Comment from pome lover

Excellent

well here's where the old saying, "pride goeth before a fall" surely comes into play.
Too bad they didn't give each other a chance to talk calmly.
Your dialogue is very natural, exemplifying the inexperience and immaturity of the young.
Patty, Here I am again with a grammatical suggestion. In the next to last paragraph, it should be "lying" on the floor, instead of "laying". Lots of people get the two confused.
Since this is a true story, you have to stay true to character, which you seem to be doing, although I bet it's tempting to embellish. good job.
Katharine - pome lover

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi Katharine - thank you for catching the nit - I have so many problems with those words! I try to catch it myself, but...

thank you so much for the lovely review. More to come,

~patty~

reply by pome lover on 23-Jul-2017

most welcome

Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)

Excellent

A good cry would usually help, but all Jenny felt was nauseous. Running to the bathroom, she felt everything she'd eaten that day come up and out. Laying on the floor with her head against the cold porcelain of the toilet, she realized it was over.Sick, tired, and feeling depleted, she did the only thing she could do. She decided to hate him. If she felt that way, she could move on.' So well written as always from you Patty. I have felt this way a few times! If only it was possible to make ourselves hate someone we love! The complexity of the human mind makes this so difficult though! I think you are a fabulous write and this is a thrilling and moving story. I love your writing and look forward to reading more. Great pacing and characterisation throughout. Kindest regards Meia xx

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for the lovely review. More to come,

~patty~

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

This speaks an unpredictable event and evidently love turns to hate, she decided to hate him, and she did so, all good moments evaporated, she released her anger.. I liked.

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

thank you

Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

It doesn't sound like Ron was mature enough for a relationship. He needed to realize how it would have looked to her and make her hear him even if he had to scream in her face. It likely wouldn't have lasted, and that would have been worse. I hope they all went on to have a good life.

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi Cindy; thank you for continuing to read - the story still has a few twists and turns - but I do agree with you about Ron not being mature enough for a relationship; he'd spent too much time concentrating on his career and accumulating wealth at an early age.

~patty~

Comment from apky

Excellent

Oh my, oh my. When the loving have a tiff, it can be both ridiculous yet so deeply felt.
You write this so well, Patty, it makes the story compelling.
I look forward to the continuation.

Aki

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi Aki; thank you so much for the lovely review. Writing conflicts in dialogue is tough!

I'm thankful you are enjoying the story - looks like I have messages about new writing by you - will have them reviewed soon,

~patty~

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Oh wow I was so hoping but first there would have to be total trust and you know in this day and age, there is not such thing. Very well told and I could feel the emotion

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi Barb; thank you so much for continuing to read this saga; they did lack the most important ingredient for a relationship - trust. But, there's still more to come,

~patty~

Comment from royowen

Excellent

What a very foolish couple, hating seems easy at the time, but regret replaces that, they're are just protecting their real feelings, it's a pity that they can't talk through with reason, rather than regret it later, and they will, and the child will have no father. Well done, your description of emotional conflict was great, blessings, Roy
Typo (He) would not allow him...she?

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi Roy; thank you so much for continuing to read the saga. More to come!

Thanks for catching the typo,

~patty~

reply by royowen on 23-Jul-2017

Most welcome

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Pride and Angry
Two emotions
That most times
Can be explained a way.
***
Error
He (She) would not allow him to see her cry. He wouldn't let a splotchy red face be his last memory of her.
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi Charlie; thank you for continuing to read along - I couldn't agree with you more,

thanks for catching the error,

~patty~

reply by c_lucas on 23-Jul-2017

You're welcome, Patty. Charlie

Comment from Sankey

Excellent

This was a great chapter. I hope there is more. I look forward to it. I read this before on my Mobile and saw errors I wanted to mark but is too hard on the phone. So here are the spags. (Sh)[H]e would not allow him to see her cry. (Sh)[H]e wouldn't let a splotchy red face be his last memory of her.

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi there;
thank you for catching the errors. There is more to come,

~patty~

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Exceptional

They say love and hate are close. Both stubborn and proud, they've made a real mess of things. And, she is most definitely pregnant.

Question: Why do you put dividers between each part, when it's all one, Patty?


"You are the most horrible person I've ever know(n,) Ronald Grimley!

Most enjoyable, my friend.

Margaret

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi Margaret; thank you so much for reading along with the saga.

I put the dividers in place because the POV switches from Ron to Jenny and back again - I've had a few reviewers say I confuse them, *sigh*

thanks for catching the nit,

~patty~