Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

Cute. I'm not familiar enough with this form of poetry to critique it, but I found it an enjoyable read. As far as I can tell it follows all the rules.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Cindy; thank you for reading and reviewing,

~patty~

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

Patty, I think you did a very good job on the format. I enjoyed it. You rhymes were good and did not feel forced.
Have a good evening, Patricia

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Patricia; thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed the piece,

~patty~

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Patty,
This is a great first bookend monorhyme. All lines/syllables are correct. The story is cute & so like one with dogs chasing squirrels. Good job on the 'f' 'l' 's' alliteration.

I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing. Jan

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Jan; thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem,

~patty~

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

Very good. What would life be without our pets? I think the reason why pets a relatively short life span is because know we would hate the thought of leaving them alone.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Thomas; yes, this was a fun write about my little boys - BUT, they have decided it wasn't enough of a tribute. They complained I haven't written about them in weeks, so I guess tomorrow will bring an actual story,

~patty~

Comment from Heather Knight

Excellent

I love this form Marilyn invented, but I'm not brave enough to try it myself.
However, you've done it justice.
I love the fact that you've decided to use your dogs as the topic. It's adorable.
Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Maria; thank you so much for reading. It doesn't take guts to try the format -- it simply takes the effort to write.

I'm sure you will do fine,

~patty~

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

Yes this is well written you have done well with the rhyming through the work so the squirrel won loll I enjoyed regards Jill

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Jill; thank you so much for the lovely review,

~patty~

Comment from rosehill (Wendy)

Excellent

Hey Patty, welcome to the first-timer's club with this form. It is a tricky one with that 11 syllable requirement for the middle quatrain (which is why I resorted to a bunch of gerunds in the feminine to smooth it out. If you just remove the 'and' or the 'so' in the first line of the quatrain you have the correct count throughout:

Two furry, funny dogs, run so fast to see
or
Two furry and funny dogs run fast to see

I enjoyed the subject, you should see my Teddy when the squirrels are performing their morning acrobatics on the telephone wire in front of the house. He is pretty fast, but can't climb or fly. Yet, hope springs eternal . . . - Wendy

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Wendy - thank you so much for pointing out the error in the first line of the quatrain.

Gotta love the fact that though dogs can never catch the squirrels, they never give up,

~patty~

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Lol. I'm glad your muses are giving you plenty of inspiration and further direction on the inspiration! Hope your shoulder is strong enough to hold them back when they go squirrel chasing!

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Yes, Bernie and Howie are certainly the best muses in the world -- they even help me work out!

~patty~

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I like Beas Peas' Bookend format and you did it justice. You captured an energized scene and I enjoyed your mono-verse rhyme. Thank you for sharing your pets' antics. Smiles- Joan

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Joan; thank you so much for the lovely review. This poetic form was fun to work with,

~patty~

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

You got the idea right the only thing is the middle part has to have eleven syllables in each line. The beginning and ending partsis four syllables as prescribed.

suggested fix (syllable count)
{Suggested line}

Two wild, furry, and funny dogs, running so fast to see(14)
{Two furry, funny dogs, run so fast to see(11)}

Racing one another to get the squirrel in the tree(14)
{which one of them gets the squirrel in the tree(11)}

At the other end of the leash is just little ole me(14)
{The leash is hold on to by little ole me(11)}

The squirrel scurries on, much, much too fast for us three(13)
{The squirrel scurries on, too fast for us three(11)}

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017

Hi Sandra; thank you so much for the help with the middle monorhyme. I think I got confused a bit.

Your help was wonderful and much needed,

~patty~

reply by Sandra du Plessis on 24-Jul-2017

You're welcome. We are here to help each other. You are welcome to join the Potlatch if you like to learn new formats of poetry. The new fomat is announced on Tuesdays and the topic on Saturday at 6 PM