scene is well-descried including the moss on the tombstones and vagaries of the search:
With that thought in mind, we continued looking, Michael happily running between the stones, but our search was futile. Although we'd found what we assumed was Daveth's grandparent's grave, we didn't find any more bearing the name Hammett.
Your prose is good and engaging. You could tighten it by eliminating or reducing the use of redundant adverbs:
I walked into the kitchen, lured by the aroma of bacon sizzling away on the griddle.
could be
I walked into the kitchen, lured by the aroma of bacon sizzling on the griddle.
Mildred reached over and picked up the teapot off the heat-tray
could be
Mildred picked the teapot off the heat-tray
I poured Mildred's and my tea out,
could be
I poured Mildred's and my tea,
Omitting adverbs speeds your writing. Mark Twain once said, "If you see an adverb, kill it." Although the man had wit and humor, he was not joking here.
A small typo: "We live(s) a lot longer now," or, as Twain would write, "We live longer now."
Thank you for sharing your fine, ingenious story.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
|
This is a great, little chapter about the time traveling ghost Daveth. You held my attention with your intriguing premise. My favorite scene was Veronica, Mildred, and Michael's search through a church graveyard for Daveth's grave to confirm whether or not he returned from the future. The scene is well-descried including the moss on the tombstones and vagaries of the search:
With that thought in mind, we continued looking, Michael happily running between the stones, but our search was futile. Although we'd found what we assumed was Daveth's grandparent's grave, we didn't find any more bearing the name Hammett.
Your prose is good and engaging. You could tighten it by eliminating or reducing the use of redundant adverbs:
I walked into the kitchen, lured by the aroma of bacon sizzling away on the griddle.
could be
I walked into the kitchen, lured by the aroma of bacon sizzling on the griddle.
Mildred reached over and picked up the teapot off the heat-tray
could be
Mildred picked the teapot off the heat-tray
I poured Mildred's and my tea out,
could be
I poured Mildred's and my tea,
Omitting adverbs speeds your writing. Mark Twain once said, "If you see an adverb, kill it." Although the man had wit and humor, he was not joking here.
A small typo: "We live(s) a lot longer now," or, as Twain would write, "We live longer now."
Thank you for sharing your fine, ingenious story.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so very much, Sis Cat, I really appreciate your time and help tightening up my sentences. I have copied and pasted your suggestions to my MS Word docs for the future parts to refer to as well. I love helpful reviews like yours, thank you! I'm also very pleased you enjoyed reading it. Big hugs, :) Sandra xxx
-
You're welcome. Twain offers good advice.
-
Thank you for the opportunity to review your chapter because it inspired me to boot two sneaky adverbs from my Haiku!
-
Have you written a new one? I've been keeping up to date with yours. :)
-
Yes, it's coming tonight. Need more member dollars first.
Comment from apky
Another enjoyable episode that kept me reading to the last link, so to speak.
I find myself rooting for Daveth's dad to be found.
With that thought in mind, we continued looking, Michael happily running between the stones, but our search was futile. Although we'd found what we assumed was Daveth's grandparent's grave, we didn't find any more bearing the name Hammett.
I was almost sad when the chapter came to an end. Excellent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
|
Another enjoyable episode that kept me reading to the last link, so to speak.
I find myself rooting for Daveth's dad to be found.
With that thought in mind, we continued looking, Michael happily running between the stones, but our search was futile. Although we'd found what we assumed was Daveth's grandparent's grave, we didn't find any more bearing the name Hammett.
I was almost sad when the chapter came to an end. Excellent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so much, that was a really encouraging review!! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part too. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Possummagic
Interesting story and I like your descriptive comments.t it flows on well and I liked the reference to the butterfly. I thought at first there were some spelling errors towards the end but realised that it was a country dialect. Look forward to the next instalment.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
|
Interesting story and I like your descriptive comments.t it flows on well and I liked the reference to the butterfly. I thought at first there were some spelling errors towards the end but realised that it was a country dialect. Look forward to the next instalment.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017
-
Thank you, Possummagic, for your lovely review, I really appreciate it. Yes, it's Mildred's way of speaking. :) Sandra xx
