This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Search Begins"Veronica is sent back again
38 total reviews
Comment from aryr
Great job Sandra. When you mentioned the butterfly it made me wonder if the butterfly did not indeed show/ attract Michael to the gravesite- an interesting thought. This was so enjoyable to read. It showed that Ann is developing Veronica's talent with ghosts. And that Mildred is a good problem solver and has a great sense of humor. Very well done, thanks so much.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Great job Sandra. When you mentioned the butterfly it made me wonder if the butterfly did not indeed show/ attract Michael to the gravesite- an interesting thought. This was so enjoyable to read. It showed that Ann is developing Veronica's talent with ghosts. And that Mildred is a good problem solver and has a great sense of humor. Very well done, thanks so much.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Alie, for another lovely review. Loads have picked up on the butterfly, lol, keep it in mind!! Big hugs. my friend. :) Sandra xx
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You are most welcome Sandra, yeaaa I am glad about the butterfly and will have to was for its further adventures. Mega hugs in return.
Comment from Curly Girly
Ann is a bit freaky! Yes, most kids would be terrified to see or talk to ghosts.
The search for the grave did yield some clues--the grandparents have been discovered, but not Daveth's grave. I wonder if he was murdered? Maybe his body is hidden under the floorboards of the house?
I'll have to wait and see!
Nicole
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Ann is a bit freaky! Yes, most kids would be terrified to see or talk to ghosts.
The search for the grave did yield some clues--the grandparents have been discovered, but not Daveth's grave. I wonder if he was murdered? Maybe his body is hidden under the floorboards of the house?
I'll have to wait and see!
Nicole
Comment Written 30-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Nicole, for another lovely review. It's Daveth's dad who's missing, now we have to see if Veronica can find him! LOL, big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Jay Squires
Your writing was so flawless, you left me nitpicking between the lines, only to have you throw my nitpickery back in my face. See below:
"Look, look at the names. It's Edith and Jacob Hammett 1773-1830. [They were both born and died in the same years?]
If it is, they were the same age, and both died in their late fifties, in the same year ... how sad." [Well, if I were just a little more patient!]
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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Your writing was so flawless, you left me nitpicking between the lines, only to have you throw my nitpickery back in my face. See below:
"Look, look at the names. It's Edith and Jacob Hammett 1773-1830. [They were both born and died in the same years?]
If it is, they were the same age, and both died in their late fifties, in the same year ... how sad." [Well, if I were just a little more patient!]
Comment Written 30-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
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LOL! Jay, your review made me laugh, I do the same thing all the time, then have to delete what I'd put in the review. Glad I'm not the only one. Big hugs dear friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Sandra; you did a really good job with this part. I liked the interaction between the characters - especially Ann and Veronica. You wove the facts of the story in with the prose and it all worked well together.
A nit: 'I tried to prise(pry?) the teddy away from her,'
I look forward to more of this intriguing story,
~patty~
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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Hi Sandra; you did a really good job with this part. I liked the interaction between the characters - especially Ann and Veronica. You wove the facts of the story in with the prose and it all worked well together.
A nit: 'I tried to prise(pry?) the teddy away from her,'
I look forward to more of this intriguing story,
~patty~
Comment Written 30-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much, Patty, that is such a lovely review. Prise is an English UK spelling, which basically means the same as Pry but prise is the more common way of spelling it here. I've found quite a few words spelt differently since writing prose, it's quite interesting really, and educational. Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
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you know, I thought that might be it - but I wasn't sure. Thanks for letting me know,
~p~
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Any time. I hope if you do find any more differences you will tell me, it's quite possible I have made a spelling mistake, but it's also possible I'll learn more about the differences in our spellings. :) xx
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sandra, as you know I'm fascinated with the story and the whole concept. I also know I've said it many times before, but it still holds true. The dialogue is so great. I love Mildred. Now, the butterfly. It makes me wonder, or am I putting too much into it? I think not, somehow. Briliant writing and story telling. I love it. From your friend and a very, very hot Spain. Ulla xxxx
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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Hi Sandra, as you know I'm fascinated with the story and the whole concept. I also know I've said it many times before, but it still holds true. The dialogue is so great. I love Mildred. Now, the butterfly. It makes me wonder, or am I putting too much into it? I think not, somehow. Briliant writing and story telling. I love it. From your friend and a very, very hot Spain. Ulla xxxx
Comment Written 30-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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Aww, Ulla, thank you so much for this lovely review and the wonderful 6 stars!!! I wish I could say it was lovely and warm here, but I can't! :( Dull and wet! I'm just so pleased you are enjoying my story, it's rather different than the norm. Biggest hugs, my dear friend. :) Sandra xxx
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Aww, you know, I love it. xxx
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Sandra. This is a great chapter. I'm intrigued by the character from the past who is an albino and the fact the daughter can see and talk to him. You have a story rich in detail, great characters and the plot is well developed. I look forward to reading the next chapter. Awesome xoxo deborah
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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Hi Sandra. This is a great chapter. I'm intrigued by the character from the past who is an albino and the fact the daughter can see and talk to him. You have a story rich in detail, great characters and the plot is well developed. I look forward to reading the next chapter. Awesome xoxo deborah
Comment Written 30-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much, Deborah, for this really lovely review, it is so encouraging and I do appreciate! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxxx
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cousin.
" it's rind crisping up on the griddle." (Do you guys call it a griddle? I thought that was American.)
" I'm so hungry, I think I could eat a little girl" (I said something similar to Champers, our 9yo the other day and she laughed and said in her best English... "How papa? Much of your teeth have out! How you chews it! Hahahaha!)
"If he gets back to his own time, he'll be buried in the graveyard next to the church. Do you fancy coming with me and having a look?" (Ummmm... nope!)
"Oh Lordy, Miss Veronica! You won't catch me diggin' up anything in the graveyard," (lol. I just thought the same thing.)
"There must be at least a hundred gravestones," I said when I realised our task wasn't going to be as easy as I originally thought. "Where shall we start?" (Bugger that! I'm off to the pub... I prefer those kind of spirits.)
"Michael pointed to a butterfly resting on top of the gravestone, his little face a picture of delight. "Pretty butterfly!" (In Nyamal culture the appearance of a butterfly in a graveyard, or on a birthday, is the return of the spirit of the deceased. Interesting you mention butterflies.)
Superb authorship, mate. Not a word out of place and the dialogue is masterful.
Very very interesting.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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G'day Cousin.
" it's rind crisping up on the griddle." (Do you guys call it a griddle? I thought that was American.)
" I'm so hungry, I think I could eat a little girl" (I said something similar to Champers, our 9yo the other day and she laughed and said in her best English... "How papa? Much of your teeth have out! How you chews it! Hahahaha!)
"If he gets back to his own time, he'll be buried in the graveyard next to the church. Do you fancy coming with me and having a look?" (Ummmm... nope!)
"Oh Lordy, Miss Veronica! You won't catch me diggin' up anything in the graveyard," (lol. I just thought the same thing.)
"There must be at least a hundred gravestones," I said when I realised our task wasn't going to be as easy as I originally thought. "Where shall we start?" (Bugger that! I'm off to the pub... I prefer those kind of spirits.)
"Michael pointed to a butterfly resting on top of the gravestone, his little face a picture of delight. "Pretty butterfly!" (In Nyamal culture the appearance of a butterfly in a graveyard, or on a birthday, is the return of the spirit of the deceased. Interesting you mention butterflies.)
Superb authorship, mate. Not a word out of place and the dialogue is masterful.
Very very interesting.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 30-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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LOL! Oh, you are so funny! I can see you going off to the pub to meet up with a different load of spirits! LOL.
Oh, we have the grill, and now have a griddle on the top with the rings. All mod cons here, Cuz!! LOL
I love that you said you could eat a litlle girl to Champers, and I loved her reply, she sounds wonderful! You'll have to put a photo of her on here so we can see her.
I know about the butterflies, I believe it too. Keep that thought in mind! :) Thank you, Fez, this review is wonderful, I'm over the moon that you liked it. And an extra big hug for the 6 stars. Lots of love. Sandra xxx
Comment from rama devi
Good chapter. Fine detail. Fine pacing (mostly) and good characterization and dialog. I could visualize the scene while reading. Noticed a bunch of minor nits...might as well catch them now...less work for me later!
NOTES
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"Well, sit yerself down, Miss Veronica, and pour the tea, breakfast is almost ready."
Optional suggestion for pacing (how I hear it):
"Well, sit yerself down, Miss Veronica, and pour the tea. Breakfast is almost ready."
*Run-on sentence and slightly wordy:
I knocked on Ann's bedroom door, and when I got no response, I opened it and felt a lump in my throat when I saw my angelic daughter still fast asleep, her teddy bear snuggled tight to her chest. "
Suggest a mild trim and also making it two sentences:
I knocked on Ann's bedroom door. When I got no response, I opened it and felt a lump in my throat seeing my angelic daughter still fast asleep, her teddy bear snuggled tight to her chest. "
* Her eyelids slowly lifted(,) and a moan escaped her mouth.
*
Ann rubbed her eyes(,) and I could see the reluctance in her face as she sat up.
You might trim COULD SEE and just say SAW. Or, even better, describe the reluctance. Show rather than tell. Or you can do both...Example:
Ann rubbed her eyes and sat up with a reluctant frown.
The fact that you could see it need not be stated...it is implied.
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"Daveth came to see me last night," she said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.
Best to just use the action tag...trim the speech tag. Example:
"Daveth came to see me last night." She swung her legs over the side of the bed.
*
We walked Ann to school, and after watching her race into the playground, we set off for the church. "
No need for repeat of the pronoun. Suggest:
We walked Ann to school and, after watching her race into the playground, set off for the church. "
I lifted Michael out of his pushchair,(no comma) and let him wander around while Mildred and I searched the gravestones.
*studying the algae(-)covered, lopsided stone in front of him.
Lots of Love,
rd
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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Good chapter. Fine detail. Fine pacing (mostly) and good characterization and dialog. I could visualize the scene while reading. Noticed a bunch of minor nits...might as well catch them now...less work for me later!
NOTES
*
"Well, sit yerself down, Miss Veronica, and pour the tea, breakfast is almost ready."
Optional suggestion for pacing (how I hear it):
"Well, sit yerself down, Miss Veronica, and pour the tea. Breakfast is almost ready."
*Run-on sentence and slightly wordy:
I knocked on Ann's bedroom door, and when I got no response, I opened it and felt a lump in my throat when I saw my angelic daughter still fast asleep, her teddy bear snuggled tight to her chest. "
Suggest a mild trim and also making it two sentences:
I knocked on Ann's bedroom door. When I got no response, I opened it and felt a lump in my throat seeing my angelic daughter still fast asleep, her teddy bear snuggled tight to her chest. "
* Her eyelids slowly lifted(,) and a moan escaped her mouth.
*
Ann rubbed her eyes(,) and I could see the reluctance in her face as she sat up.
You might trim COULD SEE and just say SAW. Or, even better, describe the reluctance. Show rather than tell. Or you can do both...Example:
Ann rubbed her eyes and sat up with a reluctant frown.
The fact that you could see it need not be stated...it is implied.
*
"Daveth came to see me last night," she said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.
Best to just use the action tag...trim the speech tag. Example:
"Daveth came to see me last night." She swung her legs over the side of the bed.
*
We walked Ann to school, and after watching her race into the playground, we set off for the church. "
No need for repeat of the pronoun. Suggest:
We walked Ann to school and, after watching her race into the playground, set off for the church. "
I lifted Michael out of his pushchair,(no comma) and let him wander around while Mildred and I searched the gravestones.
*studying the algae(-)covered, lopsided stone in front of him.
Lots of Love,
rd
Comment Written 30-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much, Rama, for this amazing review! I've made all the corrections now, that was so good of you to take the time to go through it for me. As always, I always appreciate seeing your name in my reviews. Big hugs, and much love, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
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Thanks, dear friend. Big hugs and much love right back atchya! rd xxoo :-)))
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's hard for me to imagine how terrible people with any differences were treated way back then, as they are still treated as freaks today in some circles. I hope a difference can be made in this young lads life. Great chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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It's hard for me to imagine how terrible people with any differences were treated way back then, as they are still treated as freaks today in some circles. I hope a difference can be made in this young lads life. Great chapter. :-)
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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You're asking that question when you know Veronica and Mildred are on the case??? LOL! Thank you so much, my friend, for your great review. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying my story. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from pbomar1115
I can see myself sitting down and watching a weekly TV show or movie of this kind over and over. With Veronica as the lead character is believable for me; however, if she came off as a James Bond type rather than a detective as she does here, my interest would be more faddish than customary.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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I can see myself sitting down and watching a weekly TV show or movie of this kind over and over. With Veronica as the lead character is believable for me; however, if she came off as a James Bond type rather than a detective as she does here, my interest would be more faddish than customary.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
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No, Veronica will never be a James Bond type, and I just couldn't even imagine Mildred coming across as one. LOL! Thank you so much for your really lovely, most encouraging review, my friend! You've made my day. :) Sandra xxx
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You're welcome, Sandra.
Phillip
