Patterns
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Curvature"poetry
11 total reviews
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning story:
I agree it is certainly a new kind of explosion of poetic sound. When I think of circles I think of the vicious circle of life. It seems that not only does the world rotate and all the other things that you mentioned that go round and around but we are all living this circle of life where we all come full circle.
Thank you for your informative poem.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
  |
Good morning story:
I agree it is certainly a new kind of explosion of poetic sound. When I think of circles I think of the vicious circle of life. It seems that not only does the world rotate and all the other things that you mentioned that go round and around but we are all living this circle of life where we all come full circle.
Thank you for your informative poem.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thanks for your five star review and your wonderful comments supporting this poem. This was fun to write, I just enjoyed stringing together the 'r' and 's' sounds to create a sense of revolving action. It is basically a pure musical piece. estory
Comment from Rasmine
It was good but seems you used the words 'curve' and 'circle' a lot. I guess you intended to do that, so....
I liked this stanza about the shapes of curves/circles in the cosmos:
The orbits of the planets
In the curves of gravity
Around the spheres of stars
In the circles of galaxies
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
It was good but seems you used the words 'curve' and 'circle' a lot. I guess you intended to do that, so....
I liked this stanza about the shapes of curves/circles in the cosmos:
The orbits of the planets
In the curves of gravity
Around the spheres of stars
In the circles of galaxies
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thanks for the five star review and your comments and suggestions. This is, as I said in the notes, a minimalist piece, so repetitions are the mechanism for creating the music in this poem. It is all about the repeating 'r' and 's' sounds to get that revolving effect. it was a fun poem to write. estory
Comment from Joan E.
I am a big fan of alliteration and the minimalist style. I admired your focus on round objects and sound, plus the circularity of your free verse. Cheers and happy weekend- Joan
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
I am a big fan of alliteration and the minimalist style. I admired your focus on round objects and sound, plus the circularity of your free verse. Cheers and happy weekend- Joan
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so much for the excellent review and for all your wonderful comments supporting this minimalist piece. So glad you enjoyed this! At least a few are getting into my exploration of new concepts of creating music in language. Here, it is all about the 'r' and 's' sounds creating that revolving effect a pure musical piece, really estory
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is a very unique poem and I like it. I can hear the wheels and the stuck record. Nice 's' and 'c' consonance.
teresa
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
This is a very unique poem and I like it. I can hear the wheels and the stuck record. Nice 's' and 'c' consonance.
teresa
Comment Written 29-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for the great review and your wonderful comments supporting the poem, glad you enjoyed it. It is a new type of making music in poetry, using repetitions of patterns of sound instead of rhyme and meter. It was fun to write, a pure musical piece estory
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Estory,
I gotta say, I understood this, but I'm not sure the circle of sounds worked for this reader. It moves and swerves and comes on back around but the crazy eight was more like that for me than a Celtic circle. Have a great weekend. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
Hi Estory,
I gotta say, I understood this, but I'm not sure the circle of sounds worked for this reader. It moves and swerves and comes on back around but the crazy eight was more like that for me than a Celtic circle. Have a great weekend. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for the excellent review and your interesting comments. This type of poetry, is not for everyone, and it tired me out at times. It is not emotional poetry. This poem is all about the repeating 'r' and 's' sounds to create a revolving effect, a pure musical piece estory
Comment from rama devi
I love the musicality of this. It certainly sounds lie a Celtic emblem! Love the way this sounds read aloud. Fluid cyclical flow. Bravo!
It's not just I and S sounds repeating but also R, L, C.
An optional suggestion to not repeat of twice here but rather replace the second one with AND:
Around the curves of the circles
Of the wheels in the curves
Of the circles around the edges
Around the curves of the circles
Of the wheels in the curves
And the circles around the edges
also, I suggest not capping every line, though a lot of people do like that style. I feel using lower case to show enjambment helps give the sense of these lines turning and wrapping around each other in a circular flow! For example, this stanza (my favorite):
The curves of sounds around
the grooves of records
playing music in circles
stuck in the grooves
of records
Second favorite stanza:
The orbits of the planets
In the curves of gravity
Around the spheres of stars
In the circles of galaxies
Love this line:
The points of lines bent to circles
I am spinning after reading this....wheee!
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
I love the musicality of this. It certainly sounds lie a Celtic emblem! Love the way this sounds read aloud. Fluid cyclical flow. Bravo!
It's not just I and S sounds repeating but also R, L, C.
An optional suggestion to not repeat of twice here but rather replace the second one with AND:
Around the curves of the circles
Of the wheels in the curves
Of the circles around the edges
Around the curves of the circles
Of the wheels in the curves
And the circles around the edges
also, I suggest not capping every line, though a lot of people do like that style. I feel using lower case to show enjambment helps give the sense of these lines turning and wrapping around each other in a circular flow! For example, this stanza (my favorite):
The curves of sounds around
the grooves of records
playing music in circles
stuck in the grooves
of records
Second favorite stanza:
The orbits of the planets
In the curves of gravity
Around the spheres of stars
In the circles of galaxies
Love this line:
The points of lines bent to circles
I am spinning after reading this....wheee!
Love,
rd
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for the excellent review and all your interesting comments and suggestions. I am glad you enjoyed all the spinning around; it is basically a pure musical piece, and fun to write. Always looking to improve the flow so I will look at your suggestions, which might make it better in that regard. estory
-
Poetry is music!!! :-))))
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed this experimentation of soun, it's the only way man understands eternal things, and in a sense that's true, although I know I'd get my mind in, if infinity was in a straight line, it would be removed forever, so I guess all settle for circles. Well done, with the sounds setting up a fascinating rhythm of their own, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
I enjoyed this experimentation of soun, it's the only way man understands eternal things, and in a sense that's true, although I know I'd get my mind in, if infinity was in a straight line, it would be removed forever, so I guess all settle for circles. Well done, with the sounds setting up a fascinating rhythm of their own, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thanks for the excellent review and all your wonderful comments supporting this piece. I am glad you enjoyed the revolving effect I tried to create with the repeating patterns of dense sound. estory
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smiles Alex,
you had my mind going in circles are you in a fun way saying a circle has no end?
Thank you for sharing ( which seems to me a tricky limerick
Gert
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
Smiles Alex,
you had my mind going in circles are you in a fun way saying a circle has no end?
Thank you for sharing ( which seems to me a tricky limerick
Gert
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thanks for the excellent review and all your comments supporting this poem. glad you enjoyed all the spinning around! estory
-
You are welcome estory
Gert
Comment from bmethner
It was definitely a fun poem to read. When I was reading I could visualize the celtic emblem, and the memory of the round records we played as kids made me smile. It was a wonderfully looping, intertwining poem. I enjoyed reading it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
It was definitely a fun poem to read. When I was reading I could visualize the celtic emblem, and the memory of the round records we played as kids made me smile. It was a wonderfully looping, intertwining poem. I enjoyed reading it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for the excellent review and your wonderful comments supporting this poem estory
-
It is well deserved
Comment from Dean Kuch
I, uh, get where you're attempting to come from here, estory. But this...well, I'll just say abstract sort of Helter-Skeltered modernistic poetry doesn't appeal much to me.
Lemme me just give you a fiver and be on my merry way, okay? I'm sure this will appeal to many.
Hope you have a rockin' weekend.
~Dean
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
|
I, uh, get where you're attempting to come from here, estory. But this...well, I'll just say abstract sort of Helter-Skeltered modernistic poetry doesn't appeal much to me.
Lemme me just give you a fiver and be on my merry way, okay? I'm sure this will appeal to many.
Hope you have a rockin' weekend.
~Dean
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for the five star review and for your honest comments. This type of poetry is not for everybody, but I think its important to push into new mechanisms for making music in language and this is my minimalist attempt. This fall I will be posting some ghost stories, and I'd like you to check some of them out and give me your opinion of those. They will be more up your alley. estory
-
I enjoy reading all genres, estory. I'm just not very good at writing in them all.
I'll be sure to check those stories out you mentioned.
You're very welcome.
~Dean
